I'm Late, I'm Late, I know...

I realize that Sam hates this excuse, but I have been rather busy at work, and was unable to even get access to the internet; hence, I haven’t posted on Sunday’s bowling. But since it was such an awesome night (for two of us), I’m still going to write about it.

One thing needs to be mentioned before I give the scores. Sam was already drunk when Cigs and I got there. I believe that this is why he didn’t have a great night until later into the evening. Also, it was hilarious to watch him go through the process of not being drunk enough to not be horribly upset right away to later in the night where he didn’t give a fuck if he threw the ball in the gutter. Coincidentally, it’s when he stopped caring (and took a shot of SoCo and lime) that he started bowling well again. Weird.

So, how did we do? Pretty fucking awesome. Overall, I beat Cigs by 2 pins with totals of 1605 and 1603. I had four games over 170, topping out at 190. Cigs had only four games under 160 and topped out at 203. We were neck to neck most games, resulting in insane tension and trash talking throughout the night. I had two turkeys, Cigs had one, and we had a few team turkeys. Like I said before, Sam started out a little shaky (although he did win the first game). He had a few rough games, then started bowling like he normally does after drinking a bit more.

Highlight: I threw my ball backward again and Sam hit the floor crying with laughter harder than my ball did.

the paper...

So, I was supposed to do a write up on bowling last night. And I will. At least half of a write up. I forgot the piece of paper that has all of our scores on it, so I can't say much. But, I will say this: We won 2 out of 3 games. Ciggy had a 224 in the second game. In the second game, we all started our first frame with a 4-5 split. We all kicked ass the first game, but, as we already know, I don't remember the exact scores. The only other thing worth saying is that we have finally bumped ourselves out of ninth place into sixth. With these two wins, hopefully we can make it into the top 5. Better update next time...

half gallon of proof

I don't have time for much so here is what you get. I went and saw King Kong today. I really liked it. It was awesome/intense/romantic/epic/funny and just an overall good time. I now support bestiality (I think that was Peter's goal). I hope all the christians protest the movie because you shouldn't be in a romantic relationship with a monkey. Monkeys can't be christians and the bible says to be equally yoked...I hope thats their argument.
Anyway...
Can't wait to see the gay cowboy movie this weekend. Anyone want to go? We could get a crew together.

SPLIT!!!11!

I sucked at bowling again. And while I did get the high score for the night with a 178, it took me four games to even get a strike, and I was the only one who didn’t get a turkey. Sam and Cigs didn’t bowl too hot either. Cigs did finish off with a 171 for his high game, and Sam had something around 150. There were many horrible games, but we ended the night well, dashing up to the lanes like children, screaming the setup we thought we would leave. It never really worked out, because I kept screaming, “STRIKE!” and “SPARE!” but mostly got a “SPLIT!”

Also: I’m not one to link to my friend’s blog, but if you’re looking for something hilarious to read, head on over to my buddy’s blog: Justin from One Trick Pony. Seriously. Also, if you want to watch something funny, watch his videos.

3 out of 3 isn’t bad, is it?

So, yes, we won all three games last night. And yes, we had a very solid first game. But, I’m still not satisfied with it. Why? Because I sucked. Well, not the first game. The first game, I had the low score for the game with a 157. Sam had a 189 and Cigs, the high of the night, 196. The second game, Ciggy and I decided that bowling was stupid, so we bowled a 122 and a 118, respectively. Sam, kept on with his whole, I’m-going-to-bowl-in-the-one-eighties-thing and bowled a 180. The third game, none of us bowled well. Sam still finished with a 146, but I had a 139, and Cigs had a 123.

And although some of those scores look rather stark, our averages were all right. I had a 138 average; Cigs, 147; and Sam with the insane 172 average for the night.

Highlights: In the first game, Sam started bowling strikes, and well, we really didn’t feel like stopping. He bowled four in a row, Cigs bowled a turkey, and I had scattered strikes throughout the game. In the end, Sam and Cigs had a total of 5 strikes each, and I had a total of 6 strikes. They still beat me because they linked theirs. Bastards.

sane man

Oops, no posts lately. I am at the end of the semester and have been busy as shit, I don't know what Dans excuse will be. I haven't watched any TV worth talking about yet this week so there really hasn't been much to my life. I did watch the first session of the Ali G show. Its amazing. I'm going to buy the 2nd session today...maybe I'll post about it in the near future.

My hero is coming back...kind of...hes still dead, but there is going to be some new Bill HIcks shit released. A show from 89 called "sane man". Im looking forward to it. Read about it and Hicks here.

"We gotta come to some new ideas about life folks ok? I'm not being blase about abortion, it might be a real issue, it might not, doesn't matter to me. What matters is that if you believe in the sanctity of life then you believe it for life of all ages. That's what I hate about this child-worship syndrome going on. "Save the children! They're killing children! How many children were at Waco? They're killing children!" What does that mean? They reach a certain age and they're off your fucking love-list? Fuck your children, if that's the way you think then fuck you too. You either love all people of all ages or you shut the fuck up." -Bill Hicks

Lanes made of gold

Yesterday, we found out we were loyal enough customers to bowl on the new, synthetic lanes. This means many things: 1) no more greasy, inconsistent lanes where your ball hooks one moment and then doesn’t in another, 2) the ball hooks more, making it more difficult to pick up the ten pin, and 3) consistency, which, in theory, means higher scores overall. It took a bit getting used to them, but I really think it’ll pay off in the end.

As for the night, we did fairly well. We all had decent games and there were some awesome games in there as well. Sam finished with the high for the night at a 205. My high game was a 190. Cigs’ was a 166. Sam had a record 8 turkey opportunities for the night, but only managed to convert 1. This might sound like he really sucks because he had 8 chances, but only got one; but, 7 doubles and 1 turkey is pretty goddamn impressive. I had 5 opportunities and 2 turkeys.

Other highlights: Sam was 3 for 3 on the 6-10 pin split conversion. I picked up a 7-5 pin split. Cigs somehow managed to launch the 8 pin into the 10 pin spot and left it standing. I almost threw the ball backward again.

Wild West

Top 5 Western films--
1-Tombstone
2-Magnificent Seven
3-An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
4-Dead Man
5-The Searchers

Runner up--
The Great Northfield Minnesota Raid--About Northfield Minnesota, filmed in my hometown in OR. My dad is in it as a lumberjack--kick ass.

Honorable Mention-
Shane-
Bill Hicks "I’m so sick of arming the world and then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries then we go and blow the shit out of ‘em. We’re like the bullies of the world, you know. We’re like Jack Palance in the movie Shane…Throwing the pistol at the sheep herder’s feet: “Pick it up.” “I don’t wanna pick it up mister, you’ll shoot me.” “Pick up the gun". “Mister, I don’t want no trouble huh. I just came down town here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about 10 rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble mister.” “Pick up the gun.” Boom, boom. “You all saw him. He had a gun.”

A Miscellany of Information

Birthday update: The plans for going out on Saturday have now been firmed up. Location = Town Hall. Time = party o’clock = 9:30ish or whenever you feel the urge to party.

Neil Gaiman: Sam and I are heading to the Neil Gaiman reading/signing Saturday morning at dream haven books. If you want more info, go to dream haven’s site.

Also: If you're planning on murding someone, make sure you have a MySpace account. A) It will make you more famous. B) The media will be fascinated by the absurd connections they can make between teenagers, blogs, and murders. C) The police can trace your steps leading up to the murder by reading the posts you made a few days earlier.

Two out of Three

The team that we, Sebulski, were bowling against last night had two no shows, so we were left with playing one of their bowlers while the other two’s scores were just added as their averages. Doesn’t seem like that much competition, and it doesn’t seem like that would motivate us to do well…but it did…well, some of us. Sam had an off night, and so, for the sake of my life (he threatened my life last night) and for the sake of Sam, I won’t post his scores. It didn’t seem to matter that much though, because we took the first and last games anyway.

The first game, I thought I had the win until around the eighth frame when Cigs pulled ahead and finished with a 170 and I, a 150-something. We finished off our first team turkey. Second game, Cigs still did quite well and I bombed and got an unmemorable score. The third game was by far our best. I finished with a 182 and Cigs finished in the high 160s (?). The best part of the game was the string of strikes that was actually started by Sam.

Fifth frame, he decided to say Fuck You to the rest of the night and bowl a strike. Cigs then did the same. Then I did. Then Sam did. Then Cigs did. Then I did. It was insane. 6 strikes in a row. Sam missed the seventh, but then Cigs nailed his, which left him with the only individual turkey of the night and a total of three team turkeys. We finished strong, both Sam and I getting an 8-spare, strike in the tenth frame. Hell yes.

Other Highlights: The guy next to us bowled an amazing split conversion. It was a 7, 10, 4, 8 setup. He rocketed his ball between the 7 and 4, sent the 4 soaring into the 8, which crashed into the 10. Anyone who has no idea what I’m talking about and can’t appreciate the beauty of this amazing throw: go fuck yourself.

T5RWINHANTM

Instead of doing a full fledged post (because I have a meeting in 5 minutes), I will follow in the footsteps of Sam and give you my Top 5 Reasons Why I Now Hate America's Next Top Model:

1. Jayla’s gone
2. Kim’s gone
3. Nik isn’t gone
4. Bre isn’t gone
5. No one was making out/getting drunk/being a total bitch

That's really all that's worth knowing about the episode last night. Now it's not really worth watching.

birthday. party. saturday.

In lieu of my birthday (last Sunday) and because of its horrible proximity to Thanksgiving and people being out of town, we’re having a thing/party/get together somewhere on Saturday. So, I formally invite anyone and everyone and extend to you the right to invite others. Even if you hate my birthday, you can use it as an excuse to hang out with other people who also hate my birthday. The location is TBD. The begins at approximately party O’clock. Updates soon.

I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your lying, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before...

Heres a try at a 2nd list...what do you think?

Top 5 holiday movies
1-Love Actually
2-Home Alone
3-A Christmas Story
4-The Nightmare Before Christmas
5-Bad Santa

Runner ups--
Edward Scissorhands
A Muppet Christmas Carol
Home Alone 2-Lost in New York
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Mag. P.I.

I didn't watch it because I don't like fat people but it turns out that Matt Hoover won on the Biggest Loser. He won $250,000 and lost 157 pounds. If you ask me he could still afford to lose another 50 or so. The more important question is "who cares?" People want to see good looking people on TV...STOP THIS SHOW.

If you are a dumb ass and haven't started watching Boston Legal yet you better soon. Tom Selleck is going to be guest staring on an episode. Wow, Spader, Shatner and Selleck...thats sssexy.

And I'm sure we all have missed our weekly diet of Paris and Nicole. Well fear not the Simple Life is on E! now...thank god.

1st Top 5

Ok last night me and Eric were sitting down making top 5 lists, and I thought "Hey we should start doing this on the site." So I am. We are now making Top 5 lists. Feel free to make suggestions for future lists and to bitch about what I think is great. So here we go on a desert island top five...
Film actors you would like to spend the day with
1-Johnny Depp
2-Christopher Walken
3-Bill Murray
4-Bill Shatner
5-Steve Zahn

Tuesdays the new Thursday

So we don't have league because of Thanksgiving so we went bowling last night. Things weren't so good...looks like we can only bowl on Thursdays and Sundays. Sam(I) was pretty average. The high game was a 168, which I got twice. I ended up with an average of 156. Dan and Ciggy would kick my ass if I told their scores. Me and Dan both bowled turkeys. Ciggy picked up a nice 5/7 split. Other than that we bowled pretty damn bad. We drank Amberboch instead of MGD so that was nice.

Highlight-
Me and Ciggy walk in and Dan is talking to this guy who wants to give him his bowling ball. Turns out the guy bowled like shit and blamed it on the ball so he was talking to his ball saying "I'm going to flip this coin and if it's heads you can come home with me, but if its tails we say our good byes and you stay here." Well it landed tails, so he was giving his ball to Dan. Turns out it didn't really fit Dan or Cigs, but it fit me perfectly. So I now have 2 bowling balls. This one is nice because its a 16 pounder and has the finger grips. I think its going to be my strike ball and old Sammy Hall with be my spare ball.
--If anyone has an extra bowling ball bag that they want to give me that would be grand.

2 200s, 5 turkeys, 1 misfire, & 1 nipple

Ah Sunday bowling. Again, a night of ten games is hard to keep straight, and so I’ll focus on some highlights. First and foremost, Ciggy bowled the high game of the night with a 229. He had an impressive six strikes in a row in the first six frames and then almost finished with another turkey in the end, but was shy one strike. I unexpectedly beat my all-time high score of 201 with a 205. I thought I was getting a 180-something until I realized that I bowled a turkey in the ninth to tenth frames. Sam had a high in the upper 160’s, I think. We had many close games.

Other highlights: Ciggy had three turkeys and I had two. At some point in the night I forgot how to hold a bowling ball and threw it backwards. I don’t think the other’s will let me live that down.

And this is for the O.C. fans out there. Or, at least, Mischa Barton fans…

I'm getting a new friend...

Nikki Reed is joining the cast of the OC. I don't know what part she is going to play but IGN thinks that "she might best fit in with the new group of kids from Newport Union, given her somewhat gritty indie rep." I think that this would be ok as long as she doesn't try to go after Seth...he's Summers. She's only on for 4 episodes so she might die or somthing like that.

For more sexy news David Bowie might be in the new Christopher Nolan film "The Prestige". I hope he does it...there isn't enough Bowie in my life. Hey when does he get a bio film. People would like that, more than a hobbit playing Iggy Pop at least. Does he have to die first?

306

I have been a little behind on my OC reviews. I haven't been able to download 305 yet so I'm just going to look at 306 right now and then I'll come back to it. It starts out with Marisa having this really weird dream about trey and all that shit. It was kind of weird. It's the only the 2nd time they have done something like this(slow motion/crazy dream vision). The other time was in 301 when they were doing a flash back to what happened with Trey after Marisa shot him. Anyway after the dream she calls Ryan who was sleeping and told her to back to bed and they would talk about it later. Marisa being kind of emotional just wanted to here that Ryan was there for her...this sets up Johnny being the "guy who understands me".
It is Ryan's first day back at Harbor and he can't get in trouble. Taylor is still a huge bitch and she is throwing a senior lock-in and the whole class has to go. Thats the only way she can make friends according to her mom anyway. "Locking in a bunch of kids so you don't have to spend another Saturday night alone...Taylor un-tuck your shirt your ass is so not made for low-riders."...nice mom.
Marisa and Johnny talk a bunch and open up to each other and flirt and have eye sex and try to pretend nothing is happening because they both already have significant others. Marisa ditches out on dinner at the Cohen's for Johnny. Summer sees what is going down and tries to stop it. Goes to the surfing party and sees the major flirting between Johnny and Marisa and calls Ryan to come break it up. Everything is weird...asshole surfer guy Volchek (sp.) sleeps with Johnny's girl...Ryan is there for him. Johnny goes after Volchek and would have got his ass kicked so Ryan comes and hits him...good old days. Because of this Summer and Ryan miss the lock-in. Taylor is making a fool of herself because everyone hates her...rightly so. She has a huge heart so he steps up and takes the attention away from bitch. She doesn't have any friends and Seth is alone so they end up hanging out. Now Taylor likes Seth and all that stuff.
Sandy isn't going to sell the Newport group he is now going to run it with his young apprentice Matt.
Kirsten is helping Julie and Charlotte throw a benefit thing. Julie and Charlotte and going to pull a scam and just split the profits.
Over all this was a really good episode. I can say that even more now that I have seen 307 and know how 306 is just setting up the best episode of the session. I really like that Ryan and Johnny have formed this kind of brother hood...it will help create more drama with the whole "we're friends but I like you girl" type thing. Kirsten is being used right now, but she is having a good time which is awesome, and she's still off the good stuff. Seth and Summer are always awesome...it will be interesting to see where is Taylor thing goes. I know Seth would never go for it, but Taylor is a scheming bitch...I'll have my review of 307 up soon.

Highlights...
-Chino Boy punching someone again.
-Taylor's awesomely mean mom
-Summer telling Ryan that Marisa is with Johnny. Seth "Ryan try not to punch Summer."
-Sandy about corporate America "I loath it all: the greed, republicans, navy suits."

Sebulski: a play

We started out rather strong in last night’s league bowling. I don’t know if it was the great O.C. episode, the bitchy, fat, lonely, white trash cunt screaming at us to take our street shoes off before descending the forbidden two steps that lead to the bowling lanes, or the fact that while said cunt was screaming at us, I sat in a puddle of water, but we were pretty worked up at the beginning, or, at least, I was.

The first game, I bowled a 150-something and Sam bowled a 140-something. Ciggy ended up lower than that, but it didn’t matter, because we won the match. The second game, I bowled a 168, Sam bowled a 150-something, and, again, Ciggy ended up much lower than that. Although we lost this game, it was pretty damn close. I tied one of their guys in handicap scores, Sam tied another, and then Cigs fell 10 pins shy.

The third game almost isn’t worth mentioning. Ciggy took off to go see the Harry Potter flick at midnight, so we set him up for blind bowling. He marked every frame that game (a three spare), which, I must admit, is pretty easy to do when the computer’s just filling it in for you. Without Ciggy there to do horribly, Sam and I amped it up a bit and bowled some of the worst games ever. Awesome.

Key moment:
Bitchy league woman [screaming]: “Don’t be so fucking stupid: take off your street shoes before going down there.”
Me: “Oh, well we’re here twice a week and it’s never been a problem.”
[We mumble hateful things together]
BLW: “Just don’t be so fucking dumb, Jesus.”
Ciggy: “Are you bowling here, right here [points at our table], right now?”
BLW: “Yes, we are.”
Ciggy: “Oh, because it looks like you’re a lane over and your game is finished.”
BLW: “It’s always the fucking men.”
Ciggy: “Yup, we’re all assholes.”
[A moment passes and then over the speakers we hear…]
Speakers: “Please do not wear your wet street shoes down by the lane.”
Us: “Jesus, they told on us.”
Me: “Why the fuck is my ass so wet?”
[Looks at chair; chair is wet; looks at ass; ass is wet.]
Me: “Damn.”
[End Scene]

America's Next Boring Episode

America’s Next Top Model was rather boring. They advertized it up as the models going to London and crazy stuff happening, but nothing really did. The first part of the show they hyped up Kim’s gossiping about the other models until it blew up in the limo ride to the airport. It was rather anticlimactic, and nothing really happened other than Bre, Nik, and Jayla ripping on Kim, Nicole defending her, and Kim crying. She did attempt to apologize and write a note to Nik, but Bre and Nik (being the bitches they are) didn’t believe her. Before that, they took their “passport photos,” which really turned into a test about always being aware of how good you look. They reiterated that lesson when they got to London and “paparazzi” started shooting photos of them, but it wasn’t really paparazzi, and it was a test. Big surprise there.

The photo shoot consisted of them getting naked and cramming into a phone booth with one another. Sounds great, but this even ended up being rather lame. None of the photo shoots have been as cool as last seasons (e.g., them dressing up as the seven deadly sins and modeling in a grave, posing with animals, etc.) In the end, it came down to Jayla and Lisa. Jayla’s normally pretty awesome at the photos etc., but has been sucking it up lately. Lisa’s normally awesome at everything, but she’s just an obnoxious alcoholic bitch. Lisa got kicked off. And while I was sad that Lisa got kicked off (she’s normally the only entertaining one on the show), I’d rather have it be her than Jayla. Seriously, though, kick off Nik.

Key moment: While everyone was tearing Kim apart, Lisa sat next to her eating chips like she was watching a show.

Mad Cow

Boston Legal was good. It would have been really hard for it to beat last week. Spader starts sleep walking...almost kills himself, he has night terrors. He's want shantner to sleep with him to keep him safe.
Shatner says that he's homophobic and tells spader to "be a man and get a girl." Spader wants to pay his assistant to sleep with him...She does.
A plastic surgeon got caught injecting his own ass fat into his patents lips
Shatner might have Alzheimer's but he tells everyone its mad cows disease.
He gets tested...has minor Alzheimer's or could actual have mad cow, I guess they have a lot of the same symptoms.

Highlight--
Shatner "I tried that night terror thing on 6 different women and none of them took the bate"

Sunday Bowling

A slightly late bowling review: Once you’ve bowled nine games, they all start to blur together. That is, of course, unless you have one game where everyone kicked ass. In this particular game, I finished with a 162. And that was the low. Ciggy had an amazing 193 but couldn’t compete with Sam’s 204. Sam, by the way, hadn’t bowled a 200 game since his all-time best score of 200 a few months ago, and now he’s bowled three games over 200 in the past week.

We all had high averages as well. Sam averaged a 160, Ciggy averaged in the 150s, and I averaged in the 140s. We really just need to pull these scores over into league night so we can start moving up in the rankings.

Other notable things: Sam bowled two turkeys, and I bowled one turkey. Our regular bar tender will be back next week. Thank god.

Gay Man

There is a good Neil Gaiman interview on Mr. Palahniuk's site. Neil is also going to be doing a signing on Dec. 3rd. I will be there.

This is kind of old news but just in case you didn't know Arrested Development is going to get the can. I hear that ABC and some other people are wanting to pick it up once FOX gets ride of it...lets hope so.

I am dedicating this week to JC and our undying love for him. No Im not talking about Jim Croce it's Johnny Cash time. I know we all like him (if you don't you can get off this site now) but it might have been a while since we have spent a good amount of time really listening to him. Let's all take a little time out of our week to re-listen to our old favorites before we go see the movie this weekend.

I also got the new Neil Diamond disc Yesterday. Its called 12 song and its pretty damn good...all 14 song...

Just call us Sam Sebulski

Bowling: So, we won all three games last night … but, neither Ciggy nor I can take credit for it. Sam held our team afloat. We were playing against a team with averages lower than ours, so we thought, hell, no problem. Then one guy starts bowling strikes, and I start to worry a bit. But not Sam. Calm, collected, he steps up and bowls four strikes in a row. Our competition may have had a 200 game, but Sam decided he was sick of 200 being his high score and bowled a 202. A 202 was high for the women’s league that plays before us, so he got a free drink. I, on the other hand, bowled a 131, which was the low for the women’s league, so I got a free drink.

The second game was crap.

After one crap game, Sam was already sick of having a 202 as his best score ever. So, he bowled a 214. Unless Cigs or I can pull something like that, we might rename the team Sam Sebulski.

Notable Mention: Ciggy rolled a game in the high 150’s; I believe a 157.

Other News: Sam can’t make it to Stephen Lynch next Friday (he already bought tickets to another show). So anyone who enjoys the Lynch, has an extra $30 lying around, and doesn’t have plans for next Friday (the 18th), let me know.

Tyra: don't play games with my heart

Top Model was such a tease last night. At the end of the episode, Jayla and Nicole were the last two, both of whom I like. Tyra tells them that both of them are packing their bags. Damn. I’m pissed. Both of them getting kicked off? One less week of Top Model this season? The world has spun off of its orbit? Then she says, “…because we’re all going to London next week.” So no one got kicked off. But that’s just not nice. Toying with my heart like that.

So, this episode they had a competition to land a guest role on UPN’s Veronica Mars. Kim was the only one to talk about acting and why she was qualified, so she won. Lisa started crying…probably because she wasn’t drunk at the moment. No one else was interesting, so Kim won.

The photo shoot was with the Wild Boyz, which turned out to be hilarious. They were supposed to look upset and sexy at the same time while the Boyz did something horrible to them (wear their underwear, dresses, etc.). Bre did well only because she was actually pissed off at them. Nicole sucked it up because she was laughing while Steve-O tried to convert Kim of her lesbianism behind her. Steve-O kept flashing the camera. Kim took another awesome picture and clinched a spot in the top two. Then after the photo shoot, Nicole was getting along with Steve-O, so Lisa came in wearing a diaper and pissed herself. Awesome. She's a bitch.

I watched a bit of Veronica Mars to see Kim in her guest role. Damn does that show suck. Bad acting, horrible city name (Neptune, CA), and the plotline just seems absurd. It wasn’t even worth watching for Kim’s short moment.

'Tis Thursday

Slow day--I was busy and didn't get to see Top Model lastnight...Hope dan will talk about it later

I only have 2 things to say

1-Castlevania is going to be a movie. I hope it's cool...I'm sure it will be.

2-Idaho blows- The god of internet comedy is back with more asshole humor.

We MUST bowl well tonight, the OC gods will be with us...

He's no has been

Boston Legal was amazing last night.
First a guys wife wants a divorce after being married for 23 years because he cheated on her...with a cow. The guys defense was that the cow reminded him of her. At the end he promised to call it off with his farm friends and move to the city so he would be free of temptation.
Spader had a case where they we accusing a clown of not being funny. It turns out Spader is scared of clowns and wets himself where their around.
Shatner was a god this episode. First he was order to defend a poor guy who had raped and killed a 13 year old girl...can't do it "he's poor i hate the poor, they cant pay. Can't i have a hooker i could do a hooker" Judge makes Shatner defend him or he will put him in jail. Shatner tries to plead guilty against the killers will, judge gets pissed off at him so Bill said to the judge "your a douche bag judge, i don't do well with douche bags"
In the back room the poor criminal told Shatner her had done the girl a favor by killing her quick because he had just given her AIDS. Shatner then proceeds to pull out a gun and shoot the guy in the leg twice. "It was an accident."
Shatner gets off with a self defense plea.
Shatner ending with the line "its fun being me. Is it fun being you? What else is there?"

Highlights...see Shatner quotes above...

Stop zooming in

Bones is actually decent now. I know, it’s shocking: a show with Angel and the lesser known Deschanel playing with dead bodies is all right, but it is. They’ve started playing up the minor characters: annoying woman who runs absurd technology is having second thoughts about her job, it’s revealed that the geeky chemical guy is really part of some wealthy elite family but would rather work in the lab than have that life, and the kid is, well, still that weird socially inept kid.

A note about said absurd technology: dear god there is no way that anyone in any show can take a security camera and zoom in retaining the picture quality. They use it in every crime show and it’s usually the key point in finding the killer. But it’s stupid. It wouldn’t work. It's all pixilated, and then BAM, it's a crystal clear picture. You all know what I'm talking about. And you also know that it's insane. Also, this show goes above and beyond that, somehow taking images of the bones and restructuring them in a hologram to see what they would look like with skin. Lame.

House was pretty great. Although the commercials hyped it up to be an episode in which House has to deal with his parents (and I enjoy the episodes that play up on his character beyond his asshole qualities), they gave that plot about five minutes. The rest of the plot was typical House: kid comes down with weird symptoms, mysteries are unlocked, House is always right, etc. But even though House was right, they were too late and the kid died. Crazy. They actually let someone die on this show.

Key moment:
House to boss: “If you help me get out of this dinner [with my parents], I’ll tell you who started the rumor that you were a transsexual.”
Boss: “That rumor doesn’t exist.”
House: “It will if you don’t get me out of this dinner.”

after this...i'm dead...

Quick bowling review: We all sucked again. By all, I mean Sam and me. Ciggy actually hit above his average over the three games. Sam and I had highs of 134’s or 135’s or something and lows of unspeakable nature. Ciggy rolled a high of 165, a game in the 140s, and a game in the 150s. Despite the fact that the guys next to us barely had higher averages, they bowled out of their asses and pulled some 170 and 180 games. Good for them. Really.

Much beer was consumed.

And now…I kill myself…

Zorgon vs. Nyarlathotep

This morning a representative of the Church of Scientology was on the Today Show. The interview started out rather uninteresting: talking about the key points of Scientology, where you can get information, blah, blah, blah. Then it got interesting. Katie asks him, “But didn’t L. Ron Hubbard say that Zorgon came from a planet 10,000 years ago and planted humans on Earth?” The guy responds, “That is not based on fact at all.” Wow, I think, he’s totally denying the validity of his religion. Then I realize that he’s saying they’ve stripped any of the mythology/crazy musings of Hubbard out of the new Scientology texts. He keeps saying that they have information that is very easy to access: shell out some money and you can buy some books. Even their webpage doesn’t tell you anything. It’s just a stupid scheme to get cash. Anyone could have figured that out just by looking at the guy’s smug expression and his nice suit, though. But, the Church of Scientology has a great method for money: take a science-fiction text, say it’s religion, then, in a few years, pull out any reference to the weird mythology and start charging people cash. So, I say to myself, time to start my own religion: the Church of Cthulhu.

I’m going to start a religion based off of the Cthulhu Mythos by H. P. Lovecraft. Starting out, we’ll worship the Creeping Crawling Nyarlathotep and possibly the creatures the Cult of Dagon worships (who could, by the way, kick Zorgon’s ass). In about twenty years, I’ll pull away from the strange mythology and just retain the key theme’s of Lovecraft: dreaming, knowledge, etc. I’ll write new books and posit them to be the Scriptures of the Church of Cthulhu. I’ll make lots of money and some young Hollywood star will make humiliate me on national television (I’m thinking that Haley Joel Osment will have a comeback and join in my cause; Dakota Fanning is too closely linked to Tom Cruise after War of the Worlds). The best part would be that sleeping would be a form of worship. If you can travel to the dreamscape and, eventually, make it into the Ether, you would be a holy person among mortals.

So who’s with me in my Holy Journey to Innsmouth? Dagon is my new Passion of the Christ. Let us follow the ways of Nephren-Ka.

Thursday is back

It's back. Finally the OC will return to us. Baseball is over and the universe is in order again. Now we will have dinner drink wine and beer and bowl like kings.

Your favorite fat man you love to hate is back. Katrina: The Wrath of Bush is the new Michael Moore. It is coming out next year sometime. I'm sure it will be typical Moore. He's not going to have anything to talk about once W is out of office.

America's Next Top Model was just a recap last night. It was still fun. Good to get caught up if you hadn't been watching from the beginning. Found out Jayla has a really sarcastic sense of humor which makes her seem like kind of bitch, which makes me want he even more, I would marry her.

Got the blues

Boston Legal was good as usual. It was one of the more serious episodes I have seen. Two parents teamed up to get rid of halloween, but for different reasons. One group was Christians and they didn't like witches the other group was witches and they didn't like the negative stereotype. The judge told them to not take themselves so seriously and halloween was about candy and fun.
Spader is suing the US over a solders death in Iraq--everyone is against him including Shatner. He had some good arguments and it was pretty right on, but he lost...
Shatner and spader were fighting because of the war case, Shatner was being a little bitch. At the end they both made up and dressed in their matching flamingo costumes
Spader "You look good in pink"
Shatner "Fine but I'm not going to sleep with you"
It was still a good episode but I hope the lighten up a little next week.

Highlight--
Shatner about the war "all you need to know is put me in charge I'll win the damn thing." while dressed as a flamingo and smoking a cigar


Steven Seagal has a blues CD coming out. If I don't by it will he kick my ass, and if so how will he to it...the karate chop, the neck break or just the punch to the face?

Peter Jackson is releasing a collectors edition of the Frighteners. It should be fun. Lots of good extras. Its coming this month. Dead Alive Next?

This is a great article about Christian Slater. He fell off Paris Hilton's roof. I didn't know he bit a guys stomach. A man after my own heart. We should pary with him sometime...

Prison Break: just call me the warden

Last night’s episode of Prison Break felt like just a catalyst for the rest of the show. Nothing terribly interesting happened. They expounded on a few stories, but nothing that furthered them in the pursuit of breaking out. Lincoln’s son eluded the secret service and caught up with Veronica, who has been in hiding with the guy with whom she’s working on Lincoln’s case. They revealed some information as to why the Vice President’s brother was murdered (money, of course). Redneck tried to hit on a new prisoner and Michael stopped him from doing so. The doctor found out some information on Michael. John (the mobster) lost his power in the prison circle.

So, it was just problem after problem and no progress, which, I must admit, is going to make things more tense in the long run. I have no idea how they’re going to get around these things that are stopping them. But without the thrill of some small victory (besides LJ, Lincoln’s son, escaping), I just felt negative the entire hour.

Key moment: prison guard brings woman into where Michael et al. are working to bang her and makes her call him the warden.

94% recall...I've tested myself

This weekend was good for movies. I'm going to give you the super short reviews.

Saw 2-Was OK. Not as good as the first. The thing that made the first one good is that it was so disturbing and a good twist at the end. The second one lacked both. It was pretty boring and only made me squirm once or twice and the twist sucked. I am glad I saw it because I would not have trusted any one else's opinion.
Saw 2 gets a 13 proof 5 dollar bottle of wine (kind of shitty but I've had worse)

Highlight-Bat with nails in it meet the back of dudes head.

Capote was awesome. Some of the best acting I've seen in quite a while. Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of the most underrated actors. Catherine Keener was also great as was Chris Cooper. It is about Truman Capote and the process of writing In Cold Blood. This was a movie where the story was vary typical but I still found myself being moved (which isn't easy).
Capote gets 120 proof. Probably in the form of some kind of vodka tonic because that is what he drank most of the time.

Highlight- Capote being a huge asshole all the time.

The Weather Man was pretty good. At some points I found my self wishing I was somewhere else, but it was worth waiting out those moments for some fantastic scenes. It was really funny film and the majority of the humor was pretty dry which is hard to pull off for some people, but Nick Cage did well. It had a really weird feeling, it felt like a major studio was trying to make some really character driven indy movie. Sometimes it felt forced, but most of the time it was good.
The Weather Man gets 60 proof. Really any kind of alcohol it just needs to have a ton product placement.

Highlight-The constant reference to his daughters "camel toe"

Just incase anybody thinks that movies are going downhill there is an end in sight. It was been recently brought to my attention that the man himself Sylvester Stallone is making 2 new moves. One being Rambo IV and the other being simple titled Rocky Balboa. They are both slated to come out next year. Prepare to get your ass kicked.

Dans back

Bowling Sunday went pretty good. We had a lot of close games and all our averages were pretty high. Dan wants to bowl good again for some reason. He must be sick of the 120's. So Princess Dandy polled a 192 out of his ass and got the only turkey of the night...here's a shot for you. If the three of us can bowl as good as we were on Sunday on Thursday we will kick ass, and I'm sure we will. How could we not its the return of the OC.

A big win for Sebulski

Well, Seivy Sebuskli has done something it has never done before: beat our competition across all three games, both by scratch scores and handicap scores. This will most definitely pull us out of last place and put us in ninth. We’re staging a comeback, a glorious, unlikely comeback.

I can’t take too much credit for the wins. I managed a 130, a 145, and finished with a 120. But, all things considered, that’s better than I’ve been playing lately. Sam was the big winner (again). In the first game, I was still beating him in the 5th frame. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he lands five strikes in a row, boosting his score to a 180. Ciggy, thinking he’s got the game in the bag, falls behind Sam by three pins, ending with a 177. Sam won himself a shot of Wild Turkey whiskey from the team next to us. Sam continues to get drunk. For the second game, Sam dropped to a 150, and, again, thinking he’s got this game, Ciggy fails to beat Sam by two pins: a 148. Third game, we were all over the place. Sam got a 142 and Cigs got a 134.

The guys next to us were awesome. They drank a lot and they sucked even more, which allowed us to pull off our wins. They tried to get us drunk by buying a shot for whoever got a turkey, but Sam was the only one to do that.

Key moment: one of the guys in the league bowled a 278 in the third game. Un-fucking-believable.

America's Next Top Elf/Lesbian/Alcoholic

America’s Next Top Model is getting closer and closer to the finish line as only six girls are still “in the running to become America’s next top model.” I’m surprised to see who’s left. Well, not surprised about everyone. I’m shocked that Nik is still in it. As Sam said, “She’s not a good model at all and looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.” It’s true. I’m also shocked that Kim (the androgynous lesbian) is still on the show. I like Kim, don’t get me wrong … she has potential to look great, but every so often, she just looks like a little awkward teenage boy. I thought she was getting kicked off on the first episode. God do I suck at predicting this stuff.

So what’s going on in the show, you ask? Well, the tension between Lisa and Coryn (Minneapolis’ own, I’m afraid to say) ended when Coryn got kicked off last week. There’s still a lot of tension between Jayla (who’s awesome) and Nik (see paragraph above) because Jayla “stole” one of Nik’s lines when they were shooting a fake TV commercial. Unfortunately, this week’s episode didn’t really expound on that, but I expect it all to go down in the next few.

Other things that happened: The girls dressed up like pin-up girls. I don’t know who the writers/producers of this show are, but that’s just brilliant. Jayla was the only one to actually wear something sexy when they were asked to come up with their idea of sexy in three minutes. Kim’s friend Kyle got kicked off last night. Why her? Why her and not Nik? One of the judges is a moron. And finally, Lisa's an alcoholic.

Key moment: When the judges asked Kim how she’s working on becoming more feminine, she responded, “I don’t know, dating boys?”

Predictions: Jayla, Kim, and Lisa will be the final three.

I can get behind that

Boston Legal was good as usual tonight. It was a little bit more serious than it normally is. I can’t believe they fired the old lady just because she killed that guy…dumb. It’s awesome Shatner and Spader being accused of sexual harassment. Many funny situations.

Highlights-
Spader going off in the middle of a nice restaurant about the terrors of farmed salmon.
Shatner in reference to his sexual comment being “the straw that broke the camels back” says “I haven’t had sex with a camel since I was in the army and as far as I know the camel didn’t complain”

If your not watching this show yet get on it.

I cought the end of My Name is Earl. It was a good last 10 minutes. He was trying to make a gay guy that he used to make fun of feel good about himself. Seems like it is going to be a solid show.

Highlights-
Earl “Why don’t you just go to one of those queer bars…oh I’m sorry homosexual American bars.”

Last night was the first night that I really watched Americas Next Top Model this session. It’s pretty good. My favorite is Jayla she’s is super cute. I like Kyle to, but her shoulders are kind of broad. Lisa is a bitch…well they are all bitches, except Jayla. That’s even a hot name…if I have a daughter I’m going to name her Jayla. I can’t believe Nik is still on. She’s not a good model at all and looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. They should have given her the boot. Anyway the show is worth watching for Jayla.

304

I never got around to doing my review of The OC 304, and to get you guys back in the mood before it comes back on Nov 3 here it is.

Marissa has her first day at Newport Union (Orange counties answer to public education). It does have a big parking lot and a good breeze so its not all bad. Yet life isn’t so easy for her there. Big surprise everyone already knows about her shooting Trey in the back. She runs into the bully bitches (who you can recognize by the black T-shirt and blue jeans, the mark of a true bad ass) and is saved by bazaro Summer (Casey), who is going out with bazaro Ryan (Johnny), who is friends with bazaro Seth (Denis)…weird. It’s basically the low-class versions of the crew, but not nearly as cool. Casey is pretty cute and Johnny seems nice. Denis is just annoying so far, he’s basically what Seth would be if he was 14, outgoing, poor, and not as sexy. She ends up ditching Ryan for them a few times. She tells him she is going to stay home and study and then ends up going to the Newport Union dance (which is unthemed by the way) with the bazaro kids. Believe it or not Ryan gets defensive and mad. He ends up going to the dance to see her, but she is happy so he leaves with Seth (who showed up to stop him, I’ll get to that later). Marisa ends up back at the pool house and they have their own little “dance”, no really they just danced…this time.
Ryan has a tooter (who taught Stallone’s kids). He doesn’t really do too much this episode. He just basically deals with Marisa and her public school friends. I would guess in the next few weeks he will be punching someone, it’s been to long. He is kind of turning into a romantic pussy, he needs to remember his criminal Chino roots.
Sandy and Kirsten are doing well for the most part. It’s so nice to have her home. Kirsten is starting to learn how to cook, which makes us all a little nervous. She really lets the rest of her dad go by selling off the Newport Group. It’s pretty hard on her, but she ends up selling it in the end anyway, which also means that Julie doesn’t have a job. I am really going to miss the office. A lot of big stuff went on there, like Julie getting a job there and remodeling it, starting the magazine, working with Carter, and dealing with Caleb everyday (Fuck I miss him too).
Charlotte is still a huge bitch. She is trying to get the Cohen’s money by suckering Kirsten into her schemes. God I hate her.
Julie still has no money and is getting kicked out of Caleb’s house. She doesn’t know what she is going to do, and I don’t either. Right now she is living in a motel, poor girl…she can crash at my place.
And my loves Seth and Summer are better than ever. I think they do better as a couple when they have a common enemy to fight, like Dean Hess and Bitch Taylor. Taylor pretends to be Summers friend and then tells her that the Dean is going to suspend Seth unless he finds out who was Seth’s sick kick in the whole hut kidnapping thing. So Summer turns herself in…guess what he wasn’t going to suspend Seth. So that means that Summer can’t be social chair and the position goes to Taylor…Fucking Bitch. Summer worked really hard to keep Marisa’s spirit alive. So Summer confronts Taylor and declares war, kick her ass Summer. Seth and Ryan have a good old-fashioned talk in the pool house…good stuff. Seth and Summer go to the dance, that Summer organized and that skank/slut/whore Taylor takes credit for. Summer did set up the best dance ever, it was the ocean in the gym…damn cool. Seth runs off to save Ryan from doing something dumb at the public school dance, and Summer gets the upper end in the war. She sees Taylor and Hess going at it in the back room…oh fuck yeah now who’s in trouble bitch.

Highlights—
-Really good ending scene doing the OC thing where they go over all the characters
-It’s one of my favorite Summer episodes…I want to have her babies
-Kirsten going to take a shower and saying to Sandy “You don’t look to clean yourself.”
-Seth saying to Ryan “Man you home school kids are pathetic.”

More monday TV

I was going to review Prison Break but Dan got to it so here's whats left

I caught a little bit of Las Vegas during the Prison Break commercials and it seemed good. Danny’s girl tried to con him out of a bunch of money, but him being the stud he is caught her. It ended with Ed quitting his job at the casino. I’m sure he’ll be back, if the show got rid of Ed it would be a huge mistake. Oh yeah there was also hot chicks and gambling.

Nick Cage was on Letterman and he has a creepy 70’s rapist mustache. He does have a new baby and he said he named it Kalel...thats pretty damn cool. I want to go see the Weather Man

In other news Rosa Parks wont stand up, again...

I win

Sam had the high game of 185. He also won 6 out of 8 games and picked up a 7/9 split. Ciggy won one game and C. Christ also won a game. Drunken assholes next to us were annoying as hell (I think they were cheering for us). We had a lot of close games. Good competition over all. I hope we can bowl as good on Thursday, we just have to drink our 4 pitchers beforehand...thats what it takes for dan to remember how to bowl.

Prison Break is back

Baseball is finally in the last few games of the season, and Fox has widened its lineup for this week. This means, yes, I got to watch me some TV last night. Prison Break is back. And while I wasn’t sure how long they could keep up this plot, I was informed via a “behind the scenes” on Sunday night that the writers have already written out episodes through the second season. So, is that good?

Yes … yes it is. I was strangely excited to see another episode. The tension is still there. Everything that could go wrong still does, and yet somehow it looks as if the plan to break out is going to happen. Who has to die to get there? Hard to say. They’ve already started killing off characters. Lincoln’s ex-wife and her husband, for example, were shot by the Men in Black Suits who Wear Sunglasses All the Time in an attempt to get Lincoln to call off the investigation into his set up. His son is now a fugitive, as they have planted his fingerprints on the murder weapon. His ex-girlfriend/lawyer were almost blown up. Lots of action ensues. So, as I mull it over, attempting to figure out “Who’s next?,” I’ll just have to wait. It could be anybody.

Key moment: the bastard Captain killing the nice old man’s cat and, in retaliation, he uses one of the Captain’s cigarettes to start a fire in a key location.

The Brief and Frightening Reign of Phil

Sure, I picked up the book because it had a blurb by Thomas Pynchon on the back and the cover art was sleek and sexy, but The Brief and Frightening Reign of Phil by George Saunders is one of the best, funniest novellas I’ve read in a long time. Coming in at a whopping 130 small pages, filled with illustrations, it’s a quick, poignant story about the absurdity of borders, national policy, power, and justice.

Outer Horner is a vast, proud land, and within that land lies the region of Inner Horner. Inner Horner is so small that only one member of its nation can fit inside of its border at a time, while the rest of the nation waits in the Short Term Residency Zone. Then Inner Horner, for geological reasons, shrinks, forcing an Inner Hornerite to inadvertently invade Outer Horner.

Enter Phil, an angry, power-driven figure who decides that he ought to tax the Inner Hornerites to stay in their land because they cannot fit into their own. The story escalates as Phil gains followers, and soon the Inner Hornerites are a poverty-stricken, oppressed people with no options.

Everything about the book is funny: from the hilarious dialogue, the ease with which people follow Phil and his seemingly logical sense of events to the “people” themselves (it really is hard to tell if they’re robots, insects, or just incomprehensible creatures). It’s a direct bash of the structure of nations, how certain policies are abused, and the way in which the policies are created. At one point, Phil tells the president about a new policy that he has supposedly instigated. To find out if he had (he is rather old and forgetful), he and the advisors poll the people (five of them) to see if they’re in support of this new policy. When it turns out that they are, they decide that, of course, he did impose this policy a long time ago and people love it.

For anyone who likes humor and/or a good satire, I cannot help but to unequivocally recommend this book. The only reason I don’t give this a perfect 200 proof is because it costs $9, and it only took me 3 or 4 hours to read.

So, The Brief and Frightening Reign of Phil: 180 proof.

Mirrormask

Being a long-time fan of Neil Gaiman’s writing and Dave McKean’s artwork, I’ve been anticipating Mirrormask for the past few years. And yesterday, finally, I saw it. It’s a difficult movie to review. For one, the acting is terrible, the first twenty minutes that don’t involve McKean’s amazing special effects are rather drab and remind me of something you’d catch on BBC late at night, and the soundtrack just has a bit too much saxophone (and by that I mean a lot of saxophone). Yet, I loved it.

The basic story is rather typical. A girl (Helena) falls asleep and has a fantastic dream that may or may not affect real life, but she’s determined to follow it through to the end in the hope that it will, somehow, change her real life. Many life lessons ensue. Sounds lame, but it’s not. The series of events that Helena encounters is so bizarre, so original, you keep asking yourself, “How did they come up with that?” And while you can predict the general flow of events, you can never prepare yourself for a sequence involving giant bird type things carrying Helena and guide Valentine through a jungle-gym structure while being chased by evil shadow blobs. Nor can you really picture what it’s like to see your world being crumbled up like a piece of paper.

The visuals are the most impressive I’ve seen in any movie ever. Stylistic, dark, and just goddamn cool, they’re worth the $8 alone. Hopefully, this movie will put McKean on the map a bit more, so he can get larger budgets, hire some real actors, and pay someone to make a decent soundtrack, and then he can fill it with the world that, I’m sure, only resides in his head.

Mirrormask: 120 proof

I still hate baseball

Because of baseball there is still a lot less good TV on, so here's a review of last night....

What a waist of an hour. Surface is one of the worst shows I have seen in a while. It is like a really bad sci-fi movie, but not cool at all. The characters are awful, the only reason I watch is to see them die, which wouldn't even be that cool because they don't like to put time or effort into any of their special effects. Don't waste your time with this show. If you want to see shitty sci-fi/horror go get Infested or Legion of Fire: Killer Ants!
Surface gets a 3.2


At least Las Vegas is still a good show. It maybe that I just love the town, but I have always enjoyed this show. Ed Deline (James Caan) kicks ass, a very cool old mobster. Danny McCoy is also pretty damn cool. It also helps that there is a plethora of fine ladies. Last night Ed did mob stuff, Mike took a girl out in Ed's car and the bitch stole it, Sam's brother came into town, and people gambled. Over all it was fun. I don't think this session is as good as last, but still worth checking out.
I give Las Vegas a nice dry Syrah, so a good 13%

A time to roll

Ok quick bowling recap. Last Thursday Dan had the high game of 174 and we all had between a 130 and 140ish average. Not to good, but we were bowling against one of the most amazing old guys ever. If I can get my throw to look half as good I'll be happy.
Sunday practice was fun. Ciggy had the high of 184. We had a lot of close games. Team Dan/Sam beat team Cigs/C. Christ by 5 pins and the next game C/C.C beat D/S by 4 pins. Oh and then Dan got drunk and forgot how to bowl.

Interesting facts--
1-Dan bowled the turkey
2-If your cool you have a 28 in the 2nd
3-C. Christ has a temper and doesn't really even taste that good
4-weird ugly guy and little hot chick are siblings
5-we are now friends with weird ugly guy
6-I am a leaf on the wind

woman prez?

I only caught a little bit of TV last night-

I just saw the last 10 minutes of Commander In Chief. I won't go into all the political shit. If you want that go here. It looks like it is trying to be a West Wing for moms. It really seemed to play up the relationship with her daughter and make the issue of what school she went to as important as running the country. It goes through all that "oh my god, a woman president". Who cares? We all know it would never really happen. I can't even give Commander and Chief a rating...well I guess its like if you were to get really wasted one night and in the morning you piss in a glass and drink it. Whatever proof that is that's the score it gets.

My goal of even turning on the was Boston Legal. Last night was awesome. Spader and Shatner are always amazing. The highlight is when Shatner takes Spader fishing in British Columbia and Shatner gets mad because hes not catching anything so he grabs a shotgun and shoots the head off a fish. The funny old lady killed the little old crazy man that she was kind of dating. She was scared that he might kill again. She tried to turn him to god and that didn't work so she beat him with a skillet and put him in the freezer. I still love this show. There were some slow spots and for that I will only give Boston Legal a shot of 80 proof soco, and for the weak parts I have to withhold the lime.

This one's for all the cabbage

Well as many of you know last year me and Dan lived together in the good old 3A. We would drink every night and watch movies and play video games…Hot Shots Golf 3 for the most part. Well that era has ended and Dan is now sober more than not (much to his disappointment I’m sure). But fear not I am still keeping the dream alive, but we must let some of the past go and I care about our friends Phillip, Jamie, and Hamm to much to say good-bye. You may wonder where this is going, and I’m not so sure myself…Oh yeah. Yesterday I was in the new huge Target and I saw Hot Shots Golf Fore! for $19.99. I thought “hey, what the hell, why not”. It was a bit weird playing it by myself and sober, one of those problems was son taken care of. The game is good, some of the same courses and a lot of new ones, new cool characters, and mini-golf, which is a shit-load of fun. I have only played it alone so I will have to test out the “party factor” tonight (come if you want—10ish).
-Hey Dan this is our new rating system---

Hot Shots Golf Fore! = 80 proof

Insert Clever Title

So goddamn busy. Hence, the lack of posts. Also, I’m getting sick. Anyway, baseball is ruining my weekly TV watching, so I’ll try to get some movie reviews up as I watch them. However, SSX On Tour is coming out today, so I imagine I’ll just be playing that all week.

Categorize this post as a post for the sake of posting.

gutter sluts

Yeah bowling was not to good last night. Ciggy got the high game of 164...twice. Craig Christ won a few and so did Dan...Sam didn't really feel like it, can't win every night. We are trying get get all the shit out of us on Sunday so we can roll good when it counts(Thursdays). Craig didn't spill any beer this time, we're proud of him.

To much drama

Ign just came out with a list of the top 25 dramas of all-time. I don't really know if i agree with a lot of the list. I am glad both Godfathers are on it, but I really don't know about The Graduate at the #13 spot. Good movie but the 13th best drama of all-time...

Well at least the won't have to update the list. Hollywood Quits.

room in this inn...

Got a few new cds yesterday---

The new Ryan Adams & the Cardinals album Jacksonville City Nights was the first on the list. Now I have always been a fan of Ryan even when he was a whiney little bitch or tried to be rock and roll so I knew I would like this cd for sure. Earlier this year he released the 2 disc set Cold Roses, which was one of his best to date, and I think that Jacksonville is quite a bit better. Even if you are not a fan you should just ignore who it is and listen to it, because its damn good music.

I also got the new Atmosphere cd You Can’t Imagine How Much Fun We’re Having. I haven’t listened to this one whole lot but it seems pretty good so far. I don’t think its going to be as good as Seven’s Travels or Lucy Ford but that would be hard to do. I think it is going to grow on me a bunch. If my opinion on it greatly changes I will let you know.

The immortal Stephen Lynch just released The Craig Machine. This is a great buy. I laugh every time I listen to it and I’m sure you will to. The only things wrong with it is that it is live in New York so the sound is kind of weak in some spots. The other thing that sucks is that I have already heard about half the songs in the set, that’s ok though 12 bucks is a small price from 8 or so new Lynch songs.

The Holy Team

It’s been a crazy past few days, hence the lack of posting. I dropped $200 some on my car the other day, fixing liquids and stuff I didn’t understand. Then yesterday, on my way to my company dinner, I ran over a speed bump a little too quickly, and my muffler dropped to the ground. It’s rigged up with a wire coat hanger right now, but I don’t think that’ll last too long. Damn old cheap bastard cars. Damn them to hell.

But bowling, that’s what’s important. Sunday night was officially declared Ciggy’s night. Three top games for the evening: 183, 187, and 190, all in a row. He landed two turkeys and picked up two splits. I really think it was a testament to his holy Jesus powers, and teamed up with his brother, Craig Christ, the Holy Team kicked Team Sam&Dan’s ass.

Key moment: The second game, none of us hit lower than a 150, and at least half were in the 170s (Sam and Cigs), I hit in the 160s, and Craig Christ in the 150s.

Also: missed all of TV last night because I was eating awesome food and drinking beer on the company’s tab.

Coming soon: my review of We ♥ Katamari.

Watch this show, this I command

This Saturday morning I caught the new G.I. Joe cartoon Sigma 6. I am really critical about these types of shows so I didn’t think I was going to like it. At first the animation kind of bothered me but I just had to get used to it not looking like it was made in the 80’s. I really like all the characters they had and they seemed to be true and accurate for the most part. The only thing that I picked up on was that when Snake-Eyes was fighting Storm Shadow, Storm Shadow refers to Snake-Eyes as his brother, which we all know is not true at all. They used to be best friends and they trained together but they do not share any of the same blood. You might say Storm Shadow was just using it was a figure of speech, which I think would be ok except for the fact that there are a lot of young viewers that are not as well informed as us and they might be deceived. I think that the voices were good for the most part. Cobra Commander’s voice was pretty weak, but the Bareness sounded just like she used to. The most exciting part was when Zartan and the Dreadnaughts showed up, and Zartan was in his old costume with the brown hood, fucking awesome. I plan on watching this show every week, and I would just like to take a moment to thank it for making me excited about G.I. Joes again. I’ve missed you guys…

Butch Walker

This weekend I went to Butch Walker concert in the Ascot room. I really didn't know what to expect because Butch writes typical, generic, shity pop music (that I love with all my heart). It was the Hotel Cafe tour with consisted of Butch Walker, Jim Bianco, Imogen Heap and Gary Jules. Jim Bianco was extremely enjoyable. He is kind of Tom Waits like mixed with a little M. Ward. I would recommend listening to some of it. I think a lot of people were there for Imogen Heap, who was not that good. She was trying way to hard to be Bjork, with all the voice fluctuations, atmospheric music with electronic drumbeats. Like Micah said "its kind of hard to like someone when the first thing you think of when you see/hear them is some dirty bag lady sitting in a park feeding the birds and singing really loudly to herself."
Butch blew me away. He sang a few new songs which were pure pop gold. The highlight was breaking into Kanye's "Gold Digger" in the middle of "Maybe its just Me" and the wrapping it up with a huge course singing Bowie's "Young American". The Prince covers were pretty damn cool as well. I would have been able to see better if there wasn't a 300 pound "white hat" football player getting into it like Ciggy gets into dumb blonds.
You can hear any of there music here.

Sebulski steps it up

Kind of pressed for time, so The OC review will be in whenever I get the chance.

Sam missed out on league bowling last night to go see The Arcade Fire, that dumb slut. And a good time he missed. We started out strong, Ciggy with a 173 and me with a score in the 160s. Second game, we all dropped a bit, Ciggy pulled a 136 and I managed something in the 150s. Third game, I finished off with the high of the night with a 175, and Ciggy jumped back up to the 160s. Overall, Bruckheimer held his own, if you consider getting a high of 136 holding your own.

The team next to us killed us, mainly because they’re second in the league, and we’re just not that good yet. One of them rolled a 204. Those bastards.

Key moments: me blowing four turkey opportunities and two frames where I threw it straight in the gutter.

The mighty thursday

Good news for all you purest. The original Star Wars will do coming out on DVD in December. Now I'm glad I held out and didn't buy it before. Who wants to see all that special edition shit anyway. Its got the awesome original artwork to. I'm kind of excited.

Wow this is awesome. One of the greats of our time talking about one of the greats of the 50's. Johnny Depp on James Dean. Take a listen.

Damn getting over drugs costs way to much. Kate Moss just checked into a rehab clinic that goes for 4 grand a night. Now thats a reason not to do drugs, or at least not to quit.

The most kick ass musical ever. Broadway meets the The Man in Black. Using 38 of Johnny's songs. Wow thats awesome it will go into more than just the hits. I hope they make a DVD of it.

More from the world of the modeling

Wednesday TV is pretty lame. After my routine 6–7 Simpsons rerun slot, I kept it on good ol’ UPN and watched America’s Next Top Model. Watching them try to make Androgynous Lesbian more feminine and then her refusing to look anything but like a boy is pretty funny. And then there’s Miss Pageant, who thinks that modeling is a “career” whereas doing pageants “helps you grow as a woman.” She also just bitches about her hair, which they cut short and made look infinitely better than before. My absolute favorite, however, is the bitchy-I-know-everything-and-I-throw-it-in-your-face girl. Even if she were horrible at being a model, they’d keep her on the show, just to add some conflict. My vote’s for the Androgynous Lesbian, probably, because at heart, aren’t we all Androgynous Lesbians? Or is that just me?

Another one legal...

Hilary Duff was born 18 years ago today. It's nice to know you wouldn't go to jail, but it kind of takes the thrill out of it.

MirrorMask

Hey if you like movies you should go look at the clips of mirrormask. Its the new Neil Gainman movie. Its going to be kind of a Alice and Wonderland type thing. I'm not really sure yet, not all the websites say the same thing. I do know it looks good.

Punk Porn Resignations a-go-go

For any of you lonely guys out there that have enjoyed the models of SuicideGirls, this may be disappointing.

Baseball ruins my Tuesday

For the next month, I will not be able to review the awful Bones nor the sarcastic House. Both are being put on a hiatus, because baseball is somehow more important. Those assholes at Fox. So, starting next week, my reviews will be shifting from Fox to NBC, where I will try to watch My Name is Earl and The Office (American).

Bones is still terrible. I only caught the last fifteen minutes but was able to witness Angel demanding that half of the restraint the characters frequent is his. It was a very pathetic “I’m Angel and I’ll kick your ass if you try to sit by me or talk to me or even look at me because I’m Angel. Did I mention that I’m Angel?” moment.

House is still great. The only problem with the show (yes, only, in my mind), is the advertising. And that’s all Fox’s fault anyway. They keep hyping up every episode to be more controversial than the last. But, damnit, they’re running out of controversy. What would really be controversial is if House wasn’t an asshole and if he were wrong. But we all know that’s not going to happen.

I really didn't think that My Name is Earl was going to be that funny. I was wrong, Jason Lee does a damn good job. Last night was a great episode about Earl trying to quit smoking and asking a friend who he put in jail to forgive him. Good gags throughout, and good use of the flashback. The style kind of reminds me of Dirty Work. The only thing I'm worried about is this whole making up for his past wrongs thing. I will be impressed if they can keep it from getting to repetitive. Also you can't go wrong if your show stars the token fat guy Ethan Suplee.

Quote- Earl "I tried to quite smoking, but I found out by body runs on tar"

Another American mediocre attempt at a British show. The Office is really hit or miss. It relies solely on Steve Carell to carry the show. Every once in a while the content is actually worth while, but most of the time I really just don't care. Last night was one of the better episodes I have seen. Trying to rid the workplace of sexual jokes, which is the majority of them of. It's a good show to watch if you have nothing better to do, but its not on my weekly schedule.

Quote- Michael Scott "Send me the link to the money sex video. Forward it like it's hot, forward it like it's hot."

The big surprise of the night was the session premier of Boston Legal. I caught the show a few times last year and never really thought to much of it. Well now I'm a fan. Last night the interaction between James Spader and Willian Shatner was amazing. I really did get into the characters and what they were going for. The highlight was Shatner shamelessly trying to sleep with guest star Heather Locklear.

Quote- Denny Crane (Shatner) “Not everything is about money, sometimes sex counts for something.”

Prison Break breaks my heart

It really only broke my heart because it ended mid chaos with a "To be continued" Damn them.

I’m glad to see that Arrested Development hasn’t lost any of their jokes over the different seasons. They’re still making subtle (or not so subtle) references to The Blue Man Group, Buster’s hand, and there are way too many to keep track of. And even though the show is rather episodic, it still flows from one episode to the next.

Key moment: Chorus comes in, singing the words “for British eyes only” while zooming in on Rita’s (Charlize Theron) dad.

Kitchen Confidential: Still liking it. They’re keeping up on the reformed bad boy dilemma, and usually pulling it off with a good amount of humor.

Key moment: Newbie saying, “That’ll be me one day” in reference to sleeping in the kitchen.

Prison Break kicks ass. I know, I know … it’s not that great, it’s cliché, blah blah blah. It’s awesome. I can’t stop watching it. I’m addicted. It’s just so fucking intense. Michael breaks into the walls and turns off the fans, which pisses off all the inmates, which results in a lock-down. The inmates, led by Inbred Redneck, breach the security, and start taking over the prison. Burroughs gets the shit kicked out of him while he tries to protect a new guard. Inbred Redneck discovers their entry into the walls. Hospital woman almost gets raped. Episode ends…to be continued…

Key moment: Sucre says, “There are only a few things in life that are certain: death, taxes, and count.” Way to paraphrase ol’ Ben Franklin.

For each hurricane take 2 shots...

15 years is not that much. Mr. Ashton "Trucker Hat" Kutcher and Demi "Striptease" Moore got hitched. It's Ashton's first marrage and Moore's third. It was a Kabbalah ceremony. more...

Layzie finger Bones. Do you have fans that try to bite off your finger off? Well welcome to Bones Thugs MC Layzie Bone's world. more...

Finally I feel a conection with Bush. I never thought that me and the W would have anything in common, but I guess I was greatly mistaken. What a comfort...southern comfort that is. more...

Sunday Sebulski Extravaganza

Sunday Bowling didn’t go as well as planned. And what I mean by that is that Sam did better than I did. Actually, he did better than everyone else. He ended up with a ten-pin lead over Cigs on overall pins, the two highest scores of 185 and 175, and was the only one to land a turkey.

Overall, however, team Sam&Dan beat team Cigs&Bruckheimer. This might be attributed to the fact that Bruckheimer barely passed the 50-point mark in one game, and that I managed a 161 for my high score for the night.

Other notable events: Ciggy’s high score of 174. Sam spilled beer…again.

The OC on Sunday

The Simpsons: What starts out as an episode about Maggie (and then subsequently, Homer) getting the chicken pox, turns into an episode about Marge and Homer breaking up, which leads to Bart accidentally falling off a cliff.

Key reference: An OC montage in which Snoopy holds up a guy at the ATM and a girl tells her boyfriend that their “inter-racial relationship is over" all at a water park while The OC theme song is playing

Family Guy: Chris goes to high school and gets hazed Dazed & Confused style. He escapes to some remote village, does a song and dance routine, marries an eleven year old girl, and then, after Peter causes havoc, they get chased out to a sequence out of Indiana Jones.

Key reference: Stewie as a highschooler tells the popular girls that he’s scored some wine coolers for an OC viewing party.

American Dad: I’ve begun judging this show based off of the newspaper headings at the beginning. Last week’s was, “Israel pulls out of Gaza. Gaza not pregnant" and it was a great episode. This week’s was “Gas prices higher than that dude at Weezer concert.” The show wasn’t that great, thus proving my theory.

Key reference: The Star Wars Kid shows up to fight off Stan and crew and then falls on his head.

Comas Suck

Comas aren't Heaven? Oh man I got my hopes up. I thought that once I went into a coma I could find my true love. I guess if I ever go into a coma and your a real friend just pull the plug.

Back to School Bible. I wish I would have had this going into Bethel. It would have saved me a lot of time. If you are one of the kids that went/goes to a private school read it.

Better not to vote. These guys are really running out of people to vote for. I mean who would elect a woman?

See you on the flip side Don. Don Adams dies at the tender age of 82. You may remember his face from "Get Smart" and his voice from "Inspector Gadget"

PS. I'm not normally going to do this news thing, but the Pandas dont seem to be around so I thought I would cover it.

The Corpse Bride

Overall it was awesome. We know that everyone who watches it will have Nightmare Before Christmas in mind so that’s what I will compare it to. It is just as good...but different. It is a lot less musical, and what songs Bride does have don't stand up to Nightmares(at least there aren’t as many and they are less catchy). Visually it is amazing. Going from the black and whitish "upstairs" to the overly colored "downstairs". The story is stronger than I thought it was going to be. I really did care about who Victor ended up with in the end. It was touching, but it could have been a lot more so if it was longer. At a mere 76 minutes it is much to short. I really think they could have done more. It is a movie that is defiantly worth seeing.
"wow this is so Tim Burton"

Down's animals mating

Scientists are apparently concerned with making animals retarded and then help them fuck . This is all probably very important research that I don't understand. Either that or the scientists are the equivalent of junior high students that shook chicken eggs to see the deranged animals hatch.

Sebulsky: slow to get it up

Our scores that is. It was a slow start for the night of league bowling. I began with a 97. A goddamn 97. For those of you that aren’t good at math, that’s less than 100. And for those of you that know nothing about bowling, that’s a horrible score. The others in the Sievy Sebulski crew didn’t start out too hot either. I believe there was a game in the 110’s and a game in the 130’s.

So, after a terrible and an average game, we started kicking ass. In the third game, I finished off with the night high of 168, while Sam ended up right behind me (which happens way too often) with a 165. Ciggy had some decent score I can’t remember, but this isn’t his blog, now is it? Maybe we shouldn’t drink wine before showing up to bowl in a league. That’s a lie … we should.

Also, I would like to mention that we’ve discovered that smelling my fruity ball helps you score.

The OC #303

The OC session 3 episode 3-
We are not going to tell you what happened step by step for that you can go here. http://www.fox.com/oc/recaps/
What we will do is tell you all the important things we think, like...
I think Charlotte is after the Cohen’s money. At first I didn’t like her because I thought they were going to try to do the lesbian thing again, but now that they are going a different direction with it I think it could get interesting. Like Ciggy said “she’s a bitch but I like here robot boobs”
It’s to bad to see Jimmy go again. I can’t see him not coming back, but Marissa did tell him that if he left now not to come back. We’ll miss you Jimmy, I’m just glad your not dead.
The Dean Hess and Taylor are fooling around I’m pretty sure. They are the new bad guys of Harbor, which is ok because if you think about it the only people they can affect anymore are Seth and Summer. That means that Hess and Taylor will be the drama in their lives and they will probably stay together.
So now that Jimmy is gone what is Julie going to do? Can she live with out being rich? I don’t think they will have her find another rich guy, but maybe. I hope she doesn’t take Marissa back to Riverside where she’s from. I think she will get some middle class job and have to go through the whole not having money thing. It could be fun.
Sandy is the God of the OC. He is the one that keeps everything together, without him the world would fall apart.
Oh yes, Kirsten finally came home after many months in rehab. It was a great scene when she walks in. It was a good parallel with the scene last year when she left. In both of them Seth becomes the dramatic element by walking in from the back a little behind everyone else. It makes it extra special because Seth is normally not that emotional especially with his mom. It is really the only good mother son relationship in the whole show (minus Sandy and the Nana, but that is different). The dads seem to be the strong element in Newport, with a few exceptions of course.
It’s hard to say where Ryan and Marissa will end up. I think their relationship will be ok for a while. Marissa will be going to public school next week so she will need Ryan’s support/fists of steel. I expect to see the horribleness of public school greatly exaggerated, which will be fun.
It was awesome that Seth took the blame for taking the play set. He is a man now.

After I download it and watch it again I will add quotes.

Deon Warwick

I would just like to point out that the title of my last post was "power out", and the power is out...everywhere. I think I'm psychic. Just thought I would let everyone know. Oh wait I am and feeling another prediction coming on...me, dan and cigs will unite as Sievy Sibulsky and kick some major bowling ass.


Oh yeah tonight’s menu is spaghetti and salad with some French bread. Come if you want but you have to bring wine or whisky.

The best day of the week

It's here. Thursday. The best day of the week. And I realize that many of you (all 5 of you that have read this) are saying, "Oh god, he's talking about The OC." Well, that's mostly true. It's the night of The OC. But, equally exciting (yes, equally), it's bowling night ... league bowling night. And I'm going to be wielding my fruit smelling Princess Dandy ball and kick ass.

Also, Tuesday TV: I forgot to write my one to two sentence review of what I watched. I caught most of Bones, Fox's new crime dramedy starring Zooey Deschanel's sister, Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz better known in his role as Angel, yes, Angel. This show isn't that great, but every time Angel comes on screen, I just scream "Aaaaannnngelll." I think the neighbors hate me. I also watched House, which I realize Sam is not a big fan of, but I think it's because Sam can't stand watching someone who is even more of a sarcastic asshole than he is. All in all, good episode.

Wednesday TV usually sucks. But, the premiere of America's Next Top Model got me hooked. And, you know, it's funny to watch an androgynous lesbian try to look hot.

Our reviews of Thursday night coming tomorrow ...

power out

I just found the video for the Arcade Fire "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out). Its good...go watch it at www.rollingstone.com/video

Last night I watched Three Kings for the first time sense it came out. If you haven't seen its in a while I suggest you watch it again. I thought of it becasue Jarhead is coming out soon and it is also about Bush War I. Every time I see him Marky Mark moves farther up on my list of favorite actors.

if you aint no punk

holla we want prenup, we want prenup. yeah.
i need to bitch...I see that kanye is out on tour with common, and guess where they are not going. I think I might take a road trip down to chi town. Wake up Mr. West you have fans up her to.
yeah dans right about tv last night...
just saw that the new bob dylan documentary comes out this week. Scorsese did it so who knows what its going to be like. I think its called "raging bob" or "bringing out the dylan" or somthing like that.

Ah monday tv...

I think we're pretty much just going to be talking about tv on this thing ... and bowling. Because that's the sort of stuff we do. Oh, and drinking. That said ...

Arrested Development was good, really good. It's been a while since I've seen it, so it took a bit to get back into it.

Kitchen Confidential has potential. It's funny, but I don't know how long they can hold onto the rogue cook turning his life around theme.

And Prison Break is just nail biting. I'm really not sure why either, because I don't really care about the survival of the characters or the success of their plan. But for some reason, I can't stop watching it.

More importantly, there's only three more days (including today) until another new episode of The OC and league bowling.

God, we're going to have to come up with more to talk about ... although I'm sure that everybody likes reading our two line reviews of shows. Thursday, though, after Thursday we will have much more material.