My Holy Grail

Call me a picky, but when I drink a non-alcoholic beverage, I want it to taste good. I find that most beverages I purchase out of a refrigerated case in a grocery store are crap. I’m lost my passion for pop, juice tends to be too sugary, and if it claims to have no sugar, it’s loaded to the cap with Splenda or some other artificial sweetener. Then I found heaven:

Take two things that I love: purified water and fruit. Combine them. Then don’t add anything else. No sugar, no Splenda, no carbonation; just pristine, beautiful, crisp water with a twist of fruit. This, my friends, is O Water. The company was started by the guys behind Nantucket Nectars, and while they’ve had a slow start on getting the business outside of the Northeast sector of the nation, it’s slowly moving here. Lunds is the only place I know of that carries it (but you have to buy it individually; they don’t yet sell it in cases). I recommend strawberry or wildberry. Mandarin orange is kind of crap.

Sure, you can claim that I’ve now posted twice about products I love and that I’m a huge bitch for doing so, but godamnit, this is exactly what I’ve been craving in a bottled beverage. I can now only hope that O Water will pay me in cases of this delicious beverage for shamelessly promoting their fantastic product.

Interesting article about the company from Forbes here (pdf).

B[ow]log: 20 pins apart

I still have not fully remembered how to bowl. Most of my games were in the 130s with a few 160s and a 170 in the mix. Last night was Sam's night. After figuring out how to bowl strikes with his new throw, he bowled 6 strikes in a row to finish with his all time high of 234. This means that for Seivy Sebulski, our high scores are now 214, 234, and 254. That's right, we're all 20 pins apart. Strange, I think.

Highlights: Besides the obvious, I bowled two turkeys. Unfortunately, they were both in the 10th frame and weren't put to their best use. It could be said that Sam bowled two turkeys, and that they were just in a row. He had a shit-ton of doubles.

Slashers & Lara Croft

Normally I wouldn't link to a videogame review; especially when the game in question in the new Tomb Raider. However, I think it's a brilliant review. Instead of detailing the gameplay, graphics, etc., (it's already getting great reviews), he delves into the reason why young boys enjoy playing as Lara Croft (besides the obvious). This, in turn, morphs into an academic comparison of Slasher movies and being Lara Croft, more specifically the idea of the Final Girl and young male gamers identifying with a heroine in distress. Fascinating stuff, I say.

Sebulski: The Aftermath

After bowling at least once every week for well over a year now, we somehow missed two weeks. Two weeks doesn't sound like that much, but when you first step out onto the lane again, attempt to concentrate, roll the ball toward the pins, and watch as it hooks differently than you had anticipated and land in the gutter, it feels like its been much, much longer. Needless to say, our scores were shit. Sam was attempting a new throw, so at least he had an excuse. I, however, did not. It didn't end all bad, though. I finished with the two highest scores of 193 and 177. I had two turkeys; Sam had one.

Bitchin' Highlights: Pre-game warm up--This consisted of eating pizza, drinking beer and watching part of A League of Ordinary Gentlemen. During The O.C., we resorted to drinking some nice Irish whiskey and smoking delicious cigars. If every sport's pre-game warm up was like this, I'd probably play more sports.

Kelly vs Coppola vs Linklater vs...

Reading this just makes me more excited for Richard Kelly's new movie, Southland Tales. It's a partial list of the films competing for the Palme d'Or prize in Cannes this year. Marie-Antoinette, Fast Food Nation, and (Sam'll love this) Pan's Labrynth are all in the mix as well. The trailer made it look like a cool, but schlocky Uwe Boll type movie, but this has me thinking that it has a lot more potential. I'll wait for an "I told you so" in the comments thread.

Great song, better video

NOFX-Seeing Double at the Triple Rock

Star Trek on Campus

Star Trek actor George Takai (Sulu) apparently joined up with Soulforce Equality Riders when they visited Minneapolis' own North Central University in some sort of protest involving people being upset that Christian universities think homosexuality is a sin. Soulforce made a visit to Bethel, and dear god, if I were still there and had seen Sulu marching in with an army of homosexuals, I would have joined them in a second...

4-20

In honor of this stoner holiday I would like everyone to take a few minutes out of your day to reflect on how much hippies suck. We all know they do...those patchouli wearing assholes.
If you need help with you meditation go here or here.

PS. Earliest post ever...

want to win us a bowling alley?

Ok so Craig Christ sent this my way and at first glance it looks to be a really good deal. Buy a Bowling Alley/Restaurant for $250.00! What could be better then that? Well, truth be told, it actually isn't all that great a deal. If you read the fine print you have to enter a tournament of at least 600 people, basically the owners are selling the place for $150,000.00. You also have to have a USBC or ABC/WIBC average, I am guessing that is over 200 and you have to have had it for the past 3 years. So that takes Sam, Dan and Myself out of the race. I am wondering if there are any pro bowlers out there that might want to enter in Bitches on Boats place? I think we could agree upon some extra amount you would receive if you win us the alley. Please leave us a comment if you are interested.

UPDATE: I went and took a look at the bowling alleys webpage and it looks like they are leaving everything in the bowling alley and kitchen. Here is a list of what comes with the Alley:

6 Brunswick A-2 bowling machines
Bowling pins
Wood lanes
Above-ground ball returns
Manual scoring
Rental shoes
House balls
Pro-shop equipment (drill, scale, etc)
Century 100 oiling machine
Lane maintenance equipment
Huge variety of spare parts
Rock-n-Bowl lighting
Cash register
Front counter
Office desk, filing cabinets, etc.
27-inch color TV
Neon “Open” sign

That list makes me really want this thing, even if it is in ND.

bunnies rock

Reservoir Dogs in 30 seconds and acted out by bunnies. This is pretty damn funny.
There are a bunch of movies acted out by bunnies. I like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre one and the Shining a lot. All of them here.

Guitar Hero II

This is the best news I've ever heard in my life. I knew it had to happen, but hearing it announced and reading details makes it even better.

Consenting epidermal vampirism

Animals are weird, aren't they? This worm-like amphibian allows its children to tear off and eat a layer of its own skin. If humans were to use this method of nutrient supply, I would have no problem with mothers feeding their children in public. Instead of the awkward, I’m covering myself up with a blanket, but you all know what I’m doing look, we’d get to watch as babies crawled all over their mother, nibbling away at her face while she sits, looking around, smiling, like, "What? This is normal. It's my right to feed my child in public" as a piece of nutrient-filled flesh dangles from between the child's lips. A beautiful thought indeed.

Stardust Casting

The wall of people-who-have-been-cast in Stardust at Pinewood now includes Mr Peter O'Toole, Miss Billie Whitelaw and Mr Ricky Gervais.

That makes me so happy, and it's true because it's straight from Gaiman's journal. Besides those people being awesome, it's in addition to the cast that already includes De Niro, Claire Danes, and Michelle Pfieffer. 2007 is going to be the year of the Gaiman films.

every time I try to get out they pull me back in

Big time mob boss was caught in Sicily after 60+ years and the run. He was near "a farmhouse near Corleone, the hilltop town made famous by Mario Puzo's Godfather novels." I love this article, which might be because all I've done in the last month is watch the Sopranos...
I hope he beats those bitch cops and gets out of it...like Junior

1st good post of the month

I might be a bitch but I have been saving myself for something truly great...unlike you whores who will post about the first things you see with no regard for quality or VDs.
So here is McSweeney's article about Bon Jovi and how he is wanted...wanted dead or alive. Its damn funny. Read it.

PS-I really do love you guys posts in just a bitter crabby old bastard sitting on my porch with a jug of moonshine and a shotgun waiting to shoot the first punk that walks on my grass...well minus the old.

second person to post in the 4 month

So with this post I leave Sam in the dirt as the only bitch not to post during the month of April. And now you are wondering if I actually have anything to say or if this is just to make Sam look like a douche, and the answer is I do have some pretty big news. Jerome Bettis, aka 'The Bus', will be the first person inducted into the Celebrities Bowling Hall of Fame. I guess the guy does a lot for the sport of bowling and he's also not to bad at it from what I hear. He's bowled a 300 game and maintains an above 200 average. Congrats Bus.

Fluff-Brained Bear gets Star

Sure, he's stuffed with fluff, a little short on brains, and has an unhealthy obsession with honey, but, goddamnit, he's a celebrity, and he deserves his own star. Yes, that's right, Winnie the Pooh has now received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Eeyore, apparently, is still depressed about it, and declined to comment when reporters approached his recently destroyed $15 million dollar mansion made entirely out of branches. Tigger is the main suspect for causing the wreckage as eye witnesses claim he was bouncing out of control whilst chugging a bottle of Ketel One.

Where has all the blogging gone?

I can always count on Lore Sjöberg to kick me back into blogging. I read his column religiously (and by that I mean every Wednesday when they are published), and some of them are great, some are okay, and some are bleh. I’m not exactly sure where this one sits. It’s not that funny, but it is poignant. It’s about the portable storage space of the walking man. I find this to be a huge issue. I don’t even have that much stuff on me, but if I want to go out and have my cigarettes, my cell phone, keys, lighter, wallet, where the hell am I going to put it? In the winter, fine, I’ve got my coat. But in the summer, while I’m sauntering down the sidewalk in my tight jeans that can barely hold a normal sized lighter, where the hell am I going to put everything? He has options, but there really is only one solution: a bandolier.

It all makes sense now + I'm creepy

There was a preview for the Thursday episode of The Loop in which Adam Brody plays a bit part. And I think, awesome, I'm a big fan/have a crush on Adam Brody. Then I find out that the lead, Bret Harrison, also played a bit part on The O.C. (I think he was the "Big Comedy" guy). It turns that if you go back even further, they were both on the horrible MTV show Undressed. Stranger still, they're roommates. He's even playing a character called "Best Friend" in the movie In The Land of Women, which stars Adam Brody. They're also co-producers of a new Revenge of the Nerds film. This strange world of television is starting to make sense. And, yes, I am an imdb stalker.

O.C. PS: If ol' imdb is reliable, Anna's coming back next week's episode.

B[ow]log: Sebulski's Last Stand

Last night was our final league night. They replaced serious competition and paying with moonlight bowling and giving money away instead of taking it. When money is involved, and there is a specific way of getting that money, all else goes to shit. (Side note: you got a $1 for a strike with a colored pin anywhere, $5 if the head pin was one of them, and then more if for more complex set ups.) We no longer cared about our scores. We just wanted strikes. After that one pin swayed to and fro at the end of the lane, we would just throw our arms in the air, mutter profanities, and then lackadaisically roll the ball somewhat in the correct direction. They also replaced the one pizza per team with a huge buffet of salad, chicken wings, pizza, and meatballs. And, dear god, I’m not sure if it was the shot of SoCo we had at Sam’s for our pre-game warm up, but those meatballs were some of the best things I’ve ever eaten. (Thinking about this now, it was probably the SoCo.)

So: how did we do? I haven’t a damn clue what our scores were. I do know that I won the most money in our group, pulling in $9. Sam won a few dollars, and I honestly can’t remember if Ciggy won any.

Highlights: Before we knew that bowling was free, I had attempted to get cash out of the ATM. It was out of order. In a rush of energy, I ran outside, darted across hwy 10, stepping in large puddles of mud, dodging traffic, and while I’m there, pulling $40 out of the machine, my phone rings. I answer it. It’s Sam. This is what he says: “Hey shithead, bowling’s free, you didn’t need to go over there…shithead.”

BBH: the machine was fucked. All of the high scores had been reset and you couldn’t shoot shit if it was at the edges of the screen. The gun fired blanks and it was hardly fun (for me, I didn’t win). In our usual order of ranking, Cigs won, Sam second, me last.

Highlights: I somehow managed to spill my beer all over the floor.