Kelly vs Coppola vs Linklater vs...

Reading this just makes me more excited for Richard Kelly's new movie, Southland Tales. It's a partial list of the films competing for the Palme d'Or prize in Cannes this year. Marie-Antoinette, Fast Food Nation, and (Sam'll love this) Pan's Labrynth are all in the mix as well. The trailer made it look like a cool, but schlocky Uwe Boll type movie, but this has me thinking that it has a lot more potential. I'll wait for an "I told you so" in the comments thread.

Great song, better video

NOFX-Seeing Double at the Triple Rock

Star Trek on Campus

Star Trek actor George Takai (Sulu) apparently joined up with Soulforce Equality Riders when they visited Minneapolis' own North Central University in some sort of protest involving people being upset that Christian universities think homosexuality is a sin. Soulforce made a visit to Bethel, and dear god, if I were still there and had seen Sulu marching in with an army of homosexuals, I would have joined them in a second...

4-20

In honor of this stoner holiday I would like everyone to take a few minutes out of your day to reflect on how much hippies suck. We all know they do...those patchouli wearing assholes.
If you need help with you meditation go here or here.

PS. Earliest post ever...

want to win us a bowling alley?

Ok so Craig Christ sent this my way and at first glance it looks to be a really good deal. Buy a Bowling Alley/Restaurant for $250.00! What could be better then that? Well, truth be told, it actually isn't all that great a deal. If you read the fine print you have to enter a tournament of at least 600 people, basically the owners are selling the place for $150,000.00. You also have to have a USBC or ABC/WIBC average, I am guessing that is over 200 and you have to have had it for the past 3 years. So that takes Sam, Dan and Myself out of the race. I am wondering if there are any pro bowlers out there that might want to enter in Bitches on Boats place? I think we could agree upon some extra amount you would receive if you win us the alley. Please leave us a comment if you are interested.

UPDATE: I went and took a look at the bowling alleys webpage and it looks like they are leaving everything in the bowling alley and kitchen. Here is a list of what comes with the Alley:

6 Brunswick A-2 bowling machines
Bowling pins
Wood lanes
Above-ground ball returns
Manual scoring
Rental shoes
House balls
Pro-shop equipment (drill, scale, etc)
Century 100 oiling machine
Lane maintenance equipment
Huge variety of spare parts
Rock-n-Bowl lighting
Cash register
Front counter
Office desk, filing cabinets, etc.
27-inch color TV
Neon “Open” sign

That list makes me really want this thing, even if it is in ND.

bunnies rock

Reservoir Dogs in 30 seconds and acted out by bunnies. This is pretty damn funny.
There are a bunch of movies acted out by bunnies. I like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre one and the Shining a lot. All of them here.

Guitar Hero II

This is the best news I've ever heard in my life. I knew it had to happen, but hearing it announced and reading details makes it even better.

Consenting epidermal vampirism

Animals are weird, aren't they? This worm-like amphibian allows its children to tear off and eat a layer of its own skin. If humans were to use this method of nutrient supply, I would have no problem with mothers feeding their children in public. Instead of the awkward, I’m covering myself up with a blanket, but you all know what I’m doing look, we’d get to watch as babies crawled all over their mother, nibbling away at her face while she sits, looking around, smiling, like, "What? This is normal. It's my right to feed my child in public" as a piece of nutrient-filled flesh dangles from between the child's lips. A beautiful thought indeed.

Stardust Casting

The wall of people-who-have-been-cast in Stardust at Pinewood now includes Mr Peter O'Toole, Miss Billie Whitelaw and Mr Ricky Gervais.

That makes me so happy, and it's true because it's straight from Gaiman's journal. Besides those people being awesome, it's in addition to the cast that already includes De Niro, Claire Danes, and Michelle Pfieffer. 2007 is going to be the year of the Gaiman films.

every time I try to get out they pull me back in

Big time mob boss was caught in Sicily after 60+ years and the run. He was near "a farmhouse near Corleone, the hilltop town made famous by Mario Puzo's Godfather novels." I love this article, which might be because all I've done in the last month is watch the Sopranos...
I hope he beats those bitch cops and gets out of it...like Junior

1st good post of the month

I might be a bitch but I have been saving myself for something truly great...unlike you whores who will post about the first things you see with no regard for quality or VDs.
So here is McSweeney's article about Bon Jovi and how he is wanted...wanted dead or alive. Its damn funny. Read it.

PS-I really do love you guys posts in just a bitter crabby old bastard sitting on my porch with a jug of moonshine and a shotgun waiting to shoot the first punk that walks on my grass...well minus the old.

second person to post in the 4 month

So with this post I leave Sam in the dirt as the only bitch not to post during the month of April. And now you are wondering if I actually have anything to say or if this is just to make Sam look like a douche, and the answer is I do have some pretty big news. Jerome Bettis, aka 'The Bus', will be the first person inducted into the Celebrities Bowling Hall of Fame. I guess the guy does a lot for the sport of bowling and he's also not to bad at it from what I hear. He's bowled a 300 game and maintains an above 200 average. Congrats Bus.

Fluff-Brained Bear gets Star

Sure, he's stuffed with fluff, a little short on brains, and has an unhealthy obsession with honey, but, goddamnit, he's a celebrity, and he deserves his own star. Yes, that's right, Winnie the Pooh has now received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Eeyore, apparently, is still depressed about it, and declined to comment when reporters approached his recently destroyed $15 million dollar mansion made entirely out of branches. Tigger is the main suspect for causing the wreckage as eye witnesses claim he was bouncing out of control whilst chugging a bottle of Ketel One.

Where has all the blogging gone?

I can always count on Lore Sjöberg to kick me back into blogging. I read his column religiously (and by that I mean every Wednesday when they are published), and some of them are great, some are okay, and some are bleh. I’m not exactly sure where this one sits. It’s not that funny, but it is poignant. It’s about the portable storage space of the walking man. I find this to be a huge issue. I don’t even have that much stuff on me, but if I want to go out and have my cigarettes, my cell phone, keys, lighter, wallet, where the hell am I going to put it? In the winter, fine, I’ve got my coat. But in the summer, while I’m sauntering down the sidewalk in my tight jeans that can barely hold a normal sized lighter, where the hell am I going to put everything? He has options, but there really is only one solution: a bandolier.

It all makes sense now + I'm creepy

There was a preview for the Thursday episode of The Loop in which Adam Brody plays a bit part. And I think, awesome, I'm a big fan/have a crush on Adam Brody. Then I find out that the lead, Bret Harrison, also played a bit part on The O.C. (I think he was the "Big Comedy" guy). It turns that if you go back even further, they were both on the horrible MTV show Undressed. Stranger still, they're roommates. He's even playing a character called "Best Friend" in the movie In The Land of Women, which stars Adam Brody. They're also co-producers of a new Revenge of the Nerds film. This strange world of television is starting to make sense. And, yes, I am an imdb stalker.

O.C. PS: If ol' imdb is reliable, Anna's coming back next week's episode.

B[ow]log: Sebulski's Last Stand

Last night was our final league night. They replaced serious competition and paying with moonlight bowling and giving money away instead of taking it. When money is involved, and there is a specific way of getting that money, all else goes to shit. (Side note: you got a $1 for a strike with a colored pin anywhere, $5 if the head pin was one of them, and then more if for more complex set ups.) We no longer cared about our scores. We just wanted strikes. After that one pin swayed to and fro at the end of the lane, we would just throw our arms in the air, mutter profanities, and then lackadaisically roll the ball somewhat in the correct direction. They also replaced the one pizza per team with a huge buffet of salad, chicken wings, pizza, and meatballs. And, dear god, I’m not sure if it was the shot of SoCo we had at Sam’s for our pre-game warm up, but those meatballs were some of the best things I’ve ever eaten. (Thinking about this now, it was probably the SoCo.)

So: how did we do? I haven’t a damn clue what our scores were. I do know that I won the most money in our group, pulling in $9. Sam won a few dollars, and I honestly can’t remember if Ciggy won any.

Highlights: Before we knew that bowling was free, I had attempted to get cash out of the ATM. It was out of order. In a rush of energy, I ran outside, darted across hwy 10, stepping in large puddles of mud, dodging traffic, and while I’m there, pulling $40 out of the machine, my phone rings. I answer it. It’s Sam. This is what he says: “Hey shithead, bowling’s free, you didn’t need to go over there…shithead.”

BBH: the machine was fucked. All of the high scores had been reset and you couldn’t shoot shit if it was at the edges of the screen. The gun fired blanks and it was hardly fun (for me, I didn’t win). In our usual order of ranking, Cigs won, Sam second, me last.

Highlights: I somehow managed to spill my beer all over the floor.

Partying with the stars

Apparently, even celestial orbs like to party. Astronomers have found a stream of alcohol gas 288 million miles long. Where, you ask? (Besides space you sarcastic jerk.) The article clarifies this:

It was seen in the constellation of Cassiopeia, in a region where hot, young stars are forming.

That's where I want to party, with the hot, young stars.

Disjointed Slither Review

Slither is a genre-fan specific movie. I believe that the general population would not enjoy this movie, nor would they consider it a “good movie.” But I think I may be outdated in saying that. There has been a trend in films since Halloween of 2004 that leads me to believe in the wider acceptance of even sub-sub-genre specific horror films; that trend is to release a new horror flick every single weekend. Most of them are terrible; some are okay; even fewer are great. What this accomplishes is a larger exposure of horror films to the general public and a more viable market for them to be made. Higher volume does not always yield higher quality, but if the ratio of bad:good horror films is the same, this means more well-made horror films.

This is generally speaking. Slither does not fit into the catch-all, gore-fest horror film. As with a movie like Hostel, which was specifically created for fans of the exploitation sub-genre, Slither was created for fans of the B-horror-comedy (see Evil Dead series, Phantasm, Bubba Ho-tep, and many others). If you enjoy those movies and are a fan of the genre, then see Slither. If you enjoy comedy and gore intertwined, then see Slither.

Here’s why: Nathan Fillion (of Firefly/Serenity) is the new Bruce Campbell. Sure, he doesn’t have the zany slapstick exploits of Campbell in Evil Dead II, but no one else can deliver one-liners like him. Taken as pure text, the writing would be absolute drivel. Cast Fillion and have him say those words, then you have something fantastic and hilarious. And, as the trend demands, there are countless allusions to previous horror films. I only picked up on a few, but I’m sure that someone more well versed would find the entire movie packed with even more hilarity than I found.

SoaP: the memories

As the time draws nearer to the cultural phenomenon known as Snakes on a Plane, wired looks back at some of the internet antics that have helped further the cause and the revolution of SoaP. I really enjoy the snakes in first class poster. Or: "prepare to be scared like a little goddamn bitch." Classy.

B[ow]log v2.54

Where to begin? I’ll just lay it on the line. Ciggy got his all-time high score with a 254; I got my all-time high score with a 213. He bowled two quadruple strike sets; I bowled two turkeys and one quad. He beat me for overall pin total by 7 pins despite the fact that I had two 170 games, a 189, a 197, and my 213. We both finished with 168 averages (we were only apart by fractions of points).

Sam enjoyed splits, and this wore off on the rest of us, so at one point, we had 8 splits within 3 frames. Craig would bowl for a while, then stop and throw it wildly, then bowl, then stop, then fall on his ass.

Highlight: I threw my ball backward…again. Seriously, I’ve done this 3 times within the past 6 months, and they still think it’s hilarious, but it’s oddly becoming normal; so, I just picked it up and got the spare without being too fazed.

BBH: Hardest region. Sam and Cigs played it out for first and second (Cigs won). Early on, Craig and I settled into third and fourth place (he was last).

B[ow]log: one more week of Sebulski

We only have one more week of league bowling. Before last night, we were tied for third, but our chances for holding onto third position for the final were dashed when we played the best team in the league. After they had two 200 games and one 199 game, we finished with only one win and were very far from getting overall pin total. We started out all right. Ciggy and I both had 150 games (I beat him by a pin) and Sam was somewhere a bit lower. Our second game, the other team fell apart, Sam and I had 150 games (I beat him by two pins), and Ciggy was somewhere a bit lower. Our third game, we all fell apart and had games scattered in the 130s and thereabouts.

Highlights: Sam picked up a 5-7 split and we ate all of our pizza.

BBH: Wasn’t there; I have no idea.

"A" is for Ass Kicking, "B" is for Boners, "C" is for "Copping a Feel

The book by Maddox is now available for pre-order on amazon, it is titled "The Alphabet of Manliness. This book is "so manly that even its sentences don't have periods". Somehow it made it to number 2 on the amazon book list. This looks awesome and I will pre-order it. It's only 10 bucks for a 200 page hardcover book.
Here is the description on amazon-
"a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved: The Alphabet of Manliness. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history." "If you can’t handle the punch to the colon I’m about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you’ll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already."
To read more go to the books homepage.

KH2: Intro Review

My first three hours of Kingdom Hearts II were full of mixed feelings. I just began playing with Sora. For the introduction, you play as a character named Roxas, going through elementary tutorial like activities that require a 10-year old's skill to complete and it takes about 45-60 minutes to actually start moving freely in the field. The story is extremely confusing (most likely because I haven't played the GBA Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories game, after which this directly follows). However, and this is a big however, the game is fun as hell and I'm addicted to it. I'm not sure if it's the sheer anticipation of making it to the awesomely rendered worlds of Disney (oh god how I want to play the Tron level), or the basic thrill of mashing on X and crushing entire armies of evil characters. The graphics are fantastic and my ancipation is very high to pair up with Jack Sparrow (voiced by Depp) and kick some ass or summon Chicken Little, listen to the serene voice of Zach Braff, and throw shit at people (seriously, that's what he does).

Geek out.

Science = Religion

Just to boost your faith in humanity and the intense speed with which we are moving forward in our evolution, here's an article about how a lot of people thought a solar eclipse was a religious phenomenon. I, for one, am glad that we've reached the point where we don't need to rely on falty science to explain our world, but instead can look to abstract notions and whimsical deities for our explanations. Logos be damned; embrace the mythos!

Word Salad

Zombies are back from the dead. They are once again the fad in the media. Table about it.

One of our favorite men ever, Christopher Walken is going to iron in a new movie "Balls of Fury". He plays a ping pong fan/evil crime lord named Fang. The movie-as far as I can tell-is all about Fang's evil underground tournament.

I miss the western, it was been a long time since a really wheel western came out (Serenity doesn't count). The Proposition is a new Guy Pearce movie writen by Nick Cave. It is a western movie set in the Australian outback. Comes backpack May 5th. Watch trailer here.

Shia LaBeouf, who played Chas Kramer in Constantine, cup been cast for the role of Sam in the new Transformers movie. I'm glad they have started casting on this. I hope this movie fulfills all my wildest dreams...next G.I. Joes meet Transformers...

Did you watch Scrubs and Boston Legal last night? If you awnsers not "zebra" your a douche and you missed out.

Movies to come

Zap 2 It made a list of 38 movies that coming out this year. It's nice to see a list like this. It reminds you that there are things to look forward to. I can't wait to see #25...if for no other reason the 2 people in the picture. #21 is also one that I forgot about.

Apple Trailer Day

The Promise- It looks like a mix between a Final Fantasy and a Dynasty Warriors, but a kick ass movie.

Little Miss Sunshine-Looks awesome. It will be good to see Steve Carell do something a little different.

American Gun- This looks pretty good. Sadie (Nikki Reed) is in it...damn Ashland...

Art School Confidential-Amazing. Directed by Terry Zwigoff (Crumb, Ghost World) with John Malkovich, Anjelica Huston, and the token fat guy. All about the art douches.

Mario & Sonic sitting in a tree...

It was announced recently that the Nintendo Revolution (a machine I am considering purchasing more and more) will be able to play old Sega Genesis and Turbo Grafx 16 games. It's already been announced that it will be able to download old NES, SNES, and N64 games. The machine doesn't have the hardware, but dear god will it have the games. Golden Axe, here I come.

Snakes on a Motherf**king Plane

Because of the huge internet cult following Snakes on a Plane already has, they reshot some of the film to get it an R-rating. According to imdb, this line is apparently going to be a cult line:

"I want these motherf**king snakes off the motherf**king plane!"

Let's see if we can help in making that line go down in history.

Also: I have more in common with Werner Herzog than I thought. He loves Christian Bale. But he probably loves him in less of a homoerotic way than I do.

Oldest tortoise = Dead

This tortoise was approximately 250 years old when he died recently. Let's hope Shatner can live that long.

R.I.P. old fellow, R.I.P.

Cops & Robbers & Models

More ANTM: Surprisingly, Jade wasn’t more of a bitch (or at least the way in which the show was edited didn’t seem to insinuate that she was). She won the challenge, which was quite cool. They had to dress up in some avant garde designers clothes, hold a cockroach (that was bedazzled with jewels), and walk down the catwalk. Pretty cool stuff. The photo shoot was them dressing up as fairy tale characters and then take a photo while falling. Mollie Sue, still my favorite, really needs to step it up to keep in the running. They kicked off blow job girl (god her lips are huge) instead of the annoying Asian girl. Now I hate the judges.

I actually watched Heist, because, well, there wasn’t anything else on. I don’t know about the rest of you, but a kid blowing up in the first 10 minutes is pretty awesome. The characters are enjoyable, they’ve already thrown in a lot of backstory. The biggest potential problem is if they go the way of Prison Break and forget that it’s supposed to be full of action and not soap opera pacing. I still think the show should be called Cops & Robbers.

Gillette Fusion: 5 blades, 5 stars

Sure, we all saw the commercial during the Super Bowl, and we all laughed at the seemingly absurd 5 blades. But, as a good consumer (as I think I am), I was intrigued. I have been a long time user of the Gillette Mach 3, but for as long as I have been shaving (shortly after being ejected from my mother's womb), I've always had issues with razor burn and that horrible red marked neck. So, I think, it's a few dollars more, but wouldn't it be worth it if I didn't have to walk around with an annoying red face that is also smooth, but instead just a smooth face. I balance the costs, and I buy the thing for a test run. Dear god am I happy. At first, the sensation is strange...the closely knit five blades hit my face with what I mistake with tugging, destroying my face...instead, I am experiencing the fantastic sensation of a smooth and delightful shave. The typical three stokes it usually takes to rid a spot of scruff is now replaced with one continuous motion. I perfect my side burns with the blade on the reverse side. Normally, I am not one to tout my opinions on various hygiene products, but hot damn am I happy with selling out to the five blade revolution.

Cirque de Sole freaky

Despite my better judgment, I caught the repeat of ANTM yesterday. Even though I can’t stand most of the contestants, I still think the show is hilariously melodramatic. Take Jade, for example: she’s whining insecure bitch, but flaunts herself like she’s extremely confident and knows everything there is to know about modeling. The judges, thank god, made her one of the last two, which will hopefully put her in her place. My guess is that she’ll just get more bitchy. I mean, she was bitching at the girl who was just part of the whole hurricane Katrina debacle for using the phone too much, talking to her parents. The hurricane Katrina girl, by the way, got kicked off.

Scrubs is still fantastic. There were so many good lines and jokes, the only one that sticks out is when Turk and his wife were in counseling.

Counselor: “How many times are you having sex?”
Turk: “Twice today”
Carla: “Three times.”
Turk: “Huh?”
Carla: “You were sleeping for the last one.”
Turk: “Oh, so that was real. I was wondering why you were in one of my sex dreams.”
Carla: “He’s not allowed to dream about us having sex.”
Turk: “Yeah, it gets freaky in there…cirque de sole freaky. One time, she was skinless.”

Wake Up You're Sleeping

My childhood friend Nate made this movie. You should go watch the trailer here. Looks like he did a pretty good job. I'm impressed.

enemies of metal, your death is our reward!

Think of 'The Darkness' and how they are a kind of tribute to hair-metal. Now take out the hair part of that and add speed, but keep the vocals. If you can picture that then you have just tasted the greatness that is '3 Inches of Blood'. I was introduced to these gods of metal this past weekend by my good man mr. jimmy o. On our way to the bar, after wes & lydia's reception, we sat up against his car as the metal rocked the world. It felt like we were in highschool, standing in the parking lot after class, blasting music, trying to pick up chicks, and failing. But damn did it feel good. I wish they had these guys on guitar hero, oh well, I will just have to play air-guitar in my underwear as I get ready for work in the morning. Check out the video of the week to see if you can handle The Metal.

Anna back on The O.C.

I don't know how all three of us missed this.

First Day of Spring B[ow]log

Because it was just Sam and me bowling last night, we got in quite a few games, and I’m only going to cover the highlights. So:

Bowling Highlights: We were pretty close to tied for the amount of doubles, then Sam bowled a turkey. Our highest game was me: 199, Sam: 189. Sam started that game with 5 strikes in a row. Because he was doing so well, I wasn’t paying attention to my score. Suddenly, I had beat him with a fully closed game. Sam picked up a 5-10 split. I picked up the 2-4-10 split twice.

BBH: We didn’t play it because we were at Sam’s place jamming out to some Guitar Hero. Here’s my assessment of playing that game after quite a few drinks: it’s fucking hard. The songs I’m normally good at, I was terrible at. Yet, the fun factor didn’t die out. Also, the songs seem to go really quickly.

Blind B[ow]log

Bowling: For two weeks in a row, we have won all 3 games and overall pin count. Ciggy, unfortunately, couldn't join us at the Mermaid, but via AAWT (Advanced Amish Wireless Technology) in Pennsylvania, he bowled a consistent blind 146 every single game. What really helped, though, was the fact that the guys we bowled against were all wasted. By the end of the night, one of them was having problems standing. So, we didn't really try to hard and got some 150s, some low games, some average games.

BBH: Sam was "not drinking" because he didn't want to bleed all over the tatto shop today. Apparently, Sam is not very good at BBH unless he has been drinking quite a bit. It was a close game right away. I had two perfect streaks in the first trip, and Sam had a four perfect streak. Somehow, he fell apart and started YsaDing.

PS: I'm not waiting for anybody to buy tickets because they go on sale soon and I don't have the cash to buy them for everybody (they're around $40), especially if someone bails on me and we can't find someone to pick up the tickets and suddenly I'm out $40, but there's a Mitch Hedberg tribute on April 30. I plan on buying mine in about 20 minutes.

Update: I bought two tickets and it cost me $94. Stupid Ticketmaster.

MechaGodzilla?

Here is a cool list of 14 exceptionally memorable movie robots.

Here is a great list of the 25 best vertigo books. I love the Preacher at #3 and Sandman at #1.

Assume the position

Kanye West is doing a movie. The movie will have at least 6 writers and 10 directors "each creating their own separate shorts that will intertwine through new and existing West music to create a portrait of the US....Which may or may not involve the President not giving a shit about black people."

The spanking scene from Secretary has been named the sexiest moment on film by a Lovefilm poll. Niiicce...

Beware the Ides of March

For a damn good reason. Sony's officially pushed the release of the PS3 to November. Analyists talk about how this is a really bad move for Sony and the Xbox360 is going to kill them because they'll have been in the market for a year before the PS3 shows up. I personally can't see buying an Xbox360 simply because I have to wait a bit longer for a better machine. Still, it'd be nice to have that machine sooner rather than much, much later. The only real benefit of this is the fact that I can buy it for myself for my birthday, guilt free.

metallagher...

Oh my god Master P had a gun. Who would have guessed?

If anybody knows of a place that has the new BBH P report the siting to me. It came out last tuesday and I am dying to play it. It's going to be amazing.

The Seattle Times has a pretty good interview/article on Chuck Palahniuk. I doesn't really hint at the next book other than the fact that he is working on it and "He's working on his first science-fiction book, which will be masquerading as a nonfiction biography."

If anyone wants to go see stand up comic Doug Stanhope and Metallagher at the Triple Rock on April first let me know. I am going to buy tickets later this week. Its 10 bucks. Doug is funny go to his site and listen...

I hate/love snow + b[ow]log

So, spending 45 minutes in my shitty car only to travel 2 miles is not my idea of a great way to start the week. So, I called work, gave them the news, and now I'm sitting comfortably in my home, drinking coffee, planning on watching movies. Now I'm really confused about how I feel about snow.

Bowling: Dan = off night. My highest game was in the 150s and I had quite a few low games. Still, I managed to land second place in averages. Now, this would make you think that Sam, who was last place in averages had an even more off night than I did. But, you'd be wrong. Sam actually had the high game of 172, but also the low game of unspeakable nature. He also picked up an amazing 7-6 split. Ciggy bowled average the entire night. He had a few 160 games, and cleaned house for averages.

BBH: Dear god was this fun. Right away, the game was tight. Every round, the positions changed. People dropping from first to last by shooting one doe. People rising from last to first by nailing perfect sites. In the end, it all came down to the bonus round of the last trip. The round before, I rose from last place to first place by shooting two bucks (yes, it was that close). I thought I had it in the bag. Ciggy had just shot a perfect bonus round, and I just needed to do the same to keep ahead of him. It was an easy round, but by some force of fate that refused to allow me victory in anything last night, I missed one shot and failed to retain first place.

Saturday Horror News

At first, I wasn't sure what to do with this news. Eli Roth (who is fast becoming one of my favorites after two intelligent yet disgustingly gory horror films) is set to direct a film version of Stephen King's Cell. So, this sounds lame to me until I read the synopsis:

...a throwback to (King's) early apocalyptic horror novels. In a single moment, a pulse sent out through cell phones around the world turns every phone user into a crazed, murderous zombie.

Sounds fantastic. The only problem I have with the entire article is when they quote Bob Weinstein as saying, "And Eli will make it right after he finishes Hostel 2." Lame man, lame. That movie doesn't need a sequel; I'm pretty sure the only reason that Roth is making it is because they would go ahead and do it without him, and then it would be terrible.

Open Links

Wired.com has a fun interview with the creator of the "videogame" Shadow of the Colossus.

I would also recommend going to Neil Gaiman's blog (see sidebar) if you want some information about upcoming movies he's involved with.

B[ow]log

We kicked some definite ass last night. Sure, none of the players from the other team showed up, and we were playing against a blind team (the computer just automatically inserts their averages), but, knowing the vagaries of our success, we could have lost. But, we didn’t. Our first game was fantastic. I finished with the high of the night with a 191, Cigs got a 158, and Sam, a 155. After this, Sam and I both dropped a lot of pins. I dropped to his previous score of 155 and he dropped to the 120s. Ciggy kept his average through the night, pulling a 170 in the second game. Third game, I dropped even more pins to a 129, Sam pulled ahead a bit, and Ciggy decided he would just keep it up and throw a 166.

Disappointments: The team that we were supposed to play against is the most fun team to play in the league. None of us scored turkeys. The guy running the place on Thursdays is a total douche. He was behind the lanes for ten minutes, simply attempting to get our balls unstuck. He always gives up and then moves people to different lanes. Idiot.

BBH: In a total upset, I won the first game. We all pulled over 10,000. In the second game, in another upset, Sam won. Rightfully so too. He shot 10 bucks in the fourth round. 10! That’s insane.

Highlights: We don’t even have to ask for beer anymore. Our bartender just serves them up for us when he sees us. Damn is he cool.

don't get "the bug"

Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary are working on the script for "Black Hole". It sounds like its going to be awesome. Black Hole "follows a group of high school students whose lives are altered drastically when they come in contact with a sexually transmitted disease called the 'teen plague' or 'the bug.' While some exhibit only a rash or a few bumps, others turn into horribly disfigured monsters or grow hideous new body parts." Ha Ha. Awesome

Here is a list of the all-time top movie deaths. Pretty damn cool.

New OC tonight. Watch it.

out of control!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The video thing maybe getting out of control, that or it just seems that way because we are dealing with it for the first time. But I had to put this Daily Show clip up, I have never seen these two act this way, its nice to know they are human.



- The Daily Show gets the Bananas

Shaft Creator Shafted Out of Life

You really ought to click this link and see the ugliest and least tasty looking lobster I have ever seen. It has fur on its claws. Apparently, the creature was so strange that they had to develop a new family class name for it. They said, “The family was named Kiwaida, from Kiwa, the goddess of crustaceans in Polynesian mythology.” I want to be part of a religion that has a crustacean goddess.

Also, in entertainment news, Gordon Parks, director of the original Shaft, has died.

WoW: TA

Oh geek humor. Lore Sjöberg has a rendition of World of Warcraft: The Text Adventure on wired.com. I have fond memories of playing old school text games like Zork on my uncle's old Apple computer when I was in grade school. It was too late by the time I found out about MUDs, using TelNet to launch yourself into a textual fantasy world. Instead of being compelling online interactive novels, they were usually more like chat rooms for socially deprived, acne ridden teenagers. Anyone who has ever attempted to play these will relate to this quote from Sjöberg:

> Shout "Where are the Kobolds?"

You hear a voice in the distance. "NE of stream, near lake." You hear another voice in the distance. "Right near lake." You hear another voice in the distance. "LF1M! Need priest!"

the squid and the black whale

Noah Baumbach's new film is going to star Jack Black. Both of these people are great and I have no doubt this movie will kick ass.

Here is an interview of what some official people are allready saying about next years Razzies.

Today Jarhead and Howl's Moving Castle come out on DVD. Good movies. I say buy, but I'm sure some will say rent.

Video of the week

Look on the right. Over there --->

Tom Waits- Hold On

Quote of the Day & Maybe a Video

I am going to try putting up a new quote everyday (week days), so if for some reason that sounds really exciting to you you should swing by everyday and check it out. Also I think at some point sammy is going to put up a video that you won't want to miss. Also does anyone know where todays quote comes from? I don't think I have a prize to give away, but you can have bragging rights until monday if you get it.

FWW or Finally We Win

So last night marked the dawn of a new age. We will no longer curl-up and die in the face of bowling foes, we will stand our ground and kick some ass. . . sort of. At least two of us will. You see there is this thing that has been hanging over us from the very beginning of league bowling, we can't all three bowl well the same night. So last night Dan and I bowled really well, me for the first time in quite awhile. But once again two of us bowling well meant one of us was way off the map. Sam, I don't think, was even there last night, and we will just leave it at that. We did win last night though, so lets get to that part. Dan pulled off a very respectable 164 average and I would be impressed had I not pulled off a 175 average. The first game we couldn't keep up with the other team, Sam's gal (yeah, she was a she) had a 60 handicap and it kind of crushed us with Sam not bowling well. The second game the other team didn't bowl as hot and I bowled a 198 to give us a victory there. So after two games its 1-1 and we are only 2 pins down in total pin count. Game three I end up dropping 48 pins, but Dan and Sam combine for 48 more pins then they had in game two, we end up with the same score and win game three. The total pin race was a little to close for my taste, but it did make for an exciting finish, we took it by 4 pins, 4 pins made up over 3 games, yeah that is cutting it really close.

highlights: I bowled a turkey in game 2 and we ended up having 2 team turkeys. I think this was the first night in awhile that I also lead in TO's or Turkey opportunities. We didn't feel like pizza last night so Sam and I got some really good wings, they were a bitch to eat, but damn were they tasty.

I must have been way more gone then I thought I was because I can't really remember BBH 06 C of the W. I know I won. I know we talked to a guy in our league that we thought was a douche but turned out to be kind of cool. And I know we stayed after and drank at the bar for a little bit. But all the little details are gone. Oh well.

highlights: I do remember talking to that guy about failing drug tests. It turned out him and his dad failed at the same time, his dad worse then him. I think that must be one cool dad. (also spell check just told me I only spelled two words wrong, there is no way that is right.)

T-shirts for dyslexics

Because of vcmc, I have discovered the joy of purchasing T-shirts on the internet from Threadless.com. They’re all rather cheap, and most of them have pretty cool design (if you can find them in stock). I purchased the God & doG shirt the other day. I’m not sure what it means, but I’m pretty sure that if I run into someone with dyslexia, it’ll be funny. They’ll say something like, “Why is Dog walking that god?” And I’ll just walk away, laughing and shaking my head. Oh, Dyslexia: I don’t understand you, so I make fun of you.

Scrubs vs. Grey's Anatomy

Due to the atrocity that is American Idol, House was not on last night. The benefit of this is that I watched an hour of new Scrubs. Both episodes were fantastic, each in their own right. The first episode was more absurd and funnier than the second, more serious, but still hilarious episode. In a typical Scrubs fashion, there were a lot of plot lines that all converged at the end. My favorite was Dorian’s (Braff) vendetta for an intern named Keith Dudemeister. He refused to give him a nickname, despite his last name, but called the others Cabbage and Wolfman (even though Wolfman’s real last name was Cabbage). Elliot was having an elongated booty call with Keith, which meant Dorian saw him every morning in his (Dorian’s) pink bathrobe. Also fantastic was Dr. Cox and The Janitor becoming friends at the bar while The Janitor refused to talk to him at work. At one point, they were drinking, broke into Dorian’s apartment, stripped him naked and woke him up with an ambulance in front of the hospital.

The best line in the entire two episodes was this: Dorian speaking about the show Grey’s Anatomy: “I love that show. It’s like they’re watching our lives and put it on television.”

PS: I just reread this; god this is scattered.

Hard Times for Jeeves

I had read about this a while ago, and kind of noticed the disappearance of Jeeves, the wonderful butler that scoured the internets looking for answers to questions on Ask.com. But, alas, Ask.com is throwing Jeeves out on the street. Reportedly, they want to be taken as seriously as Google. But, come on, who wasn't taking Jeeves seriously. I once asked Jeeves what a certain four letter word meant, and he dragged me by the ear into the pool room, shoved my head under the water for what seemed to be a good 5 minutes, yanked it back, held a knife to my throat, and yelled, "You don't fucking need to know, got it?" I took him seriously. He killed my parents. It has been reported that since Jeeves heard the news, he refuses to answer anymore questions, but simply parses through the wasteland of the internets looking for porn and purchasing alcohol.

Ask.com is interviewing new electronic icons to replace Jeeves; right now they've lined up a carrier pigeon, an overweight postal delivery person, one of the guys from the DHL commercials (I vote for the one who removed his shoes in the library), and Hermes.

2 people + 2 lanes + beer =

You finish the equation; it's not that hard.

In an unprecedented act of rebellion, the other bitches Craig and Cigs didn’t show up to bowling; they left it up to Sam and me to drink all the beer and run frantically between two lanes to finish as many games as possible. So, we had the quantity down; we were just missing the quality. Actually, we didn’t do too badly, all things considered. I had the high game of 176, had a few 150s, 140s, and one 160 game. Sam was all over the place, bowling shit games next to decent games and for the first time in his life (I think), he was throwing left all night. Weird.

BBH went fine. We played the South, which, somehow, was the first time I had played it. It has insane bonus rounds and even harder normal rounds. I ended up winning.

PS: Don’t buy a Lemon Drop shot from the Mermaid’s bar...they’re just so damn sweet and disgusting.

A big day in history

Today is a big day in history. This day, February 26, marks the birth and death of 2 of the greatest men to ever live.
Johnny Cash was born on this day in 1932 and Bill Hicks passed from this earth in 1994.
Take a few minutes out of your week to spend some extra time listening to these guys.

"She walks these hills in a long black veil
She visits my grave when the night winds wail
Nobody knows, nobody sees
Nobody knows but me"
-Cash

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride... And we... kill those people."
-Hicks


Also I found a Fight Club trailer turning it into a romantic comedy. Its pretty good. The voice over is awful and almost ruins the whole thing, but apart from that its worth watching.

Snakes on a Plane!!!

There's a rather interesting article up at Wired about A Scanner Darkly and Linklater's difficulty in making it. It a bit long (3 pages really isn't that long), but it's worth reading.

In Snakes on a Plane news, apparently Samuel L. Jackson signed onto the project without reading the script. All he had seen was the title. I can't say I disagree with him.

Ad companies are finally going to truly subliminal messaging in commercials. Fantastic.

TTL for S! or Thank The Lord for Spamalot!

Bowling last night will have to wait a second, first I must type with joy about how the St. Paul Ordway has landed Spamalot for their 07 season. I am super pissed that I missed out on this when it played in Chicago a while back, I can only pray that Tim Curry will still be a part of it. And you have to love how they talk about it being a homecoming of sorts because of Minnesota's clam to fame for Spam.

As for bowling I will have to make this kind of quick. Dan looked like he might actually bowl well for the night with his first game of 180, but ended up sucking some major balls the rest of the night. Which helped me out because I had been sucking on two balls until dan relieved me of all the work, and let me tell you, thats a lot of work. Sam was once again just some where in the middle of not quite good and not quite bad. We did end up winning one game and overall points for the night, which was nice.

highlights: We got to play against MM. He is by far the best bowler in our league but also one of the coolest old guys I have ever met. Plus he is Irish! We also tied a game which has never happened to us before, so that was cool. As for BBH C of the W 06 I had another nice run of Perfects, this one ending at 4 though.

highlight of today: Our Girl Scout Cookies just showed up! Oh Happy Day!

So, this is how it went down

Bowling: We were bowling against the best guy in our league, a really nice, older guy with an insane amount of bowling background and knowledge. He’s phenomenal. But, his team was out one person (which helped immensely, because he’s really good too). The first game, I bowled a 180, the other two didn’t do so hot, but we still tied them for overall handicap. The second game, I fell apart and dropped 72 pins off my score. The others bowled mediocre games. The third game, we managed to win. Sam bowled a 165, I bowled a 142, and Cigs was still off in I-forgot-how-to-bowl land (but not nearly as bad as my 108). We also won overall handicap points for the night by 4 pins. God, that felt nice.

BBH: Cigs crushed us. He had 4 perfects in a row during the second region. Sam and I fought for second place the entire time, and I think he won (I’m actually not very sure who won, which is rather funny, seeing as it was neck-to-neck by the end).

Highlights: Sam was the only one to get a turkey. Dude next to us picked up a 6-7 split.

awesome

Neil Gaiman posted about this today. Go to this web site now. It's the coolest thing ever. Look at animation number 5 under videos. I really need to win the lottery so I can build my house.

Side note--I got up today at 7, drug my ass out of bed, showered and went to class only to find out that the prof wasn't feeling to well so he stayed home. Just grand. I need a drink...

gots to love the nofx

So this has to be one of the best things ever. I am sure not a lot of you that read this are really into NOFX at all but trust me when I say you have to listen to this song. Ok, just do it, don't argue, just listen to it. The song will be released on their new EP coming out March 14th entitled Never Trust A Hippy, oh August 8th.

This is all I've got

Here's an article/interview with Terry Gilliam up on the BBC news webpage.

Also, I should have linked to this a while ago, but the new Mark Z. Danielewski forums are up, expanding for Only Revolutions, which, by the way, has three, yes three, colors in its title. He's insane.

And fresh off of imdb, Kid Rock apparently is attempting to halt the release of a sex tape that involves four girls, the former lead-man from Creed, and himself. My question is, who the hell would want to watch that?

Chips + Trivia ≠ Awesome

At some point, I’ll stop linking to Lore Sjöberg’s articles as they come out on Wired, but not anytime soon. The new article is about the ingenious inventions in the food industry. I actually had heard of a few of these, and one, the Pringles Prints, won one of Prepared Foods’ Spirit of Innovation Awards in retail. What I don’t understand is how, when the rest of the industries are flying high with technological advancements (have you seen some of the stuff to come out of CES?), how the food industry is so terrible at it? Great, now we have triva on potato chips, we have microwaveable pizzas. I don’t want to learn something when eating potato chips; I want my overall food experience to be better (not really, I just want food to be as cool as the newest phones). I want bananas already injected with delicious creamy peanut butter. Sure, I want microwaveable pizzas, but I want them to cook through and through and I want them to taste like oven-baked pizzas, or better yet, have them taste like home-made pizzas. I want a genetically engineered apple that tastes even better than the Honeycrisp. I want coffee that doesn’t get cold and ice cream that doesn’t melt. I want the everlasting gobstopper (if computer technology can steal their innovations from sci-fi movies/books, the food industry ought to be able to steal their ideas from candy movies/books). I want anything that isn’t a potato chip telling me what the capitol of Kentucky is. If next year's award for innovation goes to glow in the dark advertising on any type of fruit, I'm having a hunger strike.

spoofs

This will be short but worth it. If you get a chance watch this "trailer" for Star Wars: The Empire Brokeback. There are some really good bits. The Star Trek one is awesome to. Even if you didn't like Brokeback Mountain (which I did) you have to be happy about all the funny spoofs its brought on.

Also I just watched the movie Bad Timing and it was really damn good. If you haven't seen it you should.

FD2 on WB + trailers

During a night of horrible television, hope comes from a place least expected: the WB. Sure, I could watch women's figure skating, but personally I'd rather be watching some skeleton or curling or really anything other than women's figure skating (barring ice dancing...I did watch some of that, and dear god was that terrible). I could also be watching American Idol, but I'd rather stab myself in the throat. So, much to my joy, I found out that the WB was playing FD2, or Final Destination 2 for those not into abbreviations.

Now, I thought I had seen this. I'm pretty damn sure I've seen the first one. But, after watching the awesome opening death sequence (chock full of explosions, bad acting, and I'm sure, had it not been on a primetime "network," loads of violence), I'm thinking: "I don't think I've seen this before." So, I sit and watch and laugh my ass off. I imagine it was a rather difficult movie to adapt for television. It was much like my experience of watching The Big Lebowski on TV...almost as hilarious as the original, but in a much different way. The TV version of FD2 did lack, however, the most important part of a film in this genre...the violence. The only benefit was the one time they translated "Jesus Christ" into "Judas Priest." And to all the metal fans out there, Isn't that just as blasphemous? I will say, however, that the ending scene in the movie really makes it worth watching the whole thing. Out of typical thriller/horror melodrama comes an absurd, slapstick, abrupt end to the movie...and it made me laugh the hardest.

In other news: There's a new trailer up for Richard Linklater's upcoming A Scanner Darkly. Although I'm skeptical about Keanu Reeves, I think rotoscoping can mask his horrible acting abilities...

And this is more for the Eddie Izzard fanclub, but he's a voice in an upcoming animated movie called The Wild, and sure it looks like Madagascar 2, but this time its got a transvestite comedian playing a koala. I'm totally seeing it.

PS: Now that FD2 and Boston Legal are over I'm watching women's figure skating as I write this. Don't judge. It's either this or Geraldo at large.

Hermaphrodites and Vampires in one post!

Whb over at Pandas has already linked to this article in McSweeneys…The Five Most Dangerous Children's Books Ever Written, According to Sean Hannity…but damn if it isn’t funny enough for me to link to it too. Also, I’m going to do something he didn’t do: quote the article in my post:

It should also be noted that Twain, who invented cancer and hates puppies, is not even using his real name. Samuel Clemens, wherever you're hiding, if you have any integrity, you will appear on my show and defend your irrational and unpatriotic beliefs.

I just really love this headline: "James Bond Loses His Teeth, Gets Defended By Dracula"

And in unfortunate videogame news, the launch of the PS3 may be delayed. I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time, I may have to purchase a Revolution to hold me over.

Finally, in TV updates, House last night was pretty awesome. It was about a 15 year old super model, heroin addict, who sexed her way up to the top, only to find out at the end that she was also a he…that’s right boys and girls, a hermaphrodite. How unfortunate for her/his father who slept with her/him.

bowling...

It being President’s Day today, the bowling alley was filled with annoying high school kids, large families with very young children, and more drunk assholes than usual. It didn’t seem to bother me, as I still bowled two 180 games, two 170 games, and a 160-something. It should also be noted that I had 8 turkey opportunities, but no turkeys.

Cigs had a few high games, but didn’t manage to beat my 188. Craig also had a few games, but I don’t remember his scores. Sam was too busy playing with his new phone to really pay attention to bowling, so instead he just laughed at everyone when they didn’t get a strike…he did this the ENTIRE night, which he thought was hilarious.

BBH was all right, but mostly we were tired. Cigs got first, I got second, Sam got third, and Craig finished last.

CC is not a good sub.

So last night bitch Dan messed up our whole night. First of all he wasn't there for dinner so me and ciggy just ended up walking over to the China resturant to get take-out. Then the OC wasnt on and Craig Christ was there (which was fun to have him come out). For some reson we didn't drink much before which I belive lead to a shitty night of bowling. The first 2 games were not good and I'm not going to talk about them. In the last game we decided that we wanted to have fun so we were just going to kick eachothers asses and not worry about the other team. We even made a bet. The loser had to buy a round of shots and 2nd place had to buy the round of beers. In the 9th CC was up 10 pins over me and 8 over Ciggy. Those two were leading into the 10th with strikes and I had a spare. It turned out that I was the only one who marked and I ended with a 147 and those two tied at a 145. Pretty fun game and we beat the other team as well. They decided to break the tie with a 1 frame bowl off. Ciggy got a 9 and then picked it up and CC got a 7 and then 1.

BBH was good. We played the South and then just one round of the south west. I won both.

Highlight-I was down on Ciggy by 1100ish going into the last bonus round in the south west and I got a perfect/perfect to win by 67.

I also YS a Ded the most

CC had the most B's

Yes!

Terry Gilliam Your film will be 43% romantic, 55% comedy, 45% complex plot, and a $ 49 million budget.

Filmography: The Brothers Grimm, Monty Python and The Holy Grail, The Fisher King, Time Bandits, Brazil, 12 Monkeys, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas. Gilliam is notorious for his angry outbursts to studio executives and production shutdowns when told he has to compromise his vision. So if while making the film about your life he wants chicken-headed fighter pilots flying large time-release capsules that drop foam-rubber knee pads onto your reunion family picnic, you better let him lest you get nothing done at all. In the end, however, the movie will be a fantastic cult classic. Good luck.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 13% on action-romance You scored higher than 98% on humor You scored higher than 80% on complexity You scored higher than 96% on budget

Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test

More firefly references

Wired pulls through again:

My much-linked-to-columnist Lore Sjöberg has a new article up. As this blog is often about television and other entertainment mediums, I think its fair to give someone who has not watched TV for the past five years a chance to speak. That’s what Sjöberg has done. He hung up his TiVo, got rid of cable, and has probably never seen an episode of The OC. He lists things he’s missed out on and his misconceptions thereof, such as:

I also hear that there's something called Firefly, which is either a canceled science-fiction television show or a new religion, I'm not clear on that. Either way, prayers for the resurrection are involved.

I think both Sam and I can agree with his closing sentiments: "Accordingly, I pledge to watch whatever dreck pastes itself to my television screen. Reality dating shows! Soap operas! Sci Fi Channel original horror movies where the monster is clearly a latex pencil topper from a vending machine! I'm not content to live in this culture; I'm going to wallow in it." Thanks Lore, I'll be there with you in my non-cable, antenna, TV-watching frenzy.

Also: There’s an interesting article about Coast to Coast, a radio show I frequently listen to on my way back from bowling in the late hours of the evening, up on Wired. Its on AM 1500 in case you wanted to tune in. I don’t think it starts until midnight or 1am.

best sci-fi crew ever

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children comes out in the US in April. Looks good.

Me and Ciggy are going up to St. Cloud on friday to attend a Q and A with Kevin Smith. If anyone wants to go buy your tickets online ($5) and let us know.
Update-Ciggy is a bitch and doesn't want to go so now I have an extra ticket.

Take this quiz and see which Sci-Fit crew you would be in.

This what I got...

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Serenity (Firefly). You like to live your own way and don't enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Yes I rock!!!

VP YSaH'd or the Vice President Shot a Human

Last week we missed out on our sunday night bowling, which I believe lead us to a pretty forgettable thursday. (side note: we have yet to make mention of the awesome OC episode last week and by all means it made thursday an ok day, even with the shitty bowling.) So in light of that we made up for not bowling last sunday by bowling pretty good last night. All of us, including Craig had at least one game in the 170's, Dan actually had a couple. Sam and I both hit it big with games of 190 and 194 respectively, towards the end of the night Craig lost his manhood some where and forgot how to bowl, but I won't go into details for his sake.

highlights: there was a big group of people there and we only got a lane because we are regulars, this sounds bad, but we actually didn't have any problems with the crowd, to me thats kind of unusual. Sticking with unusual, it was also cosmic bowling but for some reason we didn't seem to mind that either, Mermaids setup is actually kind of cool. Also Craig had two turkeys in one game.
lowlights: Craig and I getting our asses handed to us all night, there were a couple of close ones but all in all it didn't go very well for the two of us. Also our bartender wasn't there and we got douchy McDoucheDouche, who also informed us that they are getting rid of their $2 beer special, bitches!

For this week and maybe only this week you're lookin at the BBH 06 C of the W K. That K is for King, don't you forget it. Thats right, to start the hunting off I killed me 21 Big Bucks plus had a PP on the bonus round. With the lead I got from that it was clear sailing to an easy victory. Craig is starting to get good, I don't think he YSaD'd until the third round, actually I don't think any of us did till the third round.

highlights: My perfect streak of 7, man did it feel good.

pederast

Maddox just added a new post after a long break. I think you should all go look at it.
Take the quiz. I got a C. Not so good. I guess I have to watch my back. If you are ones of those people that have never looked at his page (ciggy) I suggest you spend some time there this week.
Try these spots--
Kill like a man
5 Movies
Oil Change
and the classics-
Love your kids?
Suicide

Limp Wristed Boy Wins At Bowling!...

...for the first game. Sam, with his injured wrist, somehow still beat both Ciggy and me with a 165. I had a 71 in the 7th frame, but still pulled off a 149. Ciggy didn’t do as well. The second game, Sam’s wrist apparently got to him, as he didn’t bowl as well. I bowled a 170, and I have no idea what the other two bowled, but it wasn’t awesome. The third game we actually won. Sam had told us that Ciggy and I needed to bowl 170s, and he was going to bowl a 150. So, I held up my end of the deal and bowled a 189; Sam bowled a 150-something, and Ciggy fell short.

Highlights of the Evening: Cigs picked up a 7-5 split, I picked up a 1-2-4-10 setup, and Sam picked up the Diamond + 10 setup. As for things non-bowling, BBH was a mess. I was terrible, Sam was slapping people, and I think I threatened his life at one point. I don’t even know what Ciggy was doing.

every one needs a neighbor

I have been introduced to the new greatest game ever, at least for a console and for the time being. About a month ago John and Casi (my roommates) acquired a xbox, but until now we have had nothing to play on it. So my Neighbor came over the other night and brought with him pure xbox gold: Cabela's Dangerous Hunts. In order to play the game it was meant to be played you need to have patience, slowing moving along the ground and taking an Elk down from 60 yards away, not having it charge at you and hitting it 6 times with your hand gun. Also while running around after animals mountain Lions will jump on you from a top of rocks, wolves will hunt you down in packs and bears, well, they just do their kill you thing. They only thing missing from this game is a bright orange shotgun, but maybe that will come latter. Also I have just found out there is a Cabela's Dangerous Hunts II but sadly it sounds like the took a turn for the worse with this one.

Neil Gaiman News + Lore Sjöberg

Neil Gaiman has some interesting news up on his journal. Aint it Cool News has an article about visiting the production site of Beowulf. After not knowing anything about how this was going to pan out, especially with all the recent false gossip, this really shed some light on how this movie’s going to look next year.

He also has his amazon.com profile up. I imagine it’d be hard to come up with your top 5 favorite books, movies, and CDs, but he gave it a good shot. Nice to see Brazil on that list.

Also: This guy is becoming my favorite internets columnist to read. His name is Lore Sjöberg, he writes for wired, and he’s hilarious. I linked to a story of his on pandas a while ago about what to do in message boards/blogs if you don’t have an opinion. His sarcasm was beautiful. Well, today he’s spun an article about how he’s going to explain away his google searches if, in fact, the government appropriates them. Here’s a taste of him explaining away “yellowcake uranium.”

This is absolutely not an indication that I've been trying to broker purchases of uranium between various rogue states. Rather, I was just trying to look up an old friend from high school, Yellowcake Uranium Steinberg. Her parents were hippies. Hippie physicists. This explanation also applies to my other high-school friends, Anthrax Bacillus Cooper and Weapons-Grade Fissile Material Smith.

Awesome.

Izzard TV

I’m rather busy this week, so updates will be few and far between. Fortunately, two other people can post. So stop bitching already.

However, this makes me wish I had cable even more: Eddie Izzard with a co-leading role on a TV show. Awesome. If only Minnie Driver weren't in it.

Adventures of Herzog

This is great: Werner Herzog apparently pulled Joaquin Phoenix from a car crash. I just love the quote, "There's something so calming and beautiful about Werner Herzog's voice. I felt completely fine and safe. I climbed out. I got out of the car and I said, 'Thank you,' and he was gone." Herzog is now a superhero. I hope this causes him to contemplate the nature of chaos.

Also: I hate the font Arial, but the others looked to close to the default.

WH to TN or What Happened to Thursday Nights?

From the title you can probably figure out that we haven't quite got back to form yet. Last week we only won one game, this week...zero. I bowled like, actually I don't think what I was doing is considered bowling, low game of the night with 120. Dan started off a little slow but came up with a big 205 in the second game, which we still didn't win seeing that Sam and I were off in bum-fucking-egypt somewhere. Sam was a little closer to home then me by bowling an unrememberable, average, but not good average, night.

Highlights : Dan’s 205. It’s his highest game ever so if you see him any time soon give the man a pat on the back. He didn’t have a single open frame that game either. Also the guy next to us threw his ball backwards, I think Dan was a little relieved to see that it happens to other people too.

So how to make up for sucking at bowling? BBH 06 C of the W sounds pretty good. The first region, Northeast, did not help me forget about bowling. Dan actually figured out how to kill bucks and not YS a D all the time and pretty much kicked ass. Sam and I battled for the second spot down to the wire, in the end my outstanding perfect/perfect on the easy as hell jackalopes bonus clinched it for me. Of coarse that was after I had made, and lost, the YS a D bet. First two shots are on me boys! The second region, Canada, helped me put evil bowling memories behind by kicking Dan and Sam’s asses back to the SA.

Highlights : The fact that I can’t really remember the second region of BBH. I am almost sure that I won, but I could be way off. That hasn’t happened too me in a while, at least not on a Thursday night. I do remember getting a couple perfects though, so Dan and Sam can’t tell me I was awful.

really good movie news

Few new things about Grind from IGN. It is the new double feature from Tarantino and Rodriguez. "Rodriguez's segment will be called Planet Terror – 's a zombie flick – and Tarantino's is a slasher film called Death Proof. Both will be shot in the style of '70s exploitation films".
"The film will feature fake trailers created by the two directors that will run in the middle of the films as intermission."
"Variety adds that Tarantino's latest idea is a trailer for a sexploitation movie titled Cowgirls in Sweden."
Sounds pretty damn cool if you ask me. It is set to come out in September.

"Imagine a dozen or more Borat HBO skits strung together with scripted plot in between to weave it all together and that's pretty much the gist of the movie." Thats right people a Borat movie. God I can't wait. Read a bunch more about it here.

"Yakshemash! In US of A, if you want to marry a girl, you cannot just go to her father and swap her for 15 gallons of pesticide. Here you have to do something called dating. I find out more. Chenkuye. " -Borat

Dead-pan comedy + news

So, I'm not entirely sure if it's worth the $32, but Steven Wright is going to be at the Fitzgerald theatre on March 25. Wright is hilarious and fantastically dry, but I should have caught him last year when he was actually touring with people. Tickets go on sale tomorrow (Saturday) at noon...I guess I'll have to decide by then. Oh, and bm_oran, you can't come until you pay me back for Stephen Lynch.

And, sadly, it was discovered that the prehistoric "ice-man" was infertile. That might explain why he "almost certainly died as a result of a fight. " I'm guessing his bitch wife did it when she discovered that she couldn't have any ice-babies.

Don't like your career? I'd suggest making a switch. It's what Pro-Tennis player David Kinnaird is doing. He's giving up tennis, and picking up...videogames? In all fairness, I'm pretty sure tennis and Quake IV are very similar.

And finally, making big-budget movies like Die Another Day doesn't mean that you can't be a dragged out prostitute.

Thanks to BBC News for making my morning awesome.

Masters of the Universe

I would just like to inform the general public that Ciggy has now joined Bitches on Boats. The Sebulski family is now complete and when our powers unite greatness is sure to follow. I would like everyone to give a warm welcome to the new Bitch

PS- now 80% of the people that read this blog are now able to post on it as well.

the end

Zombie Uncle Sam can teach us a lot about war. I want you...dead.

New Neil Gaiman site up today. It looks pretty good.

Dark Crystal 2 is about a girl made out of fire who steals a shard of the crystal to try to reigniting they dying sun. It's going to be more "sin city" style...

If you go here you can buy staps for Valentine's Day with celebrity kisses on them. They have people like Gene Simmons and dogs like Benji. The reason for posting this is that Rachel Bilson also has one. I'm going to order a few let me know if you want one.

On a personal note- today is the first day of the last semester of my school life. Thank god its almost over...I need a drink.