best sci-fi crew ever

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children comes out in the US in April. Looks good.

Me and Ciggy are going up to St. Cloud on friday to attend a Q and A with Kevin Smith. If anyone wants to go buy your tickets online ($5) and let us know.
Update-Ciggy is a bitch and doesn't want to go so now I have an extra ticket.

Take this quiz and see which Sci-Fit crew you would be in.

This what I got...

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Serenity (Firefly). You like to live your own way and don't enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Yes I rock!!!

VP YSaH'd or the Vice President Shot a Human

Last week we missed out on our sunday night bowling, which I believe lead us to a pretty forgettable thursday. (side note: we have yet to make mention of the awesome OC episode last week and by all means it made thursday an ok day, even with the shitty bowling.) So in light of that we made up for not bowling last sunday by bowling pretty good last night. All of us, including Craig had at least one game in the 170's, Dan actually had a couple. Sam and I both hit it big with games of 190 and 194 respectively, towards the end of the night Craig lost his manhood some where and forgot how to bowl, but I won't go into details for his sake.

highlights: there was a big group of people there and we only got a lane because we are regulars, this sounds bad, but we actually didn't have any problems with the crowd, to me thats kind of unusual. Sticking with unusual, it was also cosmic bowling but for some reason we didn't seem to mind that either, Mermaids setup is actually kind of cool. Also Craig had two turkeys in one game.
lowlights: Craig and I getting our asses handed to us all night, there were a couple of close ones but all in all it didn't go very well for the two of us. Also our bartender wasn't there and we got douchy McDoucheDouche, who also informed us that they are getting rid of their $2 beer special, bitches!

For this week and maybe only this week you're lookin at the BBH 06 C of the W K. That K is for King, don't you forget it. Thats right, to start the hunting off I killed me 21 Big Bucks plus had a PP on the bonus round. With the lead I got from that it was clear sailing to an easy victory. Craig is starting to get good, I don't think he YSaD'd until the third round, actually I don't think any of us did till the third round.

highlights: My perfect streak of 7, man did it feel good.

pederast

Maddox just added a new post after a long break. I think you should all go look at it.
Take the quiz. I got a C. Not so good. I guess I have to watch my back. If you are ones of those people that have never looked at his page (ciggy) I suggest you spend some time there this week.
Try these spots--
Kill like a man
5 Movies
Oil Change
and the classics-
Love your kids?
Suicide

Limp Wristed Boy Wins At Bowling!...

...for the first game. Sam, with his injured wrist, somehow still beat both Ciggy and me with a 165. I had a 71 in the 7th frame, but still pulled off a 149. Ciggy didn’t do as well. The second game, Sam’s wrist apparently got to him, as he didn’t bowl as well. I bowled a 170, and I have no idea what the other two bowled, but it wasn’t awesome. The third game we actually won. Sam had told us that Ciggy and I needed to bowl 170s, and he was going to bowl a 150. So, I held up my end of the deal and bowled a 189; Sam bowled a 150-something, and Ciggy fell short.

Highlights of the Evening: Cigs picked up a 7-5 split, I picked up a 1-2-4-10 setup, and Sam picked up the Diamond + 10 setup. As for things non-bowling, BBH was a mess. I was terrible, Sam was slapping people, and I think I threatened his life at one point. I don’t even know what Ciggy was doing.

every one needs a neighbor

I have been introduced to the new greatest game ever, at least for a console and for the time being. About a month ago John and Casi (my roommates) acquired a xbox, but until now we have had nothing to play on it. So my Neighbor came over the other night and brought with him pure xbox gold: Cabela's Dangerous Hunts. In order to play the game it was meant to be played you need to have patience, slowing moving along the ground and taking an Elk down from 60 yards away, not having it charge at you and hitting it 6 times with your hand gun. Also while running around after animals mountain Lions will jump on you from a top of rocks, wolves will hunt you down in packs and bears, well, they just do their kill you thing. They only thing missing from this game is a bright orange shotgun, but maybe that will come latter. Also I have just found out there is a Cabela's Dangerous Hunts II but sadly it sounds like the took a turn for the worse with this one.

Neil Gaiman News + Lore Sjöberg

Neil Gaiman has some interesting news up on his journal. Aint it Cool News has an article about visiting the production site of Beowulf. After not knowing anything about how this was going to pan out, especially with all the recent false gossip, this really shed some light on how this movie’s going to look next year.

He also has his amazon.com profile up. I imagine it’d be hard to come up with your top 5 favorite books, movies, and CDs, but he gave it a good shot. Nice to see Brazil on that list.

Also: This guy is becoming my favorite internets columnist to read. His name is Lore Sjöberg, he writes for wired, and he’s hilarious. I linked to a story of his on pandas a while ago about what to do in message boards/blogs if you don’t have an opinion. His sarcasm was beautiful. Well, today he’s spun an article about how he’s going to explain away his google searches if, in fact, the government appropriates them. Here’s a taste of him explaining away “yellowcake uranium.”

This is absolutely not an indication that I've been trying to broker purchases of uranium between various rogue states. Rather, I was just trying to look up an old friend from high school, Yellowcake Uranium Steinberg. Her parents were hippies. Hippie physicists. This explanation also applies to my other high-school friends, Anthrax Bacillus Cooper and Weapons-Grade Fissile Material Smith.

Awesome.

Izzard TV

I’m rather busy this week, so updates will be few and far between. Fortunately, two other people can post. So stop bitching already.

However, this makes me wish I had cable even more: Eddie Izzard with a co-leading role on a TV show. Awesome. If only Minnie Driver weren't in it.

Adventures of Herzog

This is great: Werner Herzog apparently pulled Joaquin Phoenix from a car crash. I just love the quote, "There's something so calming and beautiful about Werner Herzog's voice. I felt completely fine and safe. I climbed out. I got out of the car and I said, 'Thank you,' and he was gone." Herzog is now a superhero. I hope this causes him to contemplate the nature of chaos.

Also: I hate the font Arial, but the others looked to close to the default.

WH to TN or What Happened to Thursday Nights?

From the title you can probably figure out that we haven't quite got back to form yet. Last week we only won one game, this week...zero. I bowled like, actually I don't think what I was doing is considered bowling, low game of the night with 120. Dan started off a little slow but came up with a big 205 in the second game, which we still didn't win seeing that Sam and I were off in bum-fucking-egypt somewhere. Sam was a little closer to home then me by bowling an unrememberable, average, but not good average, night.

Highlights : Dan’s 205. It’s his highest game ever so if you see him any time soon give the man a pat on the back. He didn’t have a single open frame that game either. Also the guy next to us threw his ball backwards, I think Dan was a little relieved to see that it happens to other people too.

So how to make up for sucking at bowling? BBH 06 C of the W sounds pretty good. The first region, Northeast, did not help me forget about bowling. Dan actually figured out how to kill bucks and not YS a D all the time and pretty much kicked ass. Sam and I battled for the second spot down to the wire, in the end my outstanding perfect/perfect on the easy as hell jackalopes bonus clinched it for me. Of coarse that was after I had made, and lost, the YS a D bet. First two shots are on me boys! The second region, Canada, helped me put evil bowling memories behind by kicking Dan and Sam’s asses back to the SA.

Highlights : The fact that I can’t really remember the second region of BBH. I am almost sure that I won, but I could be way off. That hasn’t happened too me in a while, at least not on a Thursday night. I do remember getting a couple perfects though, so Dan and Sam can’t tell me I was awful.

really good movie news

Few new things about Grind from IGN. It is the new double feature from Tarantino and Rodriguez. "Rodriguez's segment will be called Planet Terror – 's a zombie flick – and Tarantino's is a slasher film called Death Proof. Both will be shot in the style of '70s exploitation films".
"The film will feature fake trailers created by the two directors that will run in the middle of the films as intermission."
"Variety adds that Tarantino's latest idea is a trailer for a sexploitation movie titled Cowgirls in Sweden."
Sounds pretty damn cool if you ask me. It is set to come out in September.

"Imagine a dozen or more Borat HBO skits strung together with scripted plot in between to weave it all together and that's pretty much the gist of the movie." Thats right people a Borat movie. God I can't wait. Read a bunch more about it here.

"Yakshemash! In US of A, if you want to marry a girl, you cannot just go to her father and swap her for 15 gallons of pesticide. Here you have to do something called dating. I find out more. Chenkuye. " -Borat

Dead-pan comedy + news

So, I'm not entirely sure if it's worth the $32, but Steven Wright is going to be at the Fitzgerald theatre on March 25. Wright is hilarious and fantastically dry, but I should have caught him last year when he was actually touring with people. Tickets go on sale tomorrow (Saturday) at noon...I guess I'll have to decide by then. Oh, and bm_oran, you can't come until you pay me back for Stephen Lynch.

And, sadly, it was discovered that the prehistoric "ice-man" was infertile. That might explain why he "almost certainly died as a result of a fight. " I'm guessing his bitch wife did it when she discovered that she couldn't have any ice-babies.

Don't like your career? I'd suggest making a switch. It's what Pro-Tennis player David Kinnaird is doing. He's giving up tennis, and picking up...videogames? In all fairness, I'm pretty sure tennis and Quake IV are very similar.

And finally, making big-budget movies like Die Another Day doesn't mean that you can't be a dragged out prostitute.

Thanks to BBC News for making my morning awesome.

Masters of the Universe

I would just like to inform the general public that Ciggy has now joined Bitches on Boats. The Sebulski family is now complete and when our powers unite greatness is sure to follow. I would like everyone to give a warm welcome to the new Bitch

PS- now 80% of the people that read this blog are now able to post on it as well.

the end

Zombie Uncle Sam can teach us a lot about war. I want you...dead.

New Neil Gaiman site up today. It looks pretty good.

Dark Crystal 2 is about a girl made out of fire who steals a shard of the crystal to try to reigniting they dying sun. It's going to be more "sin city" style...

If you go here you can buy staps for Valentine's Day with celebrity kisses on them. They have people like Gene Simmons and dogs like Benji. The reason for posting this is that Rachel Bilson also has one. I'm going to order a few let me know if you want one.

On a personal note- today is the first day of the last semester of my school life. Thank god its almost over...I need a drink.

Sebulski Sucks

Well, we’re off. I don’t know why, but we’re just not bowling as well as we should be. In all fairness, we didn’t bowl horribly; nobody was struggling to get a 100 or anything like that. But, out of the three games, we only won one and none of us got a turkey. I don’t remember everybody’s score, but there were a few 130s, a few 150s, and at least one 160. Ciggy got the high game for the team, I somehow managed to get a 151, a 152, and a 153 (in that order), and Sam was somewhere a bit lower than that. We only lost the total pin count by about 20 some pins. All I have to say is that we'd better win some games next week.

Highlights: My sequential scores and the fact that we weren’t miserable while we got our asses handed to us.

HoL follow up and a little TV

Well, here it is, a post. Amazing, eh? I thought so.

Mainly, I wanted to point this out to Sam and anyone else who has read and loved Mark Z. Danielewski’s House of Leaves. At 384 pages, it seems like a rather measly follow up to HoL, but seeing as HoL was so complex, so experimental, and yet so damn fun, it’s really hard to guess where he’s going with this one. But, it's called Only Revolutions, and it's out this September 5, and I'm insanely excited.

Also, Scrubs is awesome. I know, I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again. For those of you who didn’t catch either of the episodes last night, you missed out. The first episode, for no reason whatsoever, was chock-full of allusions to Wizard of Oz. Zach Braff’s character just wanted to go home, but couldn’t, there was a man behind a curtain, three of them needed to find a heart, a brain, and courage, all while walking down a yellow line in the hallway. If there were one reason I would want to buy this season on DVD, it would be to re-watch this episode.

Highlights: All the references, Turk knocking over newly born babies, domino style, and: “Good page, Keith, good page.”

I also caught Boston Legal last night. As a first time watcher, I must say that it took me a bit to get into the characters and the weird kinetic filming that this show employees. And, as Sam told me, “It wasn’t as funny as it normally is.” But, there’s Shatner. And I love Shatner. And I love Shatner interacting with James Spader. And that’s really enough for me to enjoy the show.

Highlight: The self-referential comment of Spader to Shatner, "Oh, there you are, I haven't seen you all episode."

dead whores

Lou Reed just rips into these guys making a Warhol film. "They're all a bunch of whores." says Lou. It's pretty funny.

Geat title "Theresa Russell has some sand in her vagina!" Its about the new Spider Man.

The new 100th episode of Scrubs tonight is a homage to The Wizard of Oz. Should be fun.

I'm sure everyone knows about the "dead body guy". The dude who just wants to be a dead extra in a movie so his wife took a bunch of pictures of him acting dead... and now has a huge following. If you didn't know go to his site.

buying some of Capt. Kirk

"The stone was so big", Shatner said, "you'd want to wear it on your finger." in reference to the kidney stone he sold for $25,000. The money will go to charity. What a great guy.

Fox is getting rid of That 70's Show and Malcolm in the Middle, which isn't to big of a surprise. It also looks like Arrested Development might be moving to Showtime. I don't want to have to get cable. Damn it. Arrested is ending its maybe last session with 4 back to back episodes on Feb. 10. We should have a big farewell party that night.

You may have thought the last Hulk was bad, but the next one is going to be worse. Looks like David Duchovny is going to take over for Bana and the big green guy. Wow that doesn't sound right at all.

coming to a boil

boston legal
Shatner is still getting married, and M.J. Fox is still on. Seeing that I wrote way to much about the golden globes last night I am going to make this short and just give some of the highlights--
-Shatner singing "Time of my life" with Beverly
-Fox helps out with a case and does a really good job. He did really good this whole episode.
-Shatner and Spader dancing together while talking about a case. The close ups of the inlocking fingers was nice.
-Shatner "If you would excuse me I left Beverly on simmer and she should be coming to a boil about now"

The Globes

63rd golden globes
I know that this is going to be all over online but I'm writing it as I watch it. I would rather just write down what I think than sit here talking to myself. So her is my summery of the night...

-best supporting actor-
George Clooney -he looked pretty good. He has been around enough where he doesn't feel like he has to thank everyone he knows so it was a good speech with jokes and all.

-best supporting actress-
Rachel Weisz(Constant Gardener)-I haven't seen the movie yet so I don't really have an opinion on this. Her speech was boring.

-best supporting actor in TV movie/series-
presented by Jessica Alba(who looked amazing) and Luke Wilson-a fun pair-
Paul Newman won for Empire Falls-I have not seen this, but I hear it's good. Paul wasn't there.

-best supporting actress in TV movie/series-
Sandra Oh (Gray's Anatomy)-I've only seen the show a few times. It was OK. She kind of seems annoying.

-best actress TV series drama-
Geena Davis (Commander and Chief)-This is my first big boo of the night. I have seen this show a few times and it is awful.

-best actor TV series drama-
Hugh Laurie (House)-I'm glad he won. I like this show and he kicks ass. He had a pretty funny speech. It's funny that in real life he has an English accent and you would never know it from the show. Good job Hugh.

-best mini series or motion picture made for TV-
Empire Falls- 2nd one of the night. Might have to Netflix it when it goes to DVD.

-best actor TV comedy-
Steve Carell (The Office)- Glad for this one. He gave a good speech. He has had a pretty good year with The Office and 40 Year Old Virgin.
Zach Braff and Jason Lee were also nominated and I would have been happy with any of them.

best actress in comedy/musical-
Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line)-Yes! I think everyone wanted her to win. I know I'm not alone is saying that she made everyone that watched that movie fall in love with her.

-best actress in a TV comedy-
Out of the 5 nominees 4 of them were from Desperate Housewives and Marry-Louise Parker from Weeds ended up winning. I've never seen the show but it sounds funny. I guess she plays a weed dealing mom.

-best actor in a TV movie or mini series-
Jonathan Rhys Meyers (Elvis)-Like a lot of this shit I have never see it. I kind of wanted Bill Nighy (The Girl in the Cafe) to win. I have never seen it but it looks good and Bill was awesome in Love Actually.

-best actress in a TV movie or mini series-
Epatha Merkerson (Lackawanna Blues)--I really didn't care about any of the people that were nominated. The show doesn't look very good.

-best screenplay motion picture-
Brokeback Mountain- Damn good movie and I'm glad it won. When the people went up on stage they had the music from the film playing and just that made me sad. It is such a great tragic movie. I like how one of the writers thanked his typewriter for being a noble machine and keeping him out of the dry embrace of the computer.

-best TV series musical or comedy-
Desperate Housewives-I think they won last year too. It's a good show. I kind of wanted to see My Name is Earl win. That just would have been fun to see Jason Lee win something.

-best foreign language film-
Paradise Now-Have not see it and have nothing to say about it. Promise from China was nominated and that looks pretty cool.

-best original score motion picture-
John Williams (Memoirs of a Geisha)-OK.

-best original song motion picture-
A Love That Will Never Grow Old (Brokeback Mountain)- This is fine but I would have liked to see Mel Brooks win for The Producers song.

Anthony Hopkins got the big Cecil B. Demille award for the night. It was fun seeing a clips from a bunch of his movies from young to old. He is a great actor playing everything from Hitler to Nixon to Hannibal Lector.

-best director motion picture-
Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain)- Good job Lee. It is a hell of a lot different from his other movies and he did a damn good job. I really think that it is one of the better movies this year.

-best actor musical/comedy-
Joaquin Phoenix (Walk the Line)- I think that everyone is happy about this. He took the biopic, which normally sucks, and made it awesome. I like that he thanked John and June for sharing their lives with us. I would have also really liked to see Johnny Depp or Jeff Daniels win. I just saw the Squid and the Whale yesterday and it was amazing.

-best musical/comedy-
Walk the Line-Yep. Thats what I thought. I love it.
I just want to say that they should give musicals and comedies their own category. Its not really fair to lump them together.

-best TV series drama-
Lost-I have only seen a few and didn't really like it. I hear its awesome if you watch it from the beginning...maybe someday I'll find out. I am kind of surprised that Prison Break was nominated. The OC is better than all of them...it should win comedy and drama.

-best actress in a motion picture drama-
Felicity Huffman (Transamerica)-I really want to see this movie. It looks really fun. It looks like she plays a great man who wants to be a woman. I think this is playing at the lagoon now. We should get a crew together and go see it.

-best actor drama-
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote)-This is the one award I actually cared about. If Hoffman wouldn't have won I would have been sad. This was an amazing film and it was all because of Hoffman. He can play anything.

-best motion picture drama-
Brokeback Mountain-Could see this one coming and I am glad of it. It is an amazing film. If you haven't seen it you need to.

Over all tonight was pretty good. It's nice to see a lot of good movies nominated. There were really no blockbusters even in the running. It's nice that people are getting sick of that shit and are recognizing the smaller (well I guess because people are recognizing them they aren't really smaller anymore) films. I guess people are just getting better taste...Thank god. I would have liked Capote and The Squid and the Whale to win more, but are least they were nominated.

Sam's best looking award goes to Scarlet Johanson.

PS. I was kind of drunk when I wrote this so if something doesn't make sense don't blame me, blame the So Co.

Dan you add your own opinion to this in italics...

Sebulski: Come Back from Portland

We’re awesome at bowling again. Our lowest game was in the high 140s and our high was 191 (thanks to me). I’m not really sure how we pulled it off, but I’m pretty sure it had something to do with drinking some Sparks beforehand to wake us up. So, I don’t have the exact scores, but here’s a quick summary of what went down:

The team we were playing against is unpredictable. Two of them were so-so, and the other was either extremely good or extremely terrible. He was terrible the first game, and Cigs and I bowled in the 160s, Sam in the 150s. The other guy was doing really well the second game, but I got a 191, Cigs a 181, and Sam a 161, I think. The third game, they fell apart again. I’m not sure what we ended up with, but I was in the 150s, Sam was in the 140s, and Cigs beat me by 6 pins that game, which meant that for the entire night, I beat Cigs by a pin. So, 7 points for us in the league, which will hopefully boost our position a bit.

And, of course, afterwards, we played a little BBH, which I was terrible at. I think Sam won overall, but mostly I was distraught at how impossible it was for me to shoot a stupid deer.

Key moment: Guy on the other team asking us what our team name (Seivy Sebulski) meant. Cigs was all, fucking ha-ha giggly about it for some stupid reason. But I explained to the guy that we named our team after our childhood friend with whom we used to bowl, but he moved out to Portland, and then I had to also explain that Ciggy never got along with him and that’s why he was giggling…but really its because his name is Jayne and he’s a little girl.

Also: Hostel is playing at Willowgate (Wynnsong) at noon on Saturday. This work for you guys?

I'm insensitive + miscellany

This article is attempting to point out that Fat Americans are tending toward a state of complacency when it comes to their weight. It tries to put it in a positive spin: “With about two-thirds of U.S. adults overweight, Americans' attitudes toward overweight people are shifting from rejection toward acceptance, researchers have found.” Acceptance? I think it’s called laziness. I interviewed a few of the "overweight" and they seemed to say something like, “Yeah, sure, I know I’m fat, but now I just don’t give a shit. I mean, I don’t have time to worry about losing weight; I’ve got more eating to do.”

In lieu of my review of Hostel (yet to be written), here’s one written by the Horror Geek over at IGN. It’s pretty positive, which is nice for me because I agree with a lot of what he’s saying.

And, in case anyone cares, Altman is getting the lifetime achievement award during the Oscars.

I'm really hungry

hey everyone is getting married. Macauley Culkin is wedding Meg Griffin/Jackie Burkhart/Mila Kunis. And Jack Black is marrying Tanya Haden. Also Brad confirms that him and Lara Croft are together and pregnant. I think she already has like 50 kids but this will be the first one that is actually hers. I think all the adopted kids will be the real one's slaves.

Grayskull Mountain. Pretty funny...go look at it.

Maybe I'm just behind but I just heard about David Fincher's new movie Zodiac. It sounds pretty damn cool.

Crumbs might be pretty funny. It's the new ABC show staring our favorite wonder boy Fred Savage. I won't be watching it. It is on during the OC. By the way I will always watch the OC, but it really pisses me off how 60% of the good TV is on Thursdays at 8. The OC, the Office and My name is Earl, and maybe Crumbs if that ends up being very good. Goddamn. Anyway someone who doesn't watch the OC (god forgive you) should watch Crumbs and let me know how it is.

god like shell

Boston Legal--
Starts out with a charity where Shatner is the honoree and giving a speech. Almost misses his speech because he was having sex in the coat room with some lady he met at the bar. Shatner "It's funny I just had sex with this woman and she gave me her card and I have no desire to throw it away."

M. J. Fox guest stars as some rich guy dying of cancer. He hits on his lawyer. Overall he does a pretty good job. He is really getting old, but he didn't seem to shaky.

Shatner, about the coat room girl who says she wants to fulfill every fantasy on his list...yes he has a list, "Its like having a one night stand, every night, with the same woman."

Shatner had sex on his desk and forgot to close the blinds on the hallway window. He gets yelled at and says "I'm sorry. From now on, in this office, the blinds go down before anything else does."

At the end--Shatner "Did I tell you I'm are getting married?"
Spader "No" ...long pause... "I would have remembered that."
I really don't think they will end up getting hitched, at least I hope not.

God there is so much good shit on this show I could quote the whole thing. If you don't already you really need to start watching it. Next to the OC it is by far the best show on TV. Tuesday nights at 9 on channel 5.

Spader talking to another lawyer. "You know I have an extreme affection for my own intelligence, and even I know your smarter than me."

Highlight-
Shatner--"As god like as I seem to you and other people I am mortal inside this god like shell, and I am not a one woman man."
"Denny Crane as long as we're together feel free to have sex with anyone you'd like."
"God I love you."

Retain the Right to Ridicule

Comedy Central has denied claims that they pulled a future episode of South Park due to pressure from some religious fanatics. Instead, they pulled it because of the holidays, and then said, “As satirists, we believe that it is our First Amendment right to poke fun at any and all people, groups, organizations and religions and we will continue to defend that right.” I may not be a satirist, but I think I retain that right too.

Where the Wild Things Are still might get made, which is awesome because Spike Jonze is fantastic and the book is fantastic.

And I linked this in the Pandas comments, but I thought I’d post it here too. Uwe Boll being an idiot.

Chenkuye

Well the WB is obviously trying to copy the success of Smallville with its new show Aquaman. I started watching Smallville when it first came out and I really liked it, but then I just kind of stopped and now whenever I randomly see and episode it seems like its gone downhill. Might have to check out at least the pilot of Aquaman and see if its any good.

God Rachel just keeps on getting more and more perfect. I didn't know she was half Italian. There is a short interview with her here.

PS-New episode this week.

PPS-I'm going to marry her

I don't know if you guys know about this or not, but you should go to Kazakhstanis Against Borat. It's pretty damn funny.
"America national sport is called baseballs. It very similar to our sport, shurik, where we take dogs, shoot them in a field, and then have a party." -Borat

And Josh talks about maybe getting Firefly back on TV here.

you shot a cow

Alright, I don't have much time so here is the short bowling rap up. I started off doing pretty damn good. I got a lot of strikes. I think around 10 turkey chances and just one turkey. Dan also had one turkey and Ciggy had two. Ciggy had high game of 180-something. We all ended pretty close for nightly pin total. Next week Craig Christ will be back with us. It will be nice to have teams again. I got kind of drunk and sucked at Big Buck Hunter after. BBH is the 2nd best sport in the world, next to bowling. Dan can add more details to this if he wants but I'm out of time.

PS-- I guess the Joker will be the next villain for Bale, and Adrien Brody wants to play him...I think that would kick ass

the eyes of a ranger are upon you

Everyone needs to read this article. It starts out with "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own." It is all about the greatness of Mr. Norris, his cult following and why he is such an icon in todays world.

--Favorite quotes--
-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
-Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday.
-Chuck Norris does not go hunting because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Side note-I took karate lessons from one of Chuck's stunt doubles out in Oregon. He looked exactly like him...it was awesome.

The New NBC drama "Book of Daniel" debuts tonight. Christians are boycotting it for some reason. Its about an "Episcopal priest who has a prescription-drug problem, a gay son and regular conversations with Jesus." Everyone should come over before Hostel and watch it. If you don't think you want to watch it just go look at this picture.

Devil's Due is releasing a new G.I. Joe vs Transformers: The Art of War comic. It looks like it is going to kick ass. I'm pretty excited. Writer Tim Seeley, "Writing these characters has the charm of meeting up with old friends; a pleasure, a privilege, but also a war! … Consider this the end-all, beat down of wars!"

RIP Pervis Loinflash

It is my sad duty to announce that my friend Justin's hampster, Pervis Loinflash, has died. I expect all of you to go to his blog and write your condolences.

Notes

Notes on bowling: We won one game out of three. We now officially suck on Thursdays. Some games in the 160s, some in the 150s, some in the 140s, some worse…specifics are not important here. All I know is that we better start kicking ass in our league.

Notes on playing the bowling arcade game in the bar: Sam kicked our asses. He won both series we played. I was feeling drunk and sucked it up big time. Silver Strike is the new Great Way to Kill Time in the Bar.

Notes on Hostel: k(i)d sez: “Hostel is playing at Willowgate (Wynsong) at 7:30, 9:30, and 11:50. I intend to go to one of these shows.” I, too, intend to go, and would vie for the 9:30 show. Comment if you’re In or Out or have other suggestions that I may acknowledge but probably ignore.

good news all around

Cool article here about Phoenix and Shooter going to Folsom.

About time they get rid of Billy. Jon Stewart is going to host the Oscars this year. They might be worth watching.

Wow even more good news. Futurama might be starting up again.

Go watch the trailer for Pan's Labyrinth. It looks damn cool. Directed by Guillermo del Toro...the guy who gave us Blade II and Hellboy. The rest of you don't matter, but if you are Dan or Ciggy you should really watch it.

I don't mean to gloat, but...

…I had one of the better bowling nights of my life last night. I know what you’re thinking: “Last night was Wednesday, right?” Yes, it was. But Kate and I were sitting around the house, bored, and randomly decided to go bowling. I figured that I had missed Sunday because I was out of town, and I could use the warm up for the big league night tonight. So, this is a summary of how awesome I am:

Out of 7 games, only 1 was below a 160. I had two 160s, a 161, 162, 168, a 176, and then some shitty 130 game. In the third game, I was trying to beat my as of then high score of 162, and had 108 in the eighth frame, no marks. I bowled 4 strikes in a row to finish with a 168, and then continued to bowl 2 more strikes the next game for a total of 6 in a row. I picked up a split, averaged 160, and was overall amazing at bowling. I just need to do that well tonight.

Highlights for Kate: Two doubles, and she didn’t get insanely pissed when I beat her by 60 pins.

Scrubs, how I've missed you...

Because of the weird changeup in TV stations’ schedules, I was able to catch the season premiere of Scrubs last night. It’s been a while since I’ve watched the show, but its always had a place in my heart because of its hilarious absurdity and faux-sincere montage endings that really turn out to be big jokes overall. So, I was pretty excited to watch a full hour of it last night…

And it didn’t disappoint. In recent interviews with Zach Braff, he’s mentioned that they weren’t sure if the show was going to be cancelled or not (why oh why are the stupid TV networks trying to pull all the good shows?), so they decided to amp up the wackiness of the show…Braff’s character getting shoved into a small backpack, cool CG effects to show Turk dropping a birth control pill into his wife's mouth, and on and on…

The bottom line is that the show makes me laugh. I might not be laughing throughout the entire 30 minute episode, but when the jokes work, they really work.

Key moment: The multi-ethnic siamese twin doctors.

my first review of the new year so far

Hey, I have the internet again, which means I'm back at school. A lot has happened during the break, and yet nothing really that interesting happened. Movies were watched, books were read, music was listened to, pins were nocked down, booze was drunk and nights were forgotten. That about sums up the last few weeks of last year, maybe throw a little family and a lot of food in the mix. Enough about last year...what has been going on this year? We are already in our 3rd day of 06 and its going pretty good so far. On the first day of the year I woke up on Ciggy's couch at about 10am extremely dehydrated. I watched Four Brothers, which is a damn good movie,a lot of fun, and you can't go wrong with Marky Mark and Andre 3000. After that we watched the Ali G movie. Now this is pretty good, not as good as the show, but it did have a few amazing parts. Soon after that I found myself on my couch watching Dead Man and then some TV.
Ciggy came over and we went bowling (bitch dan was out of town). 2 lanes + 2 people = 2 hot, sweaty, tired guys. Me and Ciggy were both a little tired already from the 10 hours of drinking the night before so we didn't have a shit load of energy. Bowling was uneventful for the most part. Ciggy bowled a 189 or something like that. My high was around 165. I had like 5 turkey chances, and got 1...Ciggy had 1. We had fun even though we bowled about as bad as the cute little high-school girls next to us.
After bowling Ciggy came back to my place and we watched Three Kings (2 Marky Mark films in one day...kick ass) and Serenity. The next day we woke up about 1ish. After watching Magnum P.I. we went to buy Firefly (the TV show Serenity is based on). First we tried the Target on Lexington...they were out, but I still picked up The Ghost and the Darkness and Payback, both of which were $7.50. Next we tried the new Target by Har Mar. They were also out. So I got a Merle Haggard best of CD. Normal people might have given up at this point, but me and Ciggy are far from normal. So now we are off to Best Buy. Yes they have it, but god forbid that I don't buy something at every store we stop at, so I picked up the new Ryan Adams cd 29.
We got back to my place about 3 o'clock and after much soda and frozen pizzas and cigarettes and cowboy/samuri/sci-fi fun Ciggy left around 1. We have 3 episodes left, which we are going to finish on Thursday(so get ready Dan). Firefly is amazing. I suggest you watch Serenity and if you like it (which I'm sure you will) go watch Firefly.
Wow I just wrote way to much and if you made it this far...good job. The first 2 days of the year were awesome, but now I'm back at school sitting in class for 3 hours and I'm ready for next year...

an update?

So...It's been a while. Sam's been away from the internets for a while (as he's been away from school) and I've been all over the Midwest for the holidays. I'm hoping to jump back into my normal routine and have this thing updated more frequently. TV's been all over the place...reruns have been shown, shows have been cancelled and then not cancelled (e.g., Arrested Development), movies have been watched and not reviewed...pretty much, there's been a general sad state of media watching and blog updating. Perhaps the new years will change things.

Also: I don't know where the comments went. Last I looked, they weren't there. Strange. Sam's the one that set us up with haloscan, so I'll leave that to him to look into. Other than that, expect some capsule reviews of various things within the next few days.

I'm Late, I'm Late, I know...

I realize that Sam hates this excuse, but I have been rather busy at work, and was unable to even get access to the internet; hence, I haven’t posted on Sunday’s bowling. But since it was such an awesome night (for two of us), I’m still going to write about it.

One thing needs to be mentioned before I give the scores. Sam was already drunk when Cigs and I got there. I believe that this is why he didn’t have a great night until later into the evening. Also, it was hilarious to watch him go through the process of not being drunk enough to not be horribly upset right away to later in the night where he didn’t give a fuck if he threw the ball in the gutter. Coincidentally, it’s when he stopped caring (and took a shot of SoCo and lime) that he started bowling well again. Weird.

So, how did we do? Pretty fucking awesome. Overall, I beat Cigs by 2 pins with totals of 1605 and 1603. I had four games over 170, topping out at 190. Cigs had only four games under 160 and topped out at 203. We were neck to neck most games, resulting in insane tension and trash talking throughout the night. I had two turkeys, Cigs had one, and we had a few team turkeys. Like I said before, Sam started out a little shaky (although he did win the first game). He had a few rough games, then started bowling like he normally does after drinking a bit more.

Highlight: I threw my ball backward again and Sam hit the floor crying with laughter harder than my ball did.

the paper...

So, I was supposed to do a write up on bowling last night. And I will. At least half of a write up. I forgot the piece of paper that has all of our scores on it, so I can't say much. But, I will say this: We won 2 out of 3 games. Ciggy had a 224 in the second game. In the second game, we all started our first frame with a 4-5 split. We all kicked ass the first game, but, as we already know, I don't remember the exact scores. The only other thing worth saying is that we have finally bumped ourselves out of ninth place into sixth. With these two wins, hopefully we can make it into the top 5. Better update next time...

half gallon of proof

I don't have time for much so here is what you get. I went and saw King Kong today. I really liked it. It was awesome/intense/romantic/epic/funny and just an overall good time. I now support bestiality (I think that was Peter's goal). I hope all the christians protest the movie because you shouldn't be in a romantic relationship with a monkey. Monkeys can't be christians and the bible says to be equally yoked...I hope thats their argument.
Anyway...
Can't wait to see the gay cowboy movie this weekend. Anyone want to go? We could get a crew together.

SPLIT!!!11!

I sucked at bowling again. And while I did get the high score for the night with a 178, it took me four games to even get a strike, and I was the only one who didn’t get a turkey. Sam and Cigs didn’t bowl too hot either. Cigs did finish off with a 171 for his high game, and Sam had something around 150. There were many horrible games, but we ended the night well, dashing up to the lanes like children, screaming the setup we thought we would leave. It never really worked out, because I kept screaming, “STRIKE!” and “SPARE!” but mostly got a “SPLIT!”

Also: I’m not one to link to my friend’s blog, but if you’re looking for something hilarious to read, head on over to my buddy’s blog: Justin from One Trick Pony. Seriously. Also, if you want to watch something funny, watch his videos.

3 out of 3 isn’t bad, is it?

So, yes, we won all three games last night. And yes, we had a very solid first game. But, I’m still not satisfied with it. Why? Because I sucked. Well, not the first game. The first game, I had the low score for the game with a 157. Sam had a 189 and Cigs, the high of the night, 196. The second game, Ciggy and I decided that bowling was stupid, so we bowled a 122 and a 118, respectively. Sam, kept on with his whole, I’m-going-to-bowl-in-the-one-eighties-thing and bowled a 180. The third game, none of us bowled well. Sam still finished with a 146, but I had a 139, and Cigs had a 123.

And although some of those scores look rather stark, our averages were all right. I had a 138 average; Cigs, 147; and Sam with the insane 172 average for the night.

Highlights: In the first game, Sam started bowling strikes, and well, we really didn’t feel like stopping. He bowled four in a row, Cigs bowled a turkey, and I had scattered strikes throughout the game. In the end, Sam and Cigs had a total of 5 strikes each, and I had a total of 6 strikes. They still beat me because they linked theirs. Bastards.

sane man

Oops, no posts lately. I am at the end of the semester and have been busy as shit, I don't know what Dans excuse will be. I haven't watched any TV worth talking about yet this week so there really hasn't been much to my life. I did watch the first session of the Ali G show. Its amazing. I'm going to buy the 2nd session today...maybe I'll post about it in the near future.

My hero is coming back...kind of...hes still dead, but there is going to be some new Bill HIcks shit released. A show from 89 called "sane man". Im looking forward to it. Read about it and Hicks here.

"We gotta come to some new ideas about life folks ok? I'm not being blase about abortion, it might be a real issue, it might not, doesn't matter to me. What matters is that if you believe in the sanctity of life then you believe it for life of all ages. That's what I hate about this child-worship syndrome going on. "Save the children! They're killing children! How many children were at Waco? They're killing children!" What does that mean? They reach a certain age and they're off your fucking love-list? Fuck your children, if that's the way you think then fuck you too. You either love all people of all ages or you shut the fuck up." -Bill Hicks

Lanes made of gold

Yesterday, we found out we were loyal enough customers to bowl on the new, synthetic lanes. This means many things: 1) no more greasy, inconsistent lanes where your ball hooks one moment and then doesn’t in another, 2) the ball hooks more, making it more difficult to pick up the ten pin, and 3) consistency, which, in theory, means higher scores overall. It took a bit getting used to them, but I really think it’ll pay off in the end.

As for the night, we did fairly well. We all had decent games and there were some awesome games in there as well. Sam finished with the high for the night at a 205. My high game was a 190. Cigs’ was a 166. Sam had a record 8 turkey opportunities for the night, but only managed to convert 1. This might sound like he really sucks because he had 8 chances, but only got one; but, 7 doubles and 1 turkey is pretty goddamn impressive. I had 5 opportunities and 2 turkeys.

Other highlights: Sam was 3 for 3 on the 6-10 pin split conversion. I picked up a 7-5 pin split. Cigs somehow managed to launch the 8 pin into the 10 pin spot and left it standing. I almost threw the ball backward again.

Wild West

Top 5 Western films--
1-Tombstone
2-Magnificent Seven
3-An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
4-Dead Man
5-The Searchers

Runner up--
The Great Northfield Minnesota Raid--About Northfield Minnesota, filmed in my hometown in OR. My dad is in it as a lumberjack--kick ass.

Honorable Mention-
Shane-
Bill Hicks "I’m so sick of arming the world and then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries then we go and blow the shit out of ‘em. We’re like the bullies of the world, you know. We’re like Jack Palance in the movie Shane…Throwing the pistol at the sheep herder’s feet: “Pick it up.” “I don’t wanna pick it up mister, you’ll shoot me.” “Pick up the gun". “Mister, I don’t want no trouble huh. I just came down town here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about 10 rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble mister.” “Pick up the gun.” Boom, boom. “You all saw him. He had a gun.”

A Miscellany of Information

Birthday update: The plans for going out on Saturday have now been firmed up. Location = Town Hall. Time = party o’clock = 9:30ish or whenever you feel the urge to party.

Neil Gaiman: Sam and I are heading to the Neil Gaiman reading/signing Saturday morning at dream haven books. If you want more info, go to dream haven’s site.

Also: If you're planning on murding someone, make sure you have a MySpace account. A) It will make you more famous. B) The media will be fascinated by the absurd connections they can make between teenagers, blogs, and murders. C) The police can trace your steps leading up to the murder by reading the posts you made a few days earlier.

Two out of Three

The team that we, Sebulski, were bowling against last night had two no shows, so we were left with playing one of their bowlers while the other two’s scores were just added as their averages. Doesn’t seem like that much competition, and it doesn’t seem like that would motivate us to do well…but it did…well, some of us. Sam had an off night, and so, for the sake of my life (he threatened my life last night) and for the sake of Sam, I won’t post his scores. It didn’t seem to matter that much though, because we took the first and last games anyway.

The first game, I thought I had the win until around the eighth frame when Cigs pulled ahead and finished with a 170 and I, a 150-something. We finished off our first team turkey. Second game, Cigs still did quite well and I bombed and got an unmemorable score. The third game was by far our best. I finished with a 182 and Cigs finished in the high 160s (?). The best part of the game was the string of strikes that was actually started by Sam.

Fifth frame, he decided to say Fuck You to the rest of the night and bowl a strike. Cigs then did the same. Then I did. Then Sam did. Then Cigs did. Then I did. It was insane. 6 strikes in a row. Sam missed the seventh, but then Cigs nailed his, which left him with the only individual turkey of the night and a total of three team turkeys. We finished strong, both Sam and I getting an 8-spare, strike in the tenth frame. Hell yes.

Other Highlights: The guy next to us bowled an amazing split conversion. It was a 7, 10, 4, 8 setup. He rocketed his ball between the 7 and 4, sent the 4 soaring into the 8, which crashed into the 10. Anyone who has no idea what I’m talking about and can’t appreciate the beauty of this amazing throw: go fuck yourself.

T5RWINHANTM

Instead of doing a full fledged post (because I have a meeting in 5 minutes), I will follow in the footsteps of Sam and give you my Top 5 Reasons Why I Now Hate America's Next Top Model:

1. Jayla’s gone
2. Kim’s gone
3. Nik isn’t gone
4. Bre isn’t gone
5. No one was making out/getting drunk/being a total bitch

That's really all that's worth knowing about the episode last night. Now it's not really worth watching.

birthday. party. saturday.

In lieu of my birthday (last Sunday) and because of its horrible proximity to Thanksgiving and people being out of town, we’re having a thing/party/get together somewhere on Saturday. So, I formally invite anyone and everyone and extend to you the right to invite others. Even if you hate my birthday, you can use it as an excuse to hang out with other people who also hate my birthday. The location is TBD. The begins at approximately party O’clock. Updates soon.

I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your lying, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before...

Heres a try at a 2nd list...what do you think?

Top 5 holiday movies
1-Love Actually
2-Home Alone
3-A Christmas Story
4-The Nightmare Before Christmas
5-Bad Santa

Runner ups--
Edward Scissorhands
A Muppet Christmas Carol
Home Alone 2-Lost in New York
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Mag. P.I.

I didn't watch it because I don't like fat people but it turns out that Matt Hoover won on the Biggest Loser. He won $250,000 and lost 157 pounds. If you ask me he could still afford to lose another 50 or so. The more important question is "who cares?" People want to see good looking people on TV...STOP THIS SHOW.

If you are a dumb ass and haven't started watching Boston Legal yet you better soon. Tom Selleck is going to be guest staring on an episode. Wow, Spader, Shatner and Selleck...thats sssexy.

And I'm sure we all have missed our weekly diet of Paris and Nicole. Well fear not the Simple Life is on E! now...thank god.

1st Top 5

Ok last night me and Eric were sitting down making top 5 lists, and I thought "Hey we should start doing this on the site." So I am. We are now making Top 5 lists. Feel free to make suggestions for future lists and to bitch about what I think is great. So here we go on a desert island top five...
Film actors you would like to spend the day with
1-Johnny Depp
2-Christopher Walken
3-Bill Murray
4-Bill Shatner
5-Steve Zahn

Tuesdays the new Thursday

So we don't have league because of Thanksgiving so we went bowling last night. Things weren't so good...looks like we can only bowl on Thursdays and Sundays. Sam(I) was pretty average. The high game was a 168, which I got twice. I ended up with an average of 156. Dan and Ciggy would kick my ass if I told their scores. Me and Dan both bowled turkeys. Ciggy picked up a nice 5/7 split. Other than that we bowled pretty damn bad. We drank Amberboch instead of MGD so that was nice.

Highlight-
Me and Ciggy walk in and Dan is talking to this guy who wants to give him his bowling ball. Turns out the guy bowled like shit and blamed it on the ball so he was talking to his ball saying "I'm going to flip this coin and if it's heads you can come home with me, but if its tails we say our good byes and you stay here." Well it landed tails, so he was giving his ball to Dan. Turns out it didn't really fit Dan or Cigs, but it fit me perfectly. So I now have 2 bowling balls. This one is nice because its a 16 pounder and has the finger grips. I think its going to be my strike ball and old Sammy Hall with be my spare ball.
--If anyone has an extra bowling ball bag that they want to give me that would be grand.

2 200s, 5 turkeys, 1 misfire, & 1 nipple

Ah Sunday bowling. Again, a night of ten games is hard to keep straight, and so I’ll focus on some highlights. First and foremost, Ciggy bowled the high game of the night with a 229. He had an impressive six strikes in a row in the first six frames and then almost finished with another turkey in the end, but was shy one strike. I unexpectedly beat my all-time high score of 201 with a 205. I thought I was getting a 180-something until I realized that I bowled a turkey in the ninth to tenth frames. Sam had a high in the upper 160’s, I think. We had many close games.

Other highlights: Ciggy had three turkeys and I had two. At some point in the night I forgot how to hold a bowling ball and threw it backwards. I don’t think the other’s will let me live that down.

And this is for the O.C. fans out there. Or, at least, Mischa Barton fans…

I'm getting a new friend...

Nikki Reed is joining the cast of the OC. I don't know what part she is going to play but IGN thinks that "she might best fit in with the new group of kids from Newport Union, given her somewhat gritty indie rep." I think that this would be ok as long as she doesn't try to go after Seth...he's Summers. She's only on for 4 episodes so she might die or somthing like that.

For more sexy news David Bowie might be in the new Christopher Nolan film "The Prestige". I hope he does it...there isn't enough Bowie in my life. Hey when does he get a bio film. People would like that, more than a hobbit playing Iggy Pop at least. Does he have to die first?

306

I have been a little behind on my OC reviews. I haven't been able to download 305 yet so I'm just going to look at 306 right now and then I'll come back to it. It starts out with Marisa having this really weird dream about trey and all that shit. It was kind of weird. It's the only the 2nd time they have done something like this(slow motion/crazy dream vision). The other time was in 301 when they were doing a flash back to what happened with Trey after Marisa shot him. Anyway after the dream she calls Ryan who was sleeping and told her to back to bed and they would talk about it later. Marisa being kind of emotional just wanted to here that Ryan was there for her...this sets up Johnny being the "guy who understands me".
It is Ryan's first day back at Harbor and he can't get in trouble. Taylor is still a huge bitch and she is throwing a senior lock-in and the whole class has to go. Thats the only way she can make friends according to her mom anyway. "Locking in a bunch of kids so you don't have to spend another Saturday night alone...Taylor un-tuck your shirt your ass is so not made for low-riders."...nice mom.
Marisa and Johnny talk a bunch and open up to each other and flirt and have eye sex and try to pretend nothing is happening because they both already have significant others. Marisa ditches out on dinner at the Cohen's for Johnny. Summer sees what is going down and tries to stop it. Goes to the surfing party and sees the major flirting between Johnny and Marisa and calls Ryan to come break it up. Everything is weird...asshole surfer guy Volchek (sp.) sleeps with Johnny's girl...Ryan is there for him. Johnny goes after Volchek and would have got his ass kicked so Ryan comes and hits him...good old days. Because of this Summer and Ryan miss the lock-in. Taylor is making a fool of herself because everyone hates her...rightly so. She has a huge heart so he steps up and takes the attention away from bitch. She doesn't have any friends and Seth is alone so they end up hanging out. Now Taylor likes Seth and all that stuff.
Sandy isn't going to sell the Newport group he is now going to run it with his young apprentice Matt.
Kirsten is helping Julie and Charlotte throw a benefit thing. Julie and Charlotte and going to pull a scam and just split the profits.
Over all this was a really good episode. I can say that even more now that I have seen 307 and know how 306 is just setting up the best episode of the session. I really like that Ryan and Johnny have formed this kind of brother hood...it will help create more drama with the whole "we're friends but I like you girl" type thing. Kirsten is being used right now, but she is having a good time which is awesome, and she's still off the good stuff. Seth and Summer are always awesome...it will be interesting to see where is Taylor thing goes. I know Seth would never go for it, but Taylor is a scheming bitch...I'll have my review of 307 up soon.

Highlights...
-Chino Boy punching someone again.
-Taylor's awesomely mean mom
-Summer telling Ryan that Marisa is with Johnny. Seth "Ryan try not to punch Summer."
-Sandy about corporate America "I loath it all: the greed, republicans, navy suits."

Sebulski: a play

We started out rather strong in last night’s league bowling. I don’t know if it was the great O.C. episode, the bitchy, fat, lonely, white trash cunt screaming at us to take our street shoes off before descending the forbidden two steps that lead to the bowling lanes, or the fact that while said cunt was screaming at us, I sat in a puddle of water, but we were pretty worked up at the beginning, or, at least, I was.

The first game, I bowled a 150-something and Sam bowled a 140-something. Ciggy ended up lower than that, but it didn’t matter, because we won the match. The second game, I bowled a 168, Sam bowled a 150-something, and, again, Ciggy ended up much lower than that. Although we lost this game, it was pretty damn close. I tied one of their guys in handicap scores, Sam tied another, and then Cigs fell 10 pins shy.

The third game almost isn’t worth mentioning. Ciggy took off to go see the Harry Potter flick at midnight, so we set him up for blind bowling. He marked every frame that game (a three spare), which, I must admit, is pretty easy to do when the computer’s just filling it in for you. Without Ciggy there to do horribly, Sam and I amped it up a bit and bowled some of the worst games ever. Awesome.

Key moment:
Bitchy league woman [screaming]: “Don’t be so fucking stupid: take off your street shoes before going down there.”
Me: “Oh, well we’re here twice a week and it’s never been a problem.”
[We mumble hateful things together]
BLW: “Just don’t be so fucking dumb, Jesus.”
Ciggy: “Are you bowling here, right here [points at our table], right now?”
BLW: “Yes, we are.”
Ciggy: “Oh, because it looks like you’re a lane over and your game is finished.”
BLW: “It’s always the fucking men.”
Ciggy: “Yup, we’re all assholes.”
[A moment passes and then over the speakers we hear…]
Speakers: “Please do not wear your wet street shoes down by the lane.”
Us: “Jesus, they told on us.”
Me: “Why the fuck is my ass so wet?”
[Looks at chair; chair is wet; looks at ass; ass is wet.]
Me: “Damn.”
[End Scene]

America's Next Boring Episode

America’s Next Top Model was rather boring. They advertized it up as the models going to London and crazy stuff happening, but nothing really did. The first part of the show they hyped up Kim’s gossiping about the other models until it blew up in the limo ride to the airport. It was rather anticlimactic, and nothing really happened other than Bre, Nik, and Jayla ripping on Kim, Nicole defending her, and Kim crying. She did attempt to apologize and write a note to Nik, but Bre and Nik (being the bitches they are) didn’t believe her. Before that, they took their “passport photos,” which really turned into a test about always being aware of how good you look. They reiterated that lesson when they got to London and “paparazzi” started shooting photos of them, but it wasn’t really paparazzi, and it was a test. Big surprise there.

The photo shoot consisted of them getting naked and cramming into a phone booth with one another. Sounds great, but this even ended up being rather lame. None of the photo shoots have been as cool as last seasons (e.g., them dressing up as the seven deadly sins and modeling in a grave, posing with animals, etc.) In the end, it came down to Jayla and Lisa. Jayla’s normally pretty awesome at the photos etc., but has been sucking it up lately. Lisa’s normally awesome at everything, but she’s just an obnoxious alcoholic bitch. Lisa got kicked off. And while I was sad that Lisa got kicked off (she’s normally the only entertaining one on the show), I’d rather have it be her than Jayla. Seriously, though, kick off Nik.

Key moment: While everyone was tearing Kim apart, Lisa sat next to her eating chips like she was watching a show.

Mad Cow

Boston Legal was good. It would have been really hard for it to beat last week. Spader starts sleep walking...almost kills himself, he has night terrors. He's want shantner to sleep with him to keep him safe.
Shatner says that he's homophobic and tells spader to "be a man and get a girl." Spader wants to pay his assistant to sleep with him...She does.
A plastic surgeon got caught injecting his own ass fat into his patents lips
Shatner might have Alzheimer's but he tells everyone its mad cows disease.
He gets tested...has minor Alzheimer's or could actual have mad cow, I guess they have a lot of the same symptoms.

Highlight--
Shatner "I tried that night terror thing on 6 different women and none of them took the bate"

Sunday Bowling

A slightly late bowling review: Once you’ve bowled nine games, they all start to blur together. That is, of course, unless you have one game where everyone kicked ass. In this particular game, I finished with a 162. And that was the low. Ciggy had an amazing 193 but couldn’t compete with Sam’s 204. Sam, by the way, hadn’t bowled a 200 game since his all-time best score of 200 a few months ago, and now he’s bowled three games over 200 in the past week.

We all had high averages as well. Sam averaged a 160, Ciggy averaged in the 150s, and I averaged in the 140s. We really just need to pull these scores over into league night so we can start moving up in the rankings.

Other notable things: Sam bowled two turkeys, and I bowled one turkey. Our regular bar tender will be back next week. Thank god.

Gay Man

There is a good Neil Gaiman interview on Mr. Palahniuk's site. Neil is also going to be doing a signing on Dec. 3rd. I will be there.

This is kind of old news but just in case you didn't know Arrested Development is going to get the can. I hear that ABC and some other people are wanting to pick it up once FOX gets ride of it...lets hope so.

I am dedicating this week to JC and our undying love for him. No Im not talking about Jim Croce it's Johnny Cash time. I know we all like him (if you don't you can get off this site now) but it might have been a while since we have spent a good amount of time really listening to him. Let's all take a little time out of our week to re-listen to our old favorites before we go see the movie this weekend.

I also got the new Neil Diamond disc Yesterday. Its called 12 song and its pretty damn good...all 14 song...

Just call us Sam Sebulski

Bowling: So, we won all three games last night … but, neither Ciggy nor I can take credit for it. Sam held our team afloat. We were playing against a team with averages lower than ours, so we thought, hell, no problem. Then one guy starts bowling strikes, and I start to worry a bit. But not Sam. Calm, collected, he steps up and bowls four strikes in a row. Our competition may have had a 200 game, but Sam decided he was sick of 200 being his high score and bowled a 202. A 202 was high for the women’s league that plays before us, so he got a free drink. I, on the other hand, bowled a 131, which was the low for the women’s league, so I got a free drink.

The second game was crap.

After one crap game, Sam was already sick of having a 202 as his best score ever. So, he bowled a 214. Unless Cigs or I can pull something like that, we might rename the team Sam Sebulski.

Notable Mention: Ciggy rolled a game in the high 150’s; I believe a 157.

Other News: Sam can’t make it to Stephen Lynch next Friday (he already bought tickets to another show). So anyone who enjoys the Lynch, has an extra $30 lying around, and doesn’t have plans for next Friday (the 18th), let me know.

Tyra: don't play games with my heart

Top Model was such a tease last night. At the end of the episode, Jayla and Nicole were the last two, both of whom I like. Tyra tells them that both of them are packing their bags. Damn. I’m pissed. Both of them getting kicked off? One less week of Top Model this season? The world has spun off of its orbit? Then she says, “…because we’re all going to London next week.” So no one got kicked off. But that’s just not nice. Toying with my heart like that.

So, this episode they had a competition to land a guest role on UPN’s Veronica Mars. Kim was the only one to talk about acting and why she was qualified, so she won. Lisa started crying…probably because she wasn’t drunk at the moment. No one else was interesting, so Kim won.

The photo shoot was with the Wild Boyz, which turned out to be hilarious. They were supposed to look upset and sexy at the same time while the Boyz did something horrible to them (wear their underwear, dresses, etc.). Bre did well only because she was actually pissed off at them. Nicole sucked it up because she was laughing while Steve-O tried to convert Kim of her lesbianism behind her. Steve-O kept flashing the camera. Kim took another awesome picture and clinched a spot in the top two. Then after the photo shoot, Nicole was getting along with Steve-O, so Lisa came in wearing a diaper and pissed herself. Awesome. She's a bitch.

I watched a bit of Veronica Mars to see Kim in her guest role. Damn does that show suck. Bad acting, horrible city name (Neptune, CA), and the plotline just seems absurd. It wasn’t even worth watching for Kim’s short moment.

'Tis Thursday

Slow day--I was busy and didn't get to see Top Model lastnight...Hope dan will talk about it later

I only have 2 things to say

1-Castlevania is going to be a movie. I hope it's cool...I'm sure it will be.

2-Idaho blows- The god of internet comedy is back with more asshole humor.

We MUST bowl well tonight, the OC gods will be with us...

He's no has been

Boston Legal was amazing last night.
First a guys wife wants a divorce after being married for 23 years because he cheated on her...with a cow. The guys defense was that the cow reminded him of her. At the end he promised to call it off with his farm friends and move to the city so he would be free of temptation.
Spader had a case where they we accusing a clown of not being funny. It turns out Spader is scared of clowns and wets himself where their around.
Shatner was a god this episode. First he was order to defend a poor guy who had raped and killed a 13 year old girl...can't do it "he's poor i hate the poor, they cant pay. Can't i have a hooker i could do a hooker" Judge makes Shatner defend him or he will put him in jail. Shatner tries to plead guilty against the killers will, judge gets pissed off at him so Bill said to the judge "your a douche bag judge, i don't do well with douche bags"
In the back room the poor criminal told Shatner her had done the girl a favor by killing her quick because he had just given her AIDS. Shatner then proceeds to pull out a gun and shoot the guy in the leg twice. "It was an accident."
Shatner gets off with a self defense plea.
Shatner ending with the line "its fun being me. Is it fun being you? What else is there?"

Highlights...see Shatner quotes above...

Stop zooming in

Bones is actually decent now. I know, it’s shocking: a show with Angel and the lesser known Deschanel playing with dead bodies is all right, but it is. They’ve started playing up the minor characters: annoying woman who runs absurd technology is having second thoughts about her job, it’s revealed that the geeky chemical guy is really part of some wealthy elite family but would rather work in the lab than have that life, and the kid is, well, still that weird socially inept kid.

A note about said absurd technology: dear god there is no way that anyone in any show can take a security camera and zoom in retaining the picture quality. They use it in every crime show and it’s usually the key point in finding the killer. But it’s stupid. It wouldn’t work. It's all pixilated, and then BAM, it's a crystal clear picture. You all know what I'm talking about. And you also know that it's insane. Also, this show goes above and beyond that, somehow taking images of the bones and restructuring them in a hologram to see what they would look like with skin. Lame.

House was pretty great. Although the commercials hyped it up to be an episode in which House has to deal with his parents (and I enjoy the episodes that play up on his character beyond his asshole qualities), they gave that plot about five minutes. The rest of the plot was typical House: kid comes down with weird symptoms, mysteries are unlocked, House is always right, etc. But even though House was right, they were too late and the kid died. Crazy. They actually let someone die on this show.

Key moment:
House to boss: “If you help me get out of this dinner [with my parents], I’ll tell you who started the rumor that you were a transsexual.”
Boss: “That rumor doesn’t exist.”
House: “It will if you don’t get me out of this dinner.”

after this...i'm dead...

Quick bowling review: We all sucked again. By all, I mean Sam and me. Ciggy actually hit above his average over the three games. Sam and I had highs of 134’s or 135’s or something and lows of unspeakable nature. Ciggy rolled a high of 165, a game in the 140s, and a game in the 150s. Despite the fact that the guys next to us barely had higher averages, they bowled out of their asses and pulled some 170 and 180 games. Good for them. Really.

Much beer was consumed.

And now…I kill myself…

Zorgon vs. Nyarlathotep

This morning a representative of the Church of Scientology was on the Today Show. The interview started out rather uninteresting: talking about the key points of Scientology, where you can get information, blah, blah, blah. Then it got interesting. Katie asks him, “But didn’t L. Ron Hubbard say that Zorgon came from a planet 10,000 years ago and planted humans on Earth?” The guy responds, “That is not based on fact at all.” Wow, I think, he’s totally denying the validity of his religion. Then I realize that he’s saying they’ve stripped any of the mythology/crazy musings of Hubbard out of the new Scientology texts. He keeps saying that they have information that is very easy to access: shell out some money and you can buy some books. Even their webpage doesn’t tell you anything. It’s just a stupid scheme to get cash. Anyone could have figured that out just by looking at the guy’s smug expression and his nice suit, though. But, the Church of Scientology has a great method for money: take a science-fiction text, say it’s religion, then, in a few years, pull out any reference to the weird mythology and start charging people cash. So, I say to myself, time to start my own religion: the Church of Cthulhu.

I’m going to start a religion based off of the Cthulhu Mythos by H. P. Lovecraft. Starting out, we’ll worship the Creeping Crawling Nyarlathotep and possibly the creatures the Cult of Dagon worships (who could, by the way, kick Zorgon’s ass). In about twenty years, I’ll pull away from the strange mythology and just retain the key theme’s of Lovecraft: dreaming, knowledge, etc. I’ll write new books and posit them to be the Scriptures of the Church of Cthulhu. I’ll make lots of money and some young Hollywood star will make humiliate me on national television (I’m thinking that Haley Joel Osment will have a comeback and join in my cause; Dakota Fanning is too closely linked to Tom Cruise after War of the Worlds). The best part would be that sleeping would be a form of worship. If you can travel to the dreamscape and, eventually, make it into the Ether, you would be a holy person among mortals.

So who’s with me in my Holy Journey to Innsmouth? Dagon is my new Passion of the Christ. Let us follow the ways of Nephren-Ka.

Thursday is back

It's back. Finally the OC will return to us. Baseball is over and the universe is in order again. Now we will have dinner drink wine and beer and bowl like kings.

Your favorite fat man you love to hate is back. Katrina: The Wrath of Bush is the new Michael Moore. It is coming out next year sometime. I'm sure it will be typical Moore. He's not going to have anything to talk about once W is out of office.

America's Next Top Model was just a recap last night. It was still fun. Good to get caught up if you hadn't been watching from the beginning. Found out Jayla has a really sarcastic sense of humor which makes her seem like kind of bitch, which makes me want he even more, I would marry her.

Got the blues

Boston Legal was good as usual. It was one of the more serious episodes I have seen. Two parents teamed up to get rid of halloween, but for different reasons. One group was Christians and they didn't like witches the other group was witches and they didn't like the negative stereotype. The judge told them to not take themselves so seriously and halloween was about candy and fun.
Spader is suing the US over a solders death in Iraq--everyone is against him including Shatner. He had some good arguments and it was pretty right on, but he lost...
Shatner and spader were fighting because of the war case, Shatner was being a little bitch. At the end they both made up and dressed in their matching flamingo costumes
Spader "You look good in pink"
Shatner "Fine but I'm not going to sleep with you"
It was still a good episode but I hope the lighten up a little next week.

Highlight--
Shatner about the war "all you need to know is put me in charge I'll win the damn thing." while dressed as a flamingo and smoking a cigar


Steven Seagal has a blues CD coming out. If I don't by it will he kick my ass, and if so how will he to it...the karate chop, the neck break or just the punch to the face?

Peter Jackson is releasing a collectors edition of the Frighteners. It should be fun. Lots of good extras. Its coming this month. Dead Alive Next?

This is a great article about Christian Slater. He fell off Paris Hilton's roof. I didn't know he bit a guys stomach. A man after my own heart. We should pary with him sometime...

Prison Break: just call me the warden

Last night’s episode of Prison Break felt like just a catalyst for the rest of the show. Nothing terribly interesting happened. They expounded on a few stories, but nothing that furthered them in the pursuit of breaking out. Lincoln’s son eluded the secret service and caught up with Veronica, who has been in hiding with the guy with whom she’s working on Lincoln’s case. They revealed some information as to why the Vice President’s brother was murdered (money, of course). Redneck tried to hit on a new prisoner and Michael stopped him from doing so. The doctor found out some information on Michael. John (the mobster) lost his power in the prison circle.

So, it was just problem after problem and no progress, which, I must admit, is going to make things more tense in the long run. I have no idea how they’re going to get around these things that are stopping them. But without the thrill of some small victory (besides LJ, Lincoln’s son, escaping), I just felt negative the entire hour.

Key moment: prison guard brings woman into where Michael et al. are working to bang her and makes her call him the warden.

94% recall...I've tested myself

This weekend was good for movies. I'm going to give you the super short reviews.

Saw 2-Was OK. Not as good as the first. The thing that made the first one good is that it was so disturbing and a good twist at the end. The second one lacked both. It was pretty boring and only made me squirm once or twice and the twist sucked. I am glad I saw it because I would not have trusted any one else's opinion.
Saw 2 gets a 13 proof 5 dollar bottle of wine (kind of shitty but I've had worse)

Highlight-Bat with nails in it meet the back of dudes head.

Capote was awesome. Some of the best acting I've seen in quite a while. Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of the most underrated actors. Catherine Keener was also great as was Chris Cooper. It is about Truman Capote and the process of writing In Cold Blood. This was a movie where the story was vary typical but I still found myself being moved (which isn't easy).
Capote gets 120 proof. Probably in the form of some kind of vodka tonic because that is what he drank most of the time.

Highlight- Capote being a huge asshole all the time.

The Weather Man was pretty good. At some points I found my self wishing I was somewhere else, but it was worth waiting out those moments for some fantastic scenes. It was really funny film and the majority of the humor was pretty dry which is hard to pull off for some people, but Nick Cage did well. It had a really weird feeling, it felt like a major studio was trying to make some really character driven indy movie. Sometimes it felt forced, but most of the time it was good.
The Weather Man gets 60 proof. Really any kind of alcohol it just needs to have a ton product placement.

Highlight-The constant reference to his daughters "camel toe"

Just incase anybody thinks that movies are going downhill there is an end in sight. It was been recently brought to my attention that the man himself Sylvester Stallone is making 2 new moves. One being Rambo IV and the other being simple titled Rocky Balboa. They are both slated to come out next year. Prepare to get your ass kicked.

Dans back

Bowling Sunday went pretty good. We had a lot of close games and all our averages were pretty high. Dan wants to bowl good again for some reason. He must be sick of the 120's. So Princess Dandy polled a 192 out of his ass and got the only turkey of the night...here's a shot for you. If the three of us can bowl as good as we were on Sunday on Thursday we will kick ass, and I'm sure we will. How could we not its the return of the OC.