"From beginning to end, this is one of the most solid comedy films ever made. It's extremely offense, incredibly immature, and there are a few specific disgusting moments, but it's all done in this brilliant way where though Borat is definetly racist, a chauvinist, etc, I found myself rooting for him."
Read more about the upcoming Borat film here.
Ign's top 10 comic book villains on film...so far.
This is why it's good to be a magician. His assistants handed over money, plane tickets and other various items. Copperfield turned his pockets inside out to show he had nothing on him - a sleight of hand by the illusionist, who later showed police he was carrying a passport, wallet and cell phone.
Every great generation has their great invention that changed the course of human history (the internet, planes, the car, guns, fire, the bible, bitchesonboats.blogspot.com, etc...). I believe that I have found such a creation here. Even if I don't buy it I somehow feel better about the world we live in knowing it is out there.
Boston Last night was, as always, awesome. Denny Crane once again shot someone. This time it was his therapist who threatened to shoot Denny if he didn't shoot him first. It was looking like Denny was going to get kicked out of the firm until the trial when the therapist again polled a gun on the court and Denny saved everyone by shooting him again. Lots of other stuff happened that was great, but I'm not going to write about it.
Highlight-Spader ran into a girl from first season (which comes out May 23rd) when the show used to be on Sunday nights and said this
"I think it was a Sunday. Then I was taken off the air, you went off to do movies, and I got switched to Tuesdays, and here we are. With old footage."
and then later Spaders secretary says to him
"Don't fall for her, Alan. She's just a guest star".
oh yeah and Shatner saying
"I still feel that everything I've wanted to express in life is still bottled up inside me like a ... a kidney stone."
...go here for explanation
I was reading through Sjöberg's column today thinking, I'm not going to link to this. It's about geeks ramping up rodeos, and it's really not that funny. Then I got to the last paragraph, which has nothing to do with geeks. Go figure:Scandal
There can never be too many Cash references.
You really can't be a major sport without a series of scandals perking up the headline writers at your local paper. Whether it's football players attempting to blitz police officers or baseball players heading into Starbucks and ordering a decaf steroid macchiato, skeletons beat out scores any day. If rodeo is going to aspire to the popularity of, say, Major League Soccer, someone's going to have to get caught using performance-enhancing chaw or using a corked lariat or not supporting the troops. I suggest that a major rodeo star shoot a man just to watch him die. Instant headlines, plus it works thematically. Get video.
Call me a picky, but when I drink a non-alcoholic beverage, I want it to taste good. I find that most beverages I purchase out of a refrigerated case in a grocery store are crap. I’m lost my passion for pop, juice tends to be too sugary, and if it claims to have no sugar, it’s loaded to the cap with Splenda or some other artificial sweetener. Then I found heaven:
Take two things that I love: purified water and fruit. Combine them. Then don’t add anything else. No sugar, no Splenda, no carbonation; just pristine, beautiful, crisp water with a twist of fruit. This, my friends, is O Water. The company was started by the guys behind Nantucket Nectars, and while they’ve had a slow start on getting the business outside of the Northeast sector of the nation, it’s slowly moving here. Lunds is the only place I know of that carries it (but you have to buy it individually; they don’t yet sell it in cases). I recommend strawberry or wildberry. Mandarin orange is kind of crap.
Sure, you can claim that I’ve now posted twice about products I love and that I’m a huge bitch for doing so, but godamnit, this is exactly what I’ve been craving in a bottled beverage. I can now only hope that O Water will pay me in cases of this delicious beverage for shamelessly promoting their fantastic product.
Interesting article about the company from Forbes here (pdf).
I still have not fully remembered how to bowl. Most of my games were in the 130s with a few 160s and a 170 in the mix. Last night was Sam's night. After figuring out how to bowl strikes with his new throw, he bowled 6 strikes in a row to finish with his all time high of 234. This means that for Seivy Sebulski, our high scores are now 214, 234, and 254. That's right, we're all 20 pins apart. Strange, I think.
Highlights: Besides the obvious, I bowled two turkeys. Unfortunately, they were both in the 10th frame and weren't put to their best use. It could be said that Sam bowled two turkeys, and that they were just in a row. He had a shit-ton of doubles.
Normally I wouldn't link to a videogame review; especially when the game in question in the new Tomb Raider. However, I think it's a brilliant review. Instead of detailing the gameplay, graphics, etc., (it's already getting great reviews), he delves into the reason why young boys enjoy playing as Lara Croft (besides the obvious). This, in turn, morphs into an academic comparison of Slasher movies and being Lara Croft, more specifically the idea of the Final Girl and young male gamers identifying with a heroine in distress. Fascinating stuff, I say.
After bowling at least once every week for well over a year now, we somehow missed two weeks. Two weeks doesn't sound like that much, but when you first step out onto the lane again, attempt to concentrate, roll the ball toward the pins, and watch as it hooks differently than you had anticipated and land in the gutter, it feels like its been much, much longer. Needless to say, our scores were shit. Sam was attempting a new throw, so at least he had an excuse. I, however, did not. It didn't end all bad, though. I finished with the two highest scores of 193 and 177. I had two turkeys; Sam had one.
Bitchin' Highlights: Pre-game warm up--This consisted of eating pizza, drinking beer and watching part of A League of Ordinary Gentlemen. During The O.C., we resorted to drinking some nice Irish whiskey and smoking delicious cigars. If every sport's pre-game warm up was like this, I'd probably play more sports.
Reading this just makes me more excited for Richard Kelly's new movie, Southland Tales. It's a partial list of the films competing for the Palme d'Or prize in Cannes this year. Marie-Antoinette, Fast Food Nation, and (Sam'll love this) Pan's Labrynth are all in the mix as well. The trailer made it look like a cool, but schlocky Uwe Boll type movie, but this has me thinking that it has a lot more potential. I'll wait for an "I told you so" in the comments thread.
Star Trek actor George Takai (Sulu) apparently joined up with Soulforce Equality Riders when they visited Minneapolis' own North Central University in some sort of protest involving people being upset that Christian universities think homosexuality is a sin. Soulforce made a visit to Bethel, and dear god, if I were still there and had seen Sulu marching in with an army of homosexuals, I would have joined them in a second...
Ok so Craig Christ sent this my way and at first glance it looks to be a really good deal. Buy a Bowling Alley/Restaurant for $250.00! What could be better then that? Well, truth be told, it actually isn't all that great a deal. If you read the fine print you have to enter a tournament of at least 600 people, basically the owners are selling the place for $150,000.00. You also have to have a USBC or ABC/WIBC average, I am guessing that is over 200 and you have to have had it for the past 3 years. So that takes Sam, Dan and Myself out of the race. I am wondering if there are any pro bowlers out there that might want to enter in Bitches on Boats place? I think we could agree upon some extra amount you would receive if you win us the alley. Please leave us a comment if you are interested.
UPDATE: I went and took a look at the bowling alleys webpage and it looks like they are leaving everything in the bowling alley and kitchen. Here is a list of what comes with the Alley:
6 Brunswick A-2 bowling machines
Bowling pins
Wood lanes
Above-ground ball returns
Manual scoring
Rental shoes
House balls
Pro-shop equipment (drill, scale, etc)
Century 100 oiling machine
Lane maintenance equipment
Huge variety of spare parts
Rock-n-Bowl lighting
Cash register
Front counter
Office desk, filing cabinets, etc.
27-inch color TV
Neon “Open” sign
That list makes me really want this thing, even if it is in ND.
Reservoir Dogs in 30 seconds and acted out by bunnies. This is pretty damn funny.
There are a bunch of movies acted out by bunnies. I like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre one and the Shining a lot. All of them here.
This is the best news I've ever heard in my life. I knew it had to happen, but hearing it announced and reading details makes it even better.
Animals are weird, aren't they? This worm-like amphibian allows its children to tear off and eat a layer of its own skin. If humans were to use this method of nutrient supply, I would have no problem with mothers feeding their children in public. Instead of the awkward, I’m covering myself up with a blanket, but you all know what I’m doing look, we’d get to watch as babies crawled all over their mother, nibbling away at her face while she sits, looking around, smiling, like, "What? This is normal. It's my right to feed my child in public" as a piece of nutrient-filled flesh dangles from between the child's lips. A beautiful thought indeed.
The wall of people-who-have-been-cast in Stardust at Pinewood now includes Mr Peter O'Toole, Miss Billie Whitelaw and Mr Ricky Gervais.
That makes me so happy, and it's true because it's straight from Gaiman's journal. Besides those people being awesome, it's in addition to the cast that already includes De Niro, Claire Danes, and Michelle Pfieffer. 2007 is going to be the year of the Gaiman films.
Big time mob boss was caught in Sicily after 60+ years and the run. He was near "a farmhouse near Corleone, the hilltop town made famous by Mario Puzo's Godfather novels." I love this article, which might be because all I've done in the last month is watch the Sopranos...
I hope he beats those bitch cops and gets out of it...like Junior
I might be a bitch but I have been saving myself for something truly great...unlike you whores who will post about the first things you see with no regard for quality or VDs.
So here is McSweeney's article about Bon Jovi and how he is wanted...wanted dead or alive. Its damn funny. Read it.
PS-I really do love you guys posts in just a bitter crabby old bastard sitting on my porch with a jug of moonshine and a shotgun waiting to shoot the first punk that walks on my grass...well minus the old.
So with this post I leave Sam in the dirt as the only bitch not to post during the month of April. And now you are wondering if I actually have anything to say or if this is just to make Sam look like a douche, and the answer is I do have some pretty big news. Jerome Bettis, aka 'The Bus', will be the first person inducted into the Celebrities Bowling Hall of Fame. I guess the guy does a lot for the sport of bowling and he's also not to bad at it from what I hear. He's bowled a 300 game and maintains an above 200 average. Congrats Bus.
Sure, he's stuffed with fluff, a little short on brains, and has an unhealthy obsession with honey, but, goddamnit, he's a celebrity, and he deserves his own star. Yes, that's right, Winnie the Pooh has now received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 
Eeyore, apparently, is still depressed about it, and declined to comment when reporters approached his recently destroyed $15 million dollar mansion made entirely out of branches. Tigger is the main suspect for causing the wreckage as eye witnesses claim he was bouncing out of control whilst chugging a bottle of Ketel One.
I can always count on Lore Sjöberg to kick me back into blogging. I read his column religiously (and by that I mean every Wednesday when they are published), and some of them are great, some are okay, and some are bleh. I’m not exactly sure where this one sits. It’s not that funny, but it is poignant. It’s about the portable storage space of the walking man. I find this to be a huge issue. I don’t even have that much stuff on me, but if I want to go out and have my cigarettes, my cell phone, keys, lighter, wallet, where the hell am I going to put it? In the winter, fine, I’ve got my coat. But in the summer, while I’m sauntering down the sidewalk in my tight jeans that can barely hold a normal sized lighter, where the hell am I going to put everything? He has options, but there really is only one solution: a bandolier.
There was a preview for the Thursday episode of The Loop in which Adam Brody plays a bit part. And I think, awesome, I'm a big fan/have a crush on Adam Brody. Then I find out that the lead, Bret Harrison, also played a bit part on The O.C. (I think he was the "Big Comedy" guy). It turns that if you go back even further, they were both on the horrible MTV show Undressed. Stranger still, they're roommates. He's even playing a character called "Best Friend" in the movie In The Land of Women, which stars Adam Brody. They're also co-producers of a new Revenge of the Nerds film. This strange world of television is starting to make sense. And, yes, I am an imdb stalker.
O.C. PS: If ol' imdb is reliable, Anna's coming back next week's episode.
Last night was our final league night. They replaced serious competition and paying with moonlight bowling and giving money away instead of taking it. When money is involved, and there is a specific way of getting that money, all else goes to shit. (Side note: you got a $1 for a strike with a colored pin anywhere, $5 if the head pin was one of them, and then more if for more complex set ups.) We no longer cared about our scores. We just wanted strikes. After that one pin swayed to and fro at the end of the lane, we would just throw our arms in the air, mutter profanities, and then lackadaisically roll the ball somewhat in the correct direction. They also replaced the one pizza per team with a huge buffet of salad, chicken wings, pizza, and meatballs. And, dear god, I’m not sure if it was the shot of SoCo we had at Sam’s for our pre-game warm up, but those meatballs were some of the best things I’ve ever eaten. (Thinking about this now, it was probably the SoCo.)
So: how did we do? I haven’t a damn clue what our scores were. I do know that I won the most money in our group, pulling in $9. Sam won a few dollars, and I honestly can’t remember if Ciggy won any.
Highlights: Before we knew that bowling was free, I had attempted to get cash out of the ATM. It was out of order. In a rush of energy, I ran outside, darted across hwy 10, stepping in large puddles of mud, dodging traffic, and while I’m there, pulling $40 out of the machine, my phone rings. I answer it. It’s Sam. This is what he says: “Hey shithead, bowling’s free, you didn’t need to go over there…shithead.”
BBH: the machine was fucked. All of the high scores had been reset and you couldn’t shoot shit if it was at the edges of the screen. The gun fired blanks and it was hardly fun (for me, I didn’t win). In our usual order of ranking, Cigs won, Sam second, me last.
Highlights: I somehow managed to spill my beer all over the floor.
Apparently, even celestial orbs like to party. Astronomers have found a stream of alcohol gas 288 million miles long. Where, you ask? (Besides space you sarcastic jerk.) The article clarifies this:It was seen in the constellation of Cassiopeia, in a region where hot, young stars are forming.
That's where I want to party, with the hot, young stars.
Slither is a genre-fan specific movie. I believe that the general population would not enjoy this movie, nor would they consider it a “good movie.” But I think I may be outdated in saying that. There has been a trend in films since Halloween of 2004 that leads me to believe in the wider acceptance of even sub-sub-genre specific horror films; that trend is to release a new horror flick every single weekend. Most of them are terrible; some are okay; even fewer are great. What this accomplishes is a larger exposure of horror films to the general public and a more viable market for them to be made. Higher volume does not always yield higher quality, but if the ratio of bad:good horror films is the same, this means more well-made horror films.
This is generally speaking. Slither does not fit into the catch-all, gore-fest horror film. As with a movie like Hostel, which was specifically created for fans of the exploitation sub-genre, Slither was created for fans of the B-horror-comedy (see Evil Dead series, Phantasm, Bubba Ho-tep, and many others). If you enjoy those movies and are a fan of the genre, then see Slither. If you enjoy comedy and gore intertwined, then see Slither.
Here’s why: Nathan Fillion (of Firefly/Serenity) is the new Bruce Campbell. Sure, he doesn’t have the zany slapstick exploits of Campbell in Evil Dead II, but no one else can deliver one-liners like him. Taken as pure text, the writing would be absolute drivel. Cast Fillion and have him say those words, then you have something fantastic and hilarious. And, as the trend demands, there are countless allusions to previous horror films. I only picked up on a few, but I’m sure that someone more well versed would find the entire movie packed with even more hilarity than I found.
As the time draws nearer to the cultural phenomenon known as Snakes on a Plane, wired looks back at some of the internet antics that have helped further the cause and the revolution of SoaP. I really enjoy the snakes in first class poster. Or: "prepare to be scared like a little goddamn bitch." Classy.
Where to begin? I’ll just lay it on the line. Ciggy got his all-time high score with a 254; I got my all-time high score with a 213. He bowled two quadruple strike sets; I bowled two turkeys and one quad. He beat me for overall pin total by 7 pins despite the fact that I had two 170 games, a 189, a 197, and my 213. We both finished with 168 averages (we were only apart by fractions of points).
Sam enjoyed splits, and this wore off on the rest of us, so at one point, we had 8 splits within 3 frames. Craig would bowl for a while, then stop and throw it wildly, then bowl, then stop, then fall on his ass.
Highlight: I threw my ball backward…again. Seriously, I’ve done this 3 times within the past 6 months, and they still think it’s hilarious, but it’s oddly becoming normal; so, I just picked it up and got the spare without being too fazed.
BBH: Hardest region. Sam and Cigs played it out for first and second (Cigs won). Early on, Craig and I settled into third and fourth place (he was last).
