God, what's his face? Built like a beanpole, curly hair, runs away like a little bitch on a sailboat leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend who cried and cried over him till the Fourth of July when she decided she doesn't cry over BITCHES ON BOATS
Apparently, even celestial orbs like to party. Astronomers have found a stream of alcohol gas 288 million miles long. Where, you ask? (Besides space you sarcastic jerk.) The article clarifies this:It was seen in the constellation of Cassiopeia, in a region where hot, young stars are forming.
That's where I want to party, with the hot, young stars.
Posted by diedan on 6.4.06 |
Slither is a genre-fan specific movie. I believe that the general population would not enjoy this movie, nor would they consider it a “good movie.” But I think I may be outdated in saying that. There has been a trend in films since Halloween of 2004 that leads me to believe in the wider acceptance of even sub-sub-genre specific horror films; that trend is to release a new horror flick every single weekend. Most of them are terrible; some are okay; even fewer are great. What this accomplishes is a larger exposure of horror films to the general public and a more viable market for them to be made. Higher volume does not always yield higher quality, but if the ratio of bad:good horror films is the same, this means more well-made horror films.
This is generally speaking. Slither does not fit into the catch-all, gore-fest horror film. As with a movie like Hostel, which was specifically created for fans of the exploitation sub-genre, Slither was created for fans of the B-horror-comedy (see Evil Dead series, Phantasm, Bubba Ho-tep, and many others). If you enjoy those movies and are a fan of the genre, then see Slither. If you enjoy comedy and gore intertwined, then see Slither.
Here’s why: Nathan Fillion (of Firefly/Serenity) is the new Bruce Campbell. Sure, he doesn’t have the zany slapstick exploits of Campbell in Evil Dead II, but no one else can deliver one-liners like him. Taken as pure text, the writing would be absolute drivel. Cast Fillion and have him say those words, then you have something fantastic and hilarious. And, as the trend demands, there are countless allusions to previous horror films. I only picked up on a few, but I’m sure that someone more well versed would find the entire movie packed with even more hilarity than I found.
As the time draws nearer to the cultural phenomenon known as Snakes on a Plane, wired looks back at some of the internet antics that have helped further the cause and the revolution of SoaP. I really enjoy the snakes in first class poster. Or: "prepare to be scared like a little goddamn bitch." Classy.
Where to begin? I’ll just lay it on the line. Ciggy got his all-time high score with a 254; I got my all-time high score with a 213. He bowled two quadruple strike sets; I bowled two turkeys and one quad. He beat me for overall pin total by 7 pins despite the fact that I had two 170 games, a 189, a 197, and my 213. We both finished with 168 averages (we were only apart by fractions of points).
Sam enjoyed splits, and this wore off on the rest of us, so at one point, we had 8 splits within 3 frames. Craig would bowl for a while, then stop and throw it wildly, then bowl, then stop, then fall on his ass.
Highlight: I threw my ball backward…again. Seriously, I’ve done this 3 times within the past 6 months, and they still think it’s hilarious, but it’s oddly becoming normal; so, I just picked it up and got the spare without being too fazed.
BBH: Hardest region. Sam and Cigs played it out for first and second (Cigs won). Early on, Craig and I settled into third and fourth place (he was last).
We only have one more week of league bowling. Before last night, we were tied for third, but our chances for holding onto third position for the final were dashed when we played the best team in the league. After they had two 200 games and one 199 game, we finished with only one win and were very far from getting overall pin total. We started out all right. Ciggy and I both had 150 games (I beat him by a pin) and Sam was somewhere a bit lower. Our second game, the other team fell apart, Sam and I had 150 games (I beat him by two pins), and Ciggy was somewhere a bit lower. Our third game, we all fell apart and had games scattered in the 130s and thereabouts.
Highlights: Sam picked up a 5-7 split and we ate all of our pizza.
BBH: Wasn’t there; I have no idea.
The book by Maddox is now available for pre-order on amazon, it is titled "The Alphabet of Manliness. This book is "so manly that even its sentences don't have periods". Somehow it made it to number 2 on the amazon book list. This looks awesome and I will pre-order it. It's only 10 bucks for a 200 page hardcover book.
Here is the description on amazon-
"a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved: The Alphabet of Manliness. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history." "If you can’t handle the punch to the colon I’m about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you’ll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already."
To read more go to the books homepage.
My first three hours of Kingdom Hearts II were full of mixed feelings. I just began playing with Sora. For the introduction, you play as a character named Roxas, going through elementary tutorial like activities that require a 10-year old's skill to complete and it takes about 45-60 minutes to actually start moving freely in the field. The story is extremely confusing (most likely because I haven't played the GBA Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories game, after which this directly follows). However, and this is a big however, the game is fun as hell and I'm addicted to it. I'm not sure if it's the sheer anticipation of making it to the awesomely rendered worlds of Disney (oh god how I want to play the Tron level), or the basic thrill of mashing on X and crushing entire armies of evil characters. The graphics are fantastic and my ancipation is very high to pair up with Jack Sparrow (voiced by Depp) and kick some ass or summon Chicken Little, listen to the serene voice of Zach Braff, and throw shit at people (seriously, that's what he does).
Geek out.
Posted by diedan on 30.3.06 |
Labels: Videogames
Just to boost your faith in humanity and the intense speed with which we are moving forward in our evolution, here's an article about how a lot of people thought a solar eclipse was a religious phenomenon. I, for one, am glad that we've reached the point where we don't need to rely on falty science to explain our world, but instead can look to abstract notions and whimsical deities for our explanations. Logos be damned; embrace the mythos!
Posted by diedan on 29.3.06 |
Zombies are back from the dead. They are once again the fad in the media. Table about it.
One of our favorite men ever, Christopher Walken is going to iron in a new movie "Balls of Fury". He plays a ping pong fan/evil crime lord named Fang. The movie-as far as I can tell-is all about Fang's evil underground tournament.
I miss the western, it was been a long time since a really wheel western came out (Serenity doesn't count). The Proposition is a new Guy Pearce movie writen by Nick Cave. It is a western movie set in the Australian outback. Comes backpack May 5th. Watch trailer here.
Shia LaBeouf, who played Chas Kramer in Constantine, cup been cast for the role of Sam in the new Transformers movie. I'm glad they have started casting on this. I hope this movie fulfills all my wildest dreams...next G.I. Joes meet Transformers...
Did you watch Scrubs and Boston Legal last night? If you awnsers not "zebra" your a douche and you missed out.
Zap 2 It made a list of 38 movies that coming out this year. It's nice to see a list like this. It reminds you that there are things to look forward to. I can't wait to see #25...if for no other reason the 2 people in the picture. #21 is also one that I forgot about.
The Promise- It looks like a mix between a Final Fantasy and a Dynasty Warriors, but a kick ass movie.
Little Miss Sunshine-Looks awesome. It will be good to see Steve Carell do something a little different.
American Gun- This looks pretty good. Sadie (Nikki Reed) is in it...damn Ashland...
Art School Confidential-Amazing. Directed by Terry Zwigoff (Crumb, Ghost World) with John Malkovich, Anjelica Huston, and the token fat guy. All about the art douches.
It was announced recently that the Nintendo Revolution (a machine I am considering purchasing more and more) will be able to play old Sega Genesis and Turbo Grafx 16 games. It's already been announced that it will be able to download old NES, SNES, and N64 games. The machine doesn't have the hardware, but dear god will it have the games. Golden Axe, here I come.
Posted by diedan on 24.3.06 |
Labels: Videogames
Because of the huge internet cult following Snakes on a Plane already has, they reshot some of the film to get it an R-rating. According to imdb, this line is apparently going to be a cult line:
"I want these motherf**king snakes off the motherf**king plane!"Let's see if we can help in making that line go down in history.
This tortoise was approximately 250 years old when he died recently. Let's hope Shatner can live that long.
R.I.P. old fellow, R.I.P.
Posted by diedan on 23.3.06 |
More ANTM: Surprisingly, Jade wasn’t more of a bitch (or at least the way in which the show was edited didn’t seem to insinuate that she was). She won the challenge, which was quite cool. They had to dress up in some avant garde designers clothes, hold a cockroach (that was bedazzled with jewels), and walk down the catwalk. Pretty cool stuff. The photo shoot was them dressing up as fairy tale characters and then take a photo while falling. Mollie Sue, still my favorite, really needs to step it up to keep in the running. They kicked off blow job girl (god her lips are huge) instead of the annoying Asian girl. Now I hate the judges.
I actually watched Heist, because, well, there wasn’t anything else on. I don’t know about the rest of you, but a kid blowing up in the first 10 minutes is pretty awesome. The characters are enjoyable, they’ve already thrown in a lot of backstory. The biggest potential problem is if they go the way of Prison Break and forget that it’s supposed to be full of action and not soap opera pacing. I still think the show should be called Cops & Robbers.
Sure, we all saw the commercial during the Super Bowl, and we all laughed at the seemingly absurd 5 blades. But, as a good consumer (as I think I am), I was intrigued. I have been a long time user of the Gillette Mach 3, but for as long as I have been shaving (shortly after being ejected from my mother's womb), I've always had issues with razor burn and that horrible red marked neck. So, I think, it's a few dollars more, but wouldn't it be worth it if I didn't have to walk around with an annoying red face that is also smooth, but instead just a smooth face. I balance the costs, and I buy the thing for a test run. Dear god am I happy. At first, the sensation is strange...the closely knit five blades hit my face with what I mistake with tugging, destroying my face...instead, I am experiencing the fantastic sensation of a smooth and delightful shave. The typical three stokes it usually takes to rid a spot of scruff is now replaced with one continuous motion. I perfect my side burns with the blade on the reverse side. Normally, I am not one to tout my opinions on various hygiene products, but hot damn am I happy with selling out to the five blade revolution.
Posted by diedan on 22.3.06 |
Despite my better judgment, I caught the repeat of ANTM yesterday. Even though I can’t stand most of the contestants, I still think the show is hilariously melodramatic. Take Jade, for example: she’s whining insecure bitch, but flaunts herself like she’s extremely confident and knows everything there is to know about modeling. The judges, thank god, made her one of the last two, which will hopefully put her in her place. My guess is that she’ll just get more bitchy. I mean, she was bitching at the girl who was just part of the whole hurricane Katrina debacle for using the phone too much, talking to her parents. The hurricane Katrina girl, by the way, got kicked off.
Scrubs is still fantastic. There were so many good lines and jokes, the only one that sticks out is when Turk and his wife were in counseling.
Counselor: “How many times are you having sex?”
Turk: “Twice today”
Carla: “Three times.”
Turk: “Huh?”
Carla: “You were sleeping for the last one.”
Turk: “Oh, so that was real. I was wondering why you were in one of my sex dreams.”
Carla: “He’s not allowed to dream about us having sex.”
Turk: “Yeah, it gets freaky in there…cirque de sole freaky. One time, she was skinless.”
My childhood friend Nate made this movie. You should go watch the trailer here. Looks like he did a pretty good job. I'm impressed.
Think of 'The Darkness' and how they are a kind of tribute to hair-metal. Now take out the hair part of that and add speed, but keep the vocals. If you can picture that then you have just tasted the greatness that is '3 Inches of Blood'. I was introduced to these gods of metal this past weekend by my good man mr. jimmy o. On our way to the bar, after wes & lydia's reception, we sat up against his car as the metal rocked the world. It felt like we were in highschool, standing in the parking lot after class, blasting music, trying to pick up chicks, and failing. But damn did it feel good. I wish they had these guys on guitar hero, oh well, I will just have to play air-guitar in my underwear as I get ready for work in the morning. Check out the video of the week to see if you can handle The Metal.
Posted by bmo on 21.3.06 |