B[ow]log: one more week of Sebulski

We only have one more week of league bowling. Before last night, we were tied for third, but our chances for holding onto third position for the final were dashed when we played the best team in the league. After they had two 200 games and one 199 game, we finished with only one win and were very far from getting overall pin total. We started out all right. Ciggy and I both had 150 games (I beat him by a pin) and Sam was somewhere a bit lower. Our second game, the other team fell apart, Sam and I had 150 games (I beat him by two pins), and Ciggy was somewhere a bit lower. Our third game, we all fell apart and had games scattered in the 130s and thereabouts.

Highlights: Sam picked up a 5-7 split and we ate all of our pizza.

BBH: Wasn’t there; I have no idea.

"A" is for Ass Kicking, "B" is for Boners, "C" is for "Copping a Feel

The book by Maddox is now available for pre-order on amazon, it is titled "The Alphabet of Manliness. This book is "so manly that even its sentences don't have periods". Somehow it made it to number 2 on the amazon book list. This looks awesome and I will pre-order it. It's only 10 bucks for a 200 page hardcover book.
Here is the description on amazon-
"a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved: The Alphabet of Manliness. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history." "If you can’t handle the punch to the colon I’m about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you’ll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already."
To read more go to the books homepage.

KH2: Intro Review

My first three hours of Kingdom Hearts II were full of mixed feelings. I just began playing with Sora. For the introduction, you play as a character named Roxas, going through elementary tutorial like activities that require a 10-year old's skill to complete and it takes about 45-60 minutes to actually start moving freely in the field. The story is extremely confusing (most likely because I haven't played the GBA Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories game, after which this directly follows). However, and this is a big however, the game is fun as hell and I'm addicted to it. I'm not sure if it's the sheer anticipation of making it to the awesomely rendered worlds of Disney (oh god how I want to play the Tron level), or the basic thrill of mashing on X and crushing entire armies of evil characters. The graphics are fantastic and my ancipation is very high to pair up with Jack Sparrow (voiced by Depp) and kick some ass or summon Chicken Little, listen to the serene voice of Zach Braff, and throw shit at people (seriously, that's what he does).

Geek out.

Science = Religion

Just to boost your faith in humanity and the intense speed with which we are moving forward in our evolution, here's an article about how a lot of people thought a solar eclipse was a religious phenomenon. I, for one, am glad that we've reached the point where we don't need to rely on falty science to explain our world, but instead can look to abstract notions and whimsical deities for our explanations. Logos be damned; embrace the mythos!

Word Salad

Zombies are back from the dead. They are once again the fad in the media. Table about it.

One of our favorite men ever, Christopher Walken is going to iron in a new movie "Balls of Fury". He plays a ping pong fan/evil crime lord named Fang. The movie-as far as I can tell-is all about Fang's evil underground tournament.

I miss the western, it was been a long time since a really wheel western came out (Serenity doesn't count). The Proposition is a new Guy Pearce movie writen by Nick Cave. It is a western movie set in the Australian outback. Comes backpack May 5th. Watch trailer here.

Shia LaBeouf, who played Chas Kramer in Constantine, cup been cast for the role of Sam in the new Transformers movie. I'm glad they have started casting on this. I hope this movie fulfills all my wildest dreams...next G.I. Joes meet Transformers...

Did you watch Scrubs and Boston Legal last night? If you awnsers not "zebra" your a douche and you missed out.

Movies to come

Zap 2 It made a list of 38 movies that coming out this year. It's nice to see a list like this. It reminds you that there are things to look forward to. I can't wait to see #25...if for no other reason the 2 people in the picture. #21 is also one that I forgot about.

Apple Trailer Day

The Promise- It looks like a mix between a Final Fantasy and a Dynasty Warriors, but a kick ass movie.

Little Miss Sunshine-Looks awesome. It will be good to see Steve Carell do something a little different.

American Gun- This looks pretty good. Sadie (Nikki Reed) is in it...damn Ashland...

Art School Confidential-Amazing. Directed by Terry Zwigoff (Crumb, Ghost World) with John Malkovich, Anjelica Huston, and the token fat guy. All about the art douches.

Mario & Sonic sitting in a tree...

It was announced recently that the Nintendo Revolution (a machine I am considering purchasing more and more) will be able to play old Sega Genesis and Turbo Grafx 16 games. It's already been announced that it will be able to download old NES, SNES, and N64 games. The machine doesn't have the hardware, but dear god will it have the games. Golden Axe, here I come.

Snakes on a Motherf**king Plane

Because of the huge internet cult following Snakes on a Plane already has, they reshot some of the film to get it an R-rating. According to imdb, this line is apparently going to be a cult line:

"I want these motherf**king snakes off the motherf**king plane!"

Let's see if we can help in making that line go down in history.

Also: I have more in common with Werner Herzog than I thought. He loves Christian Bale. But he probably loves him in less of a homoerotic way than I do.

Oldest tortoise = Dead

This tortoise was approximately 250 years old when he died recently. Let's hope Shatner can live that long.

R.I.P. old fellow, R.I.P.

Cops & Robbers & Models

More ANTM: Surprisingly, Jade wasn’t more of a bitch (or at least the way in which the show was edited didn’t seem to insinuate that she was). She won the challenge, which was quite cool. They had to dress up in some avant garde designers clothes, hold a cockroach (that was bedazzled with jewels), and walk down the catwalk. Pretty cool stuff. The photo shoot was them dressing up as fairy tale characters and then take a photo while falling. Mollie Sue, still my favorite, really needs to step it up to keep in the running. They kicked off blow job girl (god her lips are huge) instead of the annoying Asian girl. Now I hate the judges.

I actually watched Heist, because, well, there wasn’t anything else on. I don’t know about the rest of you, but a kid blowing up in the first 10 minutes is pretty awesome. The characters are enjoyable, they’ve already thrown in a lot of backstory. The biggest potential problem is if they go the way of Prison Break and forget that it’s supposed to be full of action and not soap opera pacing. I still think the show should be called Cops & Robbers.

Gillette Fusion: 5 blades, 5 stars

Sure, we all saw the commercial during the Super Bowl, and we all laughed at the seemingly absurd 5 blades. But, as a good consumer (as I think I am), I was intrigued. I have been a long time user of the Gillette Mach 3, but for as long as I have been shaving (shortly after being ejected from my mother's womb), I've always had issues with razor burn and that horrible red marked neck. So, I think, it's a few dollars more, but wouldn't it be worth it if I didn't have to walk around with an annoying red face that is also smooth, but instead just a smooth face. I balance the costs, and I buy the thing for a test run. Dear god am I happy. At first, the sensation is strange...the closely knit five blades hit my face with what I mistake with tugging, destroying my face...instead, I am experiencing the fantastic sensation of a smooth and delightful shave. The typical three stokes it usually takes to rid a spot of scruff is now replaced with one continuous motion. I perfect my side burns with the blade on the reverse side. Normally, I am not one to tout my opinions on various hygiene products, but hot damn am I happy with selling out to the five blade revolution.

Cirque de Sole freaky

Despite my better judgment, I caught the repeat of ANTM yesterday. Even though I can’t stand most of the contestants, I still think the show is hilariously melodramatic. Take Jade, for example: she’s whining insecure bitch, but flaunts herself like she’s extremely confident and knows everything there is to know about modeling. The judges, thank god, made her one of the last two, which will hopefully put her in her place. My guess is that she’ll just get more bitchy. I mean, she was bitching at the girl who was just part of the whole hurricane Katrina debacle for using the phone too much, talking to her parents. The hurricane Katrina girl, by the way, got kicked off.

Scrubs is still fantastic. There were so many good lines and jokes, the only one that sticks out is when Turk and his wife were in counseling.

Counselor: “How many times are you having sex?”
Turk: “Twice today”
Carla: “Three times.”
Turk: “Huh?”
Carla: “You were sleeping for the last one.”
Turk: “Oh, so that was real. I was wondering why you were in one of my sex dreams.”
Carla: “He’s not allowed to dream about us having sex.”
Turk: “Yeah, it gets freaky in there…cirque de sole freaky. One time, she was skinless.”

Wake Up You're Sleeping

My childhood friend Nate made this movie. You should go watch the trailer here. Looks like he did a pretty good job. I'm impressed.

enemies of metal, your death is our reward!

Think of 'The Darkness' and how they are a kind of tribute to hair-metal. Now take out the hair part of that and add speed, but keep the vocals. If you can picture that then you have just tasted the greatness that is '3 Inches of Blood'. I was introduced to these gods of metal this past weekend by my good man mr. jimmy o. On our way to the bar, after wes & lydia's reception, we sat up against his car as the metal rocked the world. It felt like we were in highschool, standing in the parking lot after class, blasting music, trying to pick up chicks, and failing. But damn did it feel good. I wish they had these guys on guitar hero, oh well, I will just have to play air-guitar in my underwear as I get ready for work in the morning. Check out the video of the week to see if you can handle The Metal.

Anna back on The O.C.

I don't know how all three of us missed this.

First Day of Spring B[ow]log

Because it was just Sam and me bowling last night, we got in quite a few games, and I’m only going to cover the highlights. So:

Bowling Highlights: We were pretty close to tied for the amount of doubles, then Sam bowled a turkey. Our highest game was me: 199, Sam: 189. Sam started that game with 5 strikes in a row. Because he was doing so well, I wasn’t paying attention to my score. Suddenly, I had beat him with a fully closed game. Sam picked up a 5-10 split. I picked up the 2-4-10 split twice.

BBH: We didn’t play it because we were at Sam’s place jamming out to some Guitar Hero. Here’s my assessment of playing that game after quite a few drinks: it’s fucking hard. The songs I’m normally good at, I was terrible at. Yet, the fun factor didn’t die out. Also, the songs seem to go really quickly.

Blind B[ow]log

Bowling: For two weeks in a row, we have won all 3 games and overall pin count. Ciggy, unfortunately, couldn't join us at the Mermaid, but via AAWT (Advanced Amish Wireless Technology) in Pennsylvania, he bowled a consistent blind 146 every single game. What really helped, though, was the fact that the guys we bowled against were all wasted. By the end of the night, one of them was having problems standing. So, we didn't really try to hard and got some 150s, some low games, some average games.

BBH: Sam was "not drinking" because he didn't want to bleed all over the tatto shop today. Apparently, Sam is not very good at BBH unless he has been drinking quite a bit. It was a close game right away. I had two perfect streaks in the first trip, and Sam had a four perfect streak. Somehow, he fell apart and started YsaDing.

PS: I'm not waiting for anybody to buy tickets because they go on sale soon and I don't have the cash to buy them for everybody (they're around $40), especially if someone bails on me and we can't find someone to pick up the tickets and suddenly I'm out $40, but there's a Mitch Hedberg tribute on April 30. I plan on buying mine in about 20 minutes.

Update: I bought two tickets and it cost me $94. Stupid Ticketmaster.

MechaGodzilla?

Here is a cool list of 14 exceptionally memorable movie robots.

Here is a great list of the 25 best vertigo books. I love the Preacher at #3 and Sandman at #1.

Assume the position

Kanye West is doing a movie. The movie will have at least 6 writers and 10 directors "each creating their own separate shorts that will intertwine through new and existing West music to create a portrait of the US....Which may or may not involve the President not giving a shit about black people."

The spanking scene from Secretary has been named the sexiest moment on film by a Lovefilm poll. Niiicce...

Beware the Ides of March

For a damn good reason. Sony's officially pushed the release of the PS3 to November. Analyists talk about how this is a really bad move for Sony and the Xbox360 is going to kill them because they'll have been in the market for a year before the PS3 shows up. I personally can't see buying an Xbox360 simply because I have to wait a bit longer for a better machine. Still, it'd be nice to have that machine sooner rather than much, much later. The only real benefit of this is the fact that I can buy it for myself for my birthday, guilt free.

metallagher...

Oh my god Master P had a gun. Who would have guessed?

If anybody knows of a place that has the new BBH P report the siting to me. It came out last tuesday and I am dying to play it. It's going to be amazing.

The Seattle Times has a pretty good interview/article on Chuck Palahniuk. I doesn't really hint at the next book other than the fact that he is working on it and "He's working on his first science-fiction book, which will be masquerading as a nonfiction biography."

If anyone wants to go see stand up comic Doug Stanhope and Metallagher at the Triple Rock on April first let me know. I am going to buy tickets later this week. Its 10 bucks. Doug is funny go to his site and listen...

I hate/love snow + b[ow]log

So, spending 45 minutes in my shitty car only to travel 2 miles is not my idea of a great way to start the week. So, I called work, gave them the news, and now I'm sitting comfortably in my home, drinking coffee, planning on watching movies. Now I'm really confused about how I feel about snow.

Bowling: Dan = off night. My highest game was in the 150s and I had quite a few low games. Still, I managed to land second place in averages. Now, this would make you think that Sam, who was last place in averages had an even more off night than I did. But, you'd be wrong. Sam actually had the high game of 172, but also the low game of unspeakable nature. He also picked up an amazing 7-6 split. Ciggy bowled average the entire night. He had a few 160 games, and cleaned house for averages.

BBH: Dear god was this fun. Right away, the game was tight. Every round, the positions changed. People dropping from first to last by shooting one doe. People rising from last to first by nailing perfect sites. In the end, it all came down to the bonus round of the last trip. The round before, I rose from last place to first place by shooting two bucks (yes, it was that close). I thought I had it in the bag. Ciggy had just shot a perfect bonus round, and I just needed to do the same to keep ahead of him. It was an easy round, but by some force of fate that refused to allow me victory in anything last night, I missed one shot and failed to retain first place.

Saturday Horror News

At first, I wasn't sure what to do with this news. Eli Roth (who is fast becoming one of my favorites after two intelligent yet disgustingly gory horror films) is set to direct a film version of Stephen King's Cell. So, this sounds lame to me until I read the synopsis:

...a throwback to (King's) early apocalyptic horror novels. In a single moment, a pulse sent out through cell phones around the world turns every phone user into a crazed, murderous zombie.

Sounds fantastic. The only problem I have with the entire article is when they quote Bob Weinstein as saying, "And Eli will make it right after he finishes Hostel 2." Lame man, lame. That movie doesn't need a sequel; I'm pretty sure the only reason that Roth is making it is because they would go ahead and do it without him, and then it would be terrible.

Open Links

Wired.com has a fun interview with the creator of the "videogame" Shadow of the Colossus.

I would also recommend going to Neil Gaiman's blog (see sidebar) if you want some information about upcoming movies he's involved with.

B[ow]log

We kicked some definite ass last night. Sure, none of the players from the other team showed up, and we were playing against a blind team (the computer just automatically inserts their averages), but, knowing the vagaries of our success, we could have lost. But, we didn’t. Our first game was fantastic. I finished with the high of the night with a 191, Cigs got a 158, and Sam, a 155. After this, Sam and I both dropped a lot of pins. I dropped to his previous score of 155 and he dropped to the 120s. Ciggy kept his average through the night, pulling a 170 in the second game. Third game, I dropped even more pins to a 129, Sam pulled ahead a bit, and Ciggy decided he would just keep it up and throw a 166.

Disappointments: The team that we were supposed to play against is the most fun team to play in the league. None of us scored turkeys. The guy running the place on Thursdays is a total douche. He was behind the lanes for ten minutes, simply attempting to get our balls unstuck. He always gives up and then moves people to different lanes. Idiot.

BBH: In a total upset, I won the first game. We all pulled over 10,000. In the second game, in another upset, Sam won. Rightfully so too. He shot 10 bucks in the fourth round. 10! That’s insane.

Highlights: We don’t even have to ask for beer anymore. Our bartender just serves them up for us when he sees us. Damn is he cool.

don't get "the bug"

Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary are working on the script for "Black Hole". It sounds like its going to be awesome. Black Hole "follows a group of high school students whose lives are altered drastically when they come in contact with a sexually transmitted disease called the 'teen plague' or 'the bug.' While some exhibit only a rash or a few bumps, others turn into horribly disfigured monsters or grow hideous new body parts." Ha Ha. Awesome

Here is a list of the all-time top movie deaths. Pretty damn cool.

New OC tonight. Watch it.

out of control!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The video thing maybe getting out of control, that or it just seems that way because we are dealing with it for the first time. But I had to put this Daily Show clip up, I have never seen these two act this way, its nice to know they are human.



- The Daily Show gets the Bananas

Shaft Creator Shafted Out of Life

You really ought to click this link and see the ugliest and least tasty looking lobster I have ever seen. It has fur on its claws. Apparently, the creature was so strange that they had to develop a new family class name for it. They said, “The family was named Kiwaida, from Kiwa, the goddess of crustaceans in Polynesian mythology.” I want to be part of a religion that has a crustacean goddess.

Also, in entertainment news, Gordon Parks, director of the original Shaft, has died.

WoW: TA

Oh geek humor. Lore Sjöberg has a rendition of World of Warcraft: The Text Adventure on wired.com. I have fond memories of playing old school text games like Zork on my uncle's old Apple computer when I was in grade school. It was too late by the time I found out about MUDs, using TelNet to launch yourself into a textual fantasy world. Instead of being compelling online interactive novels, they were usually more like chat rooms for socially deprived, acne ridden teenagers. Anyone who has ever attempted to play these will relate to this quote from Sjöberg:

> Shout "Where are the Kobolds?"

You hear a voice in the distance. "NE of stream, near lake." You hear another voice in the distance. "Right near lake." You hear another voice in the distance. "LF1M! Need priest!"

the squid and the black whale

Noah Baumbach's new film is going to star Jack Black. Both of these people are great and I have no doubt this movie will kick ass.

Here is an interview of what some official people are allready saying about next years Razzies.

Today Jarhead and Howl's Moving Castle come out on DVD. Good movies. I say buy, but I'm sure some will say rent.

Video of the week

Look on the right. Over there --->

Tom Waits- Hold On

Quote of the Day & Maybe a Video

I am going to try putting up a new quote everyday (week days), so if for some reason that sounds really exciting to you you should swing by everyday and check it out. Also I think at some point sammy is going to put up a video that you won't want to miss. Also does anyone know where todays quote comes from? I don't think I have a prize to give away, but you can have bragging rights until monday if you get it.

FWW or Finally We Win

So last night marked the dawn of a new age. We will no longer curl-up and die in the face of bowling foes, we will stand our ground and kick some ass. . . sort of. At least two of us will. You see there is this thing that has been hanging over us from the very beginning of league bowling, we can't all three bowl well the same night. So last night Dan and I bowled really well, me for the first time in quite awhile. But once again two of us bowling well meant one of us was way off the map. Sam, I don't think, was even there last night, and we will just leave it at that. We did win last night though, so lets get to that part. Dan pulled off a very respectable 164 average and I would be impressed had I not pulled off a 175 average. The first game we couldn't keep up with the other team, Sam's gal (yeah, she was a she) had a 60 handicap and it kind of crushed us with Sam not bowling well. The second game the other team didn't bowl as hot and I bowled a 198 to give us a victory there. So after two games its 1-1 and we are only 2 pins down in total pin count. Game three I end up dropping 48 pins, but Dan and Sam combine for 48 more pins then they had in game two, we end up with the same score and win game three. The total pin race was a little to close for my taste, but it did make for an exciting finish, we took it by 4 pins, 4 pins made up over 3 games, yeah that is cutting it really close.

highlights: I bowled a turkey in game 2 and we ended up having 2 team turkeys. I think this was the first night in awhile that I also lead in TO's or Turkey opportunities. We didn't feel like pizza last night so Sam and I got some really good wings, they were a bitch to eat, but damn were they tasty.

I must have been way more gone then I thought I was because I can't really remember BBH 06 C of the W. I know I won. I know we talked to a guy in our league that we thought was a douche but turned out to be kind of cool. And I know we stayed after and drank at the bar for a little bit. But all the little details are gone. Oh well.

highlights: I do remember talking to that guy about failing drug tests. It turned out him and his dad failed at the same time, his dad worse then him. I think that must be one cool dad. (also spell check just told me I only spelled two words wrong, there is no way that is right.)

T-shirts for dyslexics

Because of vcmc, I have discovered the joy of purchasing T-shirts on the internet from Threadless.com. They’re all rather cheap, and most of them have pretty cool design (if you can find them in stock). I purchased the God & doG shirt the other day. I’m not sure what it means, but I’m pretty sure that if I run into someone with dyslexia, it’ll be funny. They’ll say something like, “Why is Dog walking that god?” And I’ll just walk away, laughing and shaking my head. Oh, Dyslexia: I don’t understand you, so I make fun of you.

Scrubs vs. Grey's Anatomy

Due to the atrocity that is American Idol, House was not on last night. The benefit of this is that I watched an hour of new Scrubs. Both episodes were fantastic, each in their own right. The first episode was more absurd and funnier than the second, more serious, but still hilarious episode. In a typical Scrubs fashion, there were a lot of plot lines that all converged at the end. My favorite was Dorian’s (Braff) vendetta for an intern named Keith Dudemeister. He refused to give him a nickname, despite his last name, but called the others Cabbage and Wolfman (even though Wolfman’s real last name was Cabbage). Elliot was having an elongated booty call with Keith, which meant Dorian saw him every morning in his (Dorian’s) pink bathrobe. Also fantastic was Dr. Cox and The Janitor becoming friends at the bar while The Janitor refused to talk to him at work. At one point, they were drinking, broke into Dorian’s apartment, stripped him naked and woke him up with an ambulance in front of the hospital.

The best line in the entire two episodes was this: Dorian speaking about the show Grey’s Anatomy: “I love that show. It’s like they’re watching our lives and put it on television.”

PS: I just reread this; god this is scattered.