Mag. P.I.

I didn't watch it because I don't like fat people but it turns out that Matt Hoover won on the Biggest Loser. He won $250,000 and lost 157 pounds. If you ask me he could still afford to lose another 50 or so. The more important question is "who cares?" People want to see good looking people on TV...STOP THIS SHOW.

If you are a dumb ass and haven't started watching Boston Legal yet you better soon. Tom Selleck is going to be guest staring on an episode. Wow, Spader, Shatner and Selleck...thats sssexy.

And I'm sure we all have missed our weekly diet of Paris and Nicole. Well fear not the Simple Life is on E! now...thank god.

1st Top 5

Ok last night me and Eric were sitting down making top 5 lists, and I thought "Hey we should start doing this on the site." So I am. We are now making Top 5 lists. Feel free to make suggestions for future lists and to bitch about what I think is great. So here we go on a desert island top five...
Film actors you would like to spend the day with
1-Johnny Depp
2-Christopher Walken
3-Bill Murray
4-Bill Shatner
5-Steve Zahn

Tuesdays the new Thursday

So we don't have league because of Thanksgiving so we went bowling last night. Things weren't so good...looks like we can only bowl on Thursdays and Sundays. Sam(I) was pretty average. The high game was a 168, which I got twice. I ended up with an average of 156. Dan and Ciggy would kick my ass if I told their scores. Me and Dan both bowled turkeys. Ciggy picked up a nice 5/7 split. Other than that we bowled pretty damn bad. We drank Amberboch instead of MGD so that was nice.

Highlight-
Me and Ciggy walk in and Dan is talking to this guy who wants to give him his bowling ball. Turns out the guy bowled like shit and blamed it on the ball so he was talking to his ball saying "I'm going to flip this coin and if it's heads you can come home with me, but if its tails we say our good byes and you stay here." Well it landed tails, so he was giving his ball to Dan. Turns out it didn't really fit Dan or Cigs, but it fit me perfectly. So I now have 2 bowling balls. This one is nice because its a 16 pounder and has the finger grips. I think its going to be my strike ball and old Sammy Hall with be my spare ball.
--If anyone has an extra bowling ball bag that they want to give me that would be grand.

2 200s, 5 turkeys, 1 misfire, & 1 nipple

Ah Sunday bowling. Again, a night of ten games is hard to keep straight, and so I’ll focus on some highlights. First and foremost, Ciggy bowled the high game of the night with a 229. He had an impressive six strikes in a row in the first six frames and then almost finished with another turkey in the end, but was shy one strike. I unexpectedly beat my all-time high score of 201 with a 205. I thought I was getting a 180-something until I realized that I bowled a turkey in the ninth to tenth frames. Sam had a high in the upper 160’s, I think. We had many close games.

Other highlights: Ciggy had three turkeys and I had two. At some point in the night I forgot how to hold a bowling ball and threw it backwards. I don’t think the other’s will let me live that down.

And this is for the O.C. fans out there. Or, at least, Mischa Barton fans…

I'm getting a new friend...

Nikki Reed is joining the cast of the OC. I don't know what part she is going to play but IGN thinks that "she might best fit in with the new group of kids from Newport Union, given her somewhat gritty indie rep." I think that this would be ok as long as she doesn't try to go after Seth...he's Summers. She's only on for 4 episodes so she might die or somthing like that.

For more sexy news David Bowie might be in the new Christopher Nolan film "The Prestige". I hope he does it...there isn't enough Bowie in my life. Hey when does he get a bio film. People would like that, more than a hobbit playing Iggy Pop at least. Does he have to die first?

306

I have been a little behind on my OC reviews. I haven't been able to download 305 yet so I'm just going to look at 306 right now and then I'll come back to it. It starts out with Marisa having this really weird dream about trey and all that shit. It was kind of weird. It's the only the 2nd time they have done something like this(slow motion/crazy dream vision). The other time was in 301 when they were doing a flash back to what happened with Trey after Marisa shot him. Anyway after the dream she calls Ryan who was sleeping and told her to back to bed and they would talk about it later. Marisa being kind of emotional just wanted to here that Ryan was there for her...this sets up Johnny being the "guy who understands me".
It is Ryan's first day back at Harbor and he can't get in trouble. Taylor is still a huge bitch and she is throwing a senior lock-in and the whole class has to go. Thats the only way she can make friends according to her mom anyway. "Locking in a bunch of kids so you don't have to spend another Saturday night alone...Taylor un-tuck your shirt your ass is so not made for low-riders."...nice mom.
Marisa and Johnny talk a bunch and open up to each other and flirt and have eye sex and try to pretend nothing is happening because they both already have significant others. Marisa ditches out on dinner at the Cohen's for Johnny. Summer sees what is going down and tries to stop it. Goes to the surfing party and sees the major flirting between Johnny and Marisa and calls Ryan to come break it up. Everything is weird...asshole surfer guy Volchek (sp.) sleeps with Johnny's girl...Ryan is there for him. Johnny goes after Volchek and would have got his ass kicked so Ryan comes and hits him...good old days. Because of this Summer and Ryan miss the lock-in. Taylor is making a fool of herself because everyone hates her...rightly so. She has a huge heart so he steps up and takes the attention away from bitch. She doesn't have any friends and Seth is alone so they end up hanging out. Now Taylor likes Seth and all that stuff.
Sandy isn't going to sell the Newport group he is now going to run it with his young apprentice Matt.
Kirsten is helping Julie and Charlotte throw a benefit thing. Julie and Charlotte and going to pull a scam and just split the profits.
Over all this was a really good episode. I can say that even more now that I have seen 307 and know how 306 is just setting up the best episode of the session. I really like that Ryan and Johnny have formed this kind of brother hood...it will help create more drama with the whole "we're friends but I like you girl" type thing. Kirsten is being used right now, but she is having a good time which is awesome, and she's still off the good stuff. Seth and Summer are always awesome...it will be interesting to see where is Taylor thing goes. I know Seth would never go for it, but Taylor is a scheming bitch...I'll have my review of 307 up soon.

Highlights...
-Chino Boy punching someone again.
-Taylor's awesomely mean mom
-Summer telling Ryan that Marisa is with Johnny. Seth "Ryan try not to punch Summer."
-Sandy about corporate America "I loath it all: the greed, republicans, navy suits."

Sebulski: a play

We started out rather strong in last night’s league bowling. I don’t know if it was the great O.C. episode, the bitchy, fat, lonely, white trash cunt screaming at us to take our street shoes off before descending the forbidden two steps that lead to the bowling lanes, or the fact that while said cunt was screaming at us, I sat in a puddle of water, but we were pretty worked up at the beginning, or, at least, I was.

The first game, I bowled a 150-something and Sam bowled a 140-something. Ciggy ended up lower than that, but it didn’t matter, because we won the match. The second game, I bowled a 168, Sam bowled a 150-something, and, again, Ciggy ended up much lower than that. Although we lost this game, it was pretty damn close. I tied one of their guys in handicap scores, Sam tied another, and then Cigs fell 10 pins shy.

The third game almost isn’t worth mentioning. Ciggy took off to go see the Harry Potter flick at midnight, so we set him up for blind bowling. He marked every frame that game (a three spare), which, I must admit, is pretty easy to do when the computer’s just filling it in for you. Without Ciggy there to do horribly, Sam and I amped it up a bit and bowled some of the worst games ever. Awesome.

Key moment:
Bitchy league woman [screaming]: “Don’t be so fucking stupid: take off your street shoes before going down there.”
Me: “Oh, well we’re here twice a week and it’s never been a problem.”
[We mumble hateful things together]
BLW: “Just don’t be so fucking dumb, Jesus.”
Ciggy: “Are you bowling here, right here [points at our table], right now?”
BLW: “Yes, we are.”
Ciggy: “Oh, because it looks like you’re a lane over and your game is finished.”
BLW: “It’s always the fucking men.”
Ciggy: “Yup, we’re all assholes.”
[A moment passes and then over the speakers we hear…]
Speakers: “Please do not wear your wet street shoes down by the lane.”
Us: “Jesus, they told on us.”
Me: “Why the fuck is my ass so wet?”
[Looks at chair; chair is wet; looks at ass; ass is wet.]
Me: “Damn.”
[End Scene]

America's Next Boring Episode

America’s Next Top Model was rather boring. They advertized it up as the models going to London and crazy stuff happening, but nothing really did. The first part of the show they hyped up Kim’s gossiping about the other models until it blew up in the limo ride to the airport. It was rather anticlimactic, and nothing really happened other than Bre, Nik, and Jayla ripping on Kim, Nicole defending her, and Kim crying. She did attempt to apologize and write a note to Nik, but Bre and Nik (being the bitches they are) didn’t believe her. Before that, they took their “passport photos,” which really turned into a test about always being aware of how good you look. They reiterated that lesson when they got to London and “paparazzi” started shooting photos of them, but it wasn’t really paparazzi, and it was a test. Big surprise there.

The photo shoot consisted of them getting naked and cramming into a phone booth with one another. Sounds great, but this even ended up being rather lame. None of the photo shoots have been as cool as last seasons (e.g., them dressing up as the seven deadly sins and modeling in a grave, posing with animals, etc.) In the end, it came down to Jayla and Lisa. Jayla’s normally pretty awesome at the photos etc., but has been sucking it up lately. Lisa’s normally awesome at everything, but she’s just an obnoxious alcoholic bitch. Lisa got kicked off. And while I was sad that Lisa got kicked off (she’s normally the only entertaining one on the show), I’d rather have it be her than Jayla. Seriously, though, kick off Nik.

Key moment: While everyone was tearing Kim apart, Lisa sat next to her eating chips like she was watching a show.

Mad Cow

Boston Legal was good. It would have been really hard for it to beat last week. Spader starts sleep walking...almost kills himself, he has night terrors. He's want shantner to sleep with him to keep him safe.
Shatner says that he's homophobic and tells spader to "be a man and get a girl." Spader wants to pay his assistant to sleep with him...She does.
A plastic surgeon got caught injecting his own ass fat into his patents lips
Shatner might have Alzheimer's but he tells everyone its mad cows disease.
He gets tested...has minor Alzheimer's or could actual have mad cow, I guess they have a lot of the same symptoms.

Highlight--
Shatner "I tried that night terror thing on 6 different women and none of them took the bate"

Sunday Bowling

A slightly late bowling review: Once you’ve bowled nine games, they all start to blur together. That is, of course, unless you have one game where everyone kicked ass. In this particular game, I finished with a 162. And that was the low. Ciggy had an amazing 193 but couldn’t compete with Sam’s 204. Sam, by the way, hadn’t bowled a 200 game since his all-time best score of 200 a few months ago, and now he’s bowled three games over 200 in the past week.

We all had high averages as well. Sam averaged a 160, Ciggy averaged in the 150s, and I averaged in the 140s. We really just need to pull these scores over into league night so we can start moving up in the rankings.

Other notable things: Sam bowled two turkeys, and I bowled one turkey. Our regular bar tender will be back next week. Thank god.

Gay Man

There is a good Neil Gaiman interview on Mr. Palahniuk's site. Neil is also going to be doing a signing on Dec. 3rd. I will be there.

This is kind of old news but just in case you didn't know Arrested Development is going to get the can. I hear that ABC and some other people are wanting to pick it up once FOX gets ride of it...lets hope so.

I am dedicating this week to JC and our undying love for him. No Im not talking about Jim Croce it's Johnny Cash time. I know we all like him (if you don't you can get off this site now) but it might have been a while since we have spent a good amount of time really listening to him. Let's all take a little time out of our week to re-listen to our old favorites before we go see the movie this weekend.

I also got the new Neil Diamond disc Yesterday. Its called 12 song and its pretty damn good...all 14 song...

Just call us Sam Sebulski

Bowling: So, we won all three games last night … but, neither Ciggy nor I can take credit for it. Sam held our team afloat. We were playing against a team with averages lower than ours, so we thought, hell, no problem. Then one guy starts bowling strikes, and I start to worry a bit. But not Sam. Calm, collected, he steps up and bowls four strikes in a row. Our competition may have had a 200 game, but Sam decided he was sick of 200 being his high score and bowled a 202. A 202 was high for the women’s league that plays before us, so he got a free drink. I, on the other hand, bowled a 131, which was the low for the women’s league, so I got a free drink.

The second game was crap.

After one crap game, Sam was already sick of having a 202 as his best score ever. So, he bowled a 214. Unless Cigs or I can pull something like that, we might rename the team Sam Sebulski.

Notable Mention: Ciggy rolled a game in the high 150’s; I believe a 157.

Other News: Sam can’t make it to Stephen Lynch next Friday (he already bought tickets to another show). So anyone who enjoys the Lynch, has an extra $30 lying around, and doesn’t have plans for next Friday (the 18th), let me know.

Tyra: don't play games with my heart

Top Model was such a tease last night. At the end of the episode, Jayla and Nicole were the last two, both of whom I like. Tyra tells them that both of them are packing their bags. Damn. I’m pissed. Both of them getting kicked off? One less week of Top Model this season? The world has spun off of its orbit? Then she says, “…because we’re all going to London next week.” So no one got kicked off. But that’s just not nice. Toying with my heart like that.

So, this episode they had a competition to land a guest role on UPN’s Veronica Mars. Kim was the only one to talk about acting and why she was qualified, so she won. Lisa started crying…probably because she wasn’t drunk at the moment. No one else was interesting, so Kim won.

The photo shoot was with the Wild Boyz, which turned out to be hilarious. They were supposed to look upset and sexy at the same time while the Boyz did something horrible to them (wear their underwear, dresses, etc.). Bre did well only because she was actually pissed off at them. Nicole sucked it up because she was laughing while Steve-O tried to convert Kim of her lesbianism behind her. Steve-O kept flashing the camera. Kim took another awesome picture and clinched a spot in the top two. Then after the photo shoot, Nicole was getting along with Steve-O, so Lisa came in wearing a diaper and pissed herself. Awesome. She's a bitch.

I watched a bit of Veronica Mars to see Kim in her guest role. Damn does that show suck. Bad acting, horrible city name (Neptune, CA), and the plotline just seems absurd. It wasn’t even worth watching for Kim’s short moment.

'Tis Thursday

Slow day--I was busy and didn't get to see Top Model lastnight...Hope dan will talk about it later

I only have 2 things to say

1-Castlevania is going to be a movie. I hope it's cool...I'm sure it will be.

2-Idaho blows- The god of internet comedy is back with more asshole humor.

We MUST bowl well tonight, the OC gods will be with us...

He's no has been

Boston Legal was amazing last night.
First a guys wife wants a divorce after being married for 23 years because he cheated on her...with a cow. The guys defense was that the cow reminded him of her. At the end he promised to call it off with his farm friends and move to the city so he would be free of temptation.
Spader had a case where they we accusing a clown of not being funny. It turns out Spader is scared of clowns and wets himself where their around.
Shatner was a god this episode. First he was order to defend a poor guy who had raped and killed a 13 year old girl...can't do it "he's poor i hate the poor, they cant pay. Can't i have a hooker i could do a hooker" Judge makes Shatner defend him or he will put him in jail. Shatner tries to plead guilty against the killers will, judge gets pissed off at him so Bill said to the judge "your a douche bag judge, i don't do well with douche bags"
In the back room the poor criminal told Shatner her had done the girl a favor by killing her quick because he had just given her AIDS. Shatner then proceeds to pull out a gun and shoot the guy in the leg twice. "It was an accident."
Shatner gets off with a self defense plea.
Shatner ending with the line "its fun being me. Is it fun being you? What else is there?"

Highlights...see Shatner quotes above...

Stop zooming in

Bones is actually decent now. I know, it’s shocking: a show with Angel and the lesser known Deschanel playing with dead bodies is all right, but it is. They’ve started playing up the minor characters: annoying woman who runs absurd technology is having second thoughts about her job, it’s revealed that the geeky chemical guy is really part of some wealthy elite family but would rather work in the lab than have that life, and the kid is, well, still that weird socially inept kid.

A note about said absurd technology: dear god there is no way that anyone in any show can take a security camera and zoom in retaining the picture quality. They use it in every crime show and it’s usually the key point in finding the killer. But it’s stupid. It wouldn’t work. It's all pixilated, and then BAM, it's a crystal clear picture. You all know what I'm talking about. And you also know that it's insane. Also, this show goes above and beyond that, somehow taking images of the bones and restructuring them in a hologram to see what they would look like with skin. Lame.

House was pretty great. Although the commercials hyped it up to be an episode in which House has to deal with his parents (and I enjoy the episodes that play up on his character beyond his asshole qualities), they gave that plot about five minutes. The rest of the plot was typical House: kid comes down with weird symptoms, mysteries are unlocked, House is always right, etc. But even though House was right, they were too late and the kid died. Crazy. They actually let someone die on this show.

Key moment:
House to boss: “If you help me get out of this dinner [with my parents], I’ll tell you who started the rumor that you were a transsexual.”
Boss: “That rumor doesn’t exist.”
House: “It will if you don’t get me out of this dinner.”

after this...i'm dead...

Quick bowling review: We all sucked again. By all, I mean Sam and me. Ciggy actually hit above his average over the three games. Sam and I had highs of 134’s or 135’s or something and lows of unspeakable nature. Ciggy rolled a high of 165, a game in the 140s, and a game in the 150s. Despite the fact that the guys next to us barely had higher averages, they bowled out of their asses and pulled some 170 and 180 games. Good for them. Really.

Much beer was consumed.

And now…I kill myself…

Zorgon vs. Nyarlathotep

This morning a representative of the Church of Scientology was on the Today Show. The interview started out rather uninteresting: talking about the key points of Scientology, where you can get information, blah, blah, blah. Then it got interesting. Katie asks him, “But didn’t L. Ron Hubbard say that Zorgon came from a planet 10,000 years ago and planted humans on Earth?” The guy responds, “That is not based on fact at all.” Wow, I think, he’s totally denying the validity of his religion. Then I realize that he’s saying they’ve stripped any of the mythology/crazy musings of Hubbard out of the new Scientology texts. He keeps saying that they have information that is very easy to access: shell out some money and you can buy some books. Even their webpage doesn’t tell you anything. It’s just a stupid scheme to get cash. Anyone could have figured that out just by looking at the guy’s smug expression and his nice suit, though. But, the Church of Scientology has a great method for money: take a science-fiction text, say it’s religion, then, in a few years, pull out any reference to the weird mythology and start charging people cash. So, I say to myself, time to start my own religion: the Church of Cthulhu.

I’m going to start a religion based off of the Cthulhu Mythos by H. P. Lovecraft. Starting out, we’ll worship the Creeping Crawling Nyarlathotep and possibly the creatures the Cult of Dagon worships (who could, by the way, kick Zorgon’s ass). In about twenty years, I’ll pull away from the strange mythology and just retain the key theme’s of Lovecraft: dreaming, knowledge, etc. I’ll write new books and posit them to be the Scriptures of the Church of Cthulhu. I’ll make lots of money and some young Hollywood star will make humiliate me on national television (I’m thinking that Haley Joel Osment will have a comeback and join in my cause; Dakota Fanning is too closely linked to Tom Cruise after War of the Worlds). The best part would be that sleeping would be a form of worship. If you can travel to the dreamscape and, eventually, make it into the Ether, you would be a holy person among mortals.

So who’s with me in my Holy Journey to Innsmouth? Dagon is my new Passion of the Christ. Let us follow the ways of Nephren-Ka.

Thursday is back

It's back. Finally the OC will return to us. Baseball is over and the universe is in order again. Now we will have dinner drink wine and beer and bowl like kings.

Your favorite fat man you love to hate is back. Katrina: The Wrath of Bush is the new Michael Moore. It is coming out next year sometime. I'm sure it will be typical Moore. He's not going to have anything to talk about once W is out of office.

America's Next Top Model was just a recap last night. It was still fun. Good to get caught up if you hadn't been watching from the beginning. Found out Jayla has a really sarcastic sense of humor which makes her seem like kind of bitch, which makes me want he even more, I would marry her.

Got the blues

Boston Legal was good as usual. It was one of the more serious episodes I have seen. Two parents teamed up to get rid of halloween, but for different reasons. One group was Christians and they didn't like witches the other group was witches and they didn't like the negative stereotype. The judge told them to not take themselves so seriously and halloween was about candy and fun.
Spader is suing the US over a solders death in Iraq--everyone is against him including Shatner. He had some good arguments and it was pretty right on, but he lost...
Shatner and spader were fighting because of the war case, Shatner was being a little bitch. At the end they both made up and dressed in their matching flamingo costumes
Spader "You look good in pink"
Shatner "Fine but I'm not going to sleep with you"
It was still a good episode but I hope the lighten up a little next week.

Highlight--
Shatner about the war "all you need to know is put me in charge I'll win the damn thing." while dressed as a flamingo and smoking a cigar


Steven Seagal has a blues CD coming out. If I don't by it will he kick my ass, and if so how will he to it...the karate chop, the neck break or just the punch to the face?

Peter Jackson is releasing a collectors edition of the Frighteners. It should be fun. Lots of good extras. Its coming this month. Dead Alive Next?

This is a great article about Christian Slater. He fell off Paris Hilton's roof. I didn't know he bit a guys stomach. A man after my own heart. We should pary with him sometime...

Prison Break: just call me the warden

Last night’s episode of Prison Break felt like just a catalyst for the rest of the show. Nothing terribly interesting happened. They expounded on a few stories, but nothing that furthered them in the pursuit of breaking out. Lincoln’s son eluded the secret service and caught up with Veronica, who has been in hiding with the guy with whom she’s working on Lincoln’s case. They revealed some information as to why the Vice President’s brother was murdered (money, of course). Redneck tried to hit on a new prisoner and Michael stopped him from doing so. The doctor found out some information on Michael. John (the mobster) lost his power in the prison circle.

So, it was just problem after problem and no progress, which, I must admit, is going to make things more tense in the long run. I have no idea how they’re going to get around these things that are stopping them. But without the thrill of some small victory (besides LJ, Lincoln’s son, escaping), I just felt negative the entire hour.

Key moment: prison guard brings woman into where Michael et al. are working to bang her and makes her call him the warden.

94% recall...I've tested myself

This weekend was good for movies. I'm going to give you the super short reviews.

Saw 2-Was OK. Not as good as the first. The thing that made the first one good is that it was so disturbing and a good twist at the end. The second one lacked both. It was pretty boring and only made me squirm once or twice and the twist sucked. I am glad I saw it because I would not have trusted any one else's opinion.
Saw 2 gets a 13 proof 5 dollar bottle of wine (kind of shitty but I've had worse)

Highlight-Bat with nails in it meet the back of dudes head.

Capote was awesome. Some of the best acting I've seen in quite a while. Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of the most underrated actors. Catherine Keener was also great as was Chris Cooper. It is about Truman Capote and the process of writing In Cold Blood. This was a movie where the story was vary typical but I still found myself being moved (which isn't easy).
Capote gets 120 proof. Probably in the form of some kind of vodka tonic because that is what he drank most of the time.

Highlight- Capote being a huge asshole all the time.

The Weather Man was pretty good. At some points I found my self wishing I was somewhere else, but it was worth waiting out those moments for some fantastic scenes. It was really funny film and the majority of the humor was pretty dry which is hard to pull off for some people, but Nick Cage did well. It had a really weird feeling, it felt like a major studio was trying to make some really character driven indy movie. Sometimes it felt forced, but most of the time it was good.
The Weather Man gets 60 proof. Really any kind of alcohol it just needs to have a ton product placement.

Highlight-The constant reference to his daughters "camel toe"

Just incase anybody thinks that movies are going downhill there is an end in sight. It was been recently brought to my attention that the man himself Sylvester Stallone is making 2 new moves. One being Rambo IV and the other being simple titled Rocky Balboa. They are both slated to come out next year. Prepare to get your ass kicked.

Dans back

Bowling Sunday went pretty good. We had a lot of close games and all our averages were pretty high. Dan wants to bowl good again for some reason. He must be sick of the 120's. So Princess Dandy polled a 192 out of his ass and got the only turkey of the night...here's a shot for you. If the three of us can bowl as good as we were on Sunday on Thursday we will kick ass, and I'm sure we will. How could we not its the return of the OC.